Between Parents

Everyone keeps score. Our brains are hard-wired to categorize even when it comes to grading our children or marriages. So when someone asks, “how are you doing” what do you use for your scorecard? In this episode Billy and Joy discuss the perils of focusing on micro gauges and limiting our evaluations to tangible measures. If you are walking through challenging days, you will definitely appreciate this discussion. Talk about this: How do you we currently "score" our family or marriage? How confident are we in the criteria we are using? What SHOULD we be using to score our relationships? Related link: We love Seth Godin – his blog is here…do yourself a solid and check him out!

Stress makes every area of life more difficult, but it’s particularly challenging in families. The good news is, there’s an antidote. In this episode Billy and Joy tee up one simple, yet challenging, approach. Related-ish Links Essentialism by Greg McKeown found here NY Times Article On Mommy Wine Culture here Mary Poppins – Let’s go fly a kite! Behind the scenes here. Albert Einstein… " When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge." Find other episodes on play here …Check out #10, 33, and 62 Talk about this: Are we stressed? If so, then check the gauges and find the cause? How can we have more PLAY in our life? What are the obstacles keeping us from play that we need to push through? Also remember: Tag someone who you think would like this podcast on one of the socials! Leave a review! It’s an easy way to invest in others and we really appreciate the support! You can find us @betweenp

Have you ever felt like your children rule your life? Of COURSE they require a ton of care and nurturing, but have they become the core of your family? The temptation to build the family around the kids is one of the easiest things for parents to slip into. In this episode Billy and Joy discuss the dangers of child-centric parenting and how to see if you’re inadvertently living that life! This may be one of those episodes where you disagree with our thoughts, but hopefully it will get you talking! Related-ish links: Psychology Today talks about narcissism here…  We mention a few previous episodes that expand on these topics.  Links below...  Episode 4 – Practical Steps For Prioritizing Marriage Episode 31 – Erasing Fear From Parenting Episode 32 – 6 Crucial Practices Before Becoming Parents Talk about this: It's likely all of us have some child-centric habits - so this week's "play along with us at home" questions are... in what areas do you make your kids the center of your world? how can we make practical

In our last episode Joy detailed her list of what wives really want their husbands to know, so now it’s Billy’s turn. Of COURSE this list isn’t all-inclusive and, to be sure, some of it may not be relevant to you (especially #9), but hey – it’s a great start! Talk about this: Wives, ask your husbands if any of these reflect his feelings! Also remember… Tag someone who you think would like this podcast on one of the socials! Leave a review! It’s an easy way to invest in others and we really appreciate the support!  

While there’s no instruction manual for marriage, it’s not uncommon for spouses to have a mental “wish list” of things they wish their spouse understood. In this week’s episode Joy has taken a stab at fifteen such “things.” Maybe you’ll agree - -maybe you won’t. Either way, it should prompt some good discussion! Guys – don’t worry. Next week Billy will have a chance to share his list! Talk about this: Husbands, ask your wives if any of these things reflect her feelings! Also remember… Sharing is caring! If you enjoy Between Parents, please share with your friends. Tag someone on the “socials” or repost. We are on Facebook @betweenparentspodcast and you can chat back with us on Instagram @betweenparents or on Twitter @between_parents

What did you think life would be like when you became a parent? What were your hopes and dreams? What did you expect from your kids and your experience? Whatever your answer, there’s tremendous power in those expectations. In today’s episode Billy and Joy talk through lesser known, but realistic expectations every parent should have. Talk about this: Which of these expectations is most challenging for you to manage and why? Also remember… Sharing is caring! If you enjoy Between Parents, please share with your friends. Tag someone on the “socials” or repost. We are on Facebook @betweenparentspodcast and you can chat back with us on Instagram @betweenparents or on Twitter @between_parents

What is it about Middle School that makes everything feel so awkward? Is it the rush of hormones? Is it the lack of executive reasoning? Is it because parents are put off by the goofiness or hygiene? Yes to all of the above. Still, with a little patience and a plan, the Middle School season can be AMAZING. Take a listen and see for yourself. Talk about this: What are we currently doing that seems out of step with our middle schooler's developmental reality? Where do we need to improve our plan? Also remember… Sharing is caring! If you enjoy Between Parents, please share with your friends. Tag someone on the “socials” or repost. We are on Facebook @betweenparentspodcast and you can chat back with us on Instagram @betweenparents or on Twitter @between_parents Finally - remember to tag your social media posts with #middleschoolawesomeness and #betweenparents

In the throws of new love, dating, and then engagement, it’s easy to lose sight of what it takes to start a marriage well. What do you need to focus on and what needs to be minimized? In this episode Billy and Joy discuss eight things every couple should do before tying the knot! Related Links: Our conversation about how family of origin impacts marriage HERE Talk about this: If you're engaged or dating someone, which of the 8 steps are you missing? What's the next thing you could do to make your way through the list? If you're already married, it's not too late to address many of the issues on this list...which ones do you feel like you would benefit your relationship now? Also remember… Sharing is caring! If you enjoy Between Parents, please share with your friends. Tag someone on the “socials” or repost. We are on Facebook @betweenparentspodcast and you can chat back with us on Instagram @betweenparents or on Twitter @between_parents

How well do you share your feelings with your kids? Are you an over or an under sharer? Vulnerability is challenging, but the best place for your kids to learn this life skill is with you. Today’s episode is all about why your kids need to see how you engage with the world (AND them) emotionally. Talk about this: Do I withhold the emotional side of my thoughts from my kids? If so, why? What topics or tension points would benefit from me sharing an extra 20% of my emotions? Related Links: If you want to learn more about forgiving your kids, check out Between Parents episode # 22 - HERE Also remember… Sharing is caring! If you enjoy Between Parents, please share with your friends. Tag someone on the “socials” or repost. We are on Facebook @betweenparentspodcast and you can chat back with us on Instagram @betweenparents or on Twitter @between_parents

In marriage awesome communication doesn’t just happen. It’s not like falling off a bike; it’s something you work for. Can you make the process easier? Where do you begin? In this episode, Billy and Joy suggest you start with five essential ground rules. Take a listen! Talk about this: Where do we think our current communication patterns came from? Is that a good or bad thing? Are there any ground rules we don't routinely observe? How can we do better? Are there other ground rules we need to discuss and establish? If so, what are they? Related Links: Awkward Date Nights – article HERE podcast #11 HERE He speaks / She speaks article from Psychology Today HERE Also remember… Between Parents is now on SPOTIFY!!! Yup… So if you’re recommending this podcast to someone who may not be using more typical podcast platforms, send them over to Spotify!! Of course you can still find us on Apple podcasts, SoundCloud, Tune-In (use this platform from Alexa – so cool!), Overcast, and Stitcher. If for some reason you can’t f

What do you feel when your kid is afraid? Frustrated? Embarrassed? Does it make you fearful as well? How do you respond to their fears? Do you push them? Or do you let them be? This episode kicks around those topics and gives you a few things to talk about with the people in your life. Talk about this: 1 - Are our child's fears age and developmentally appropriate? (Google age milestones!) - If not, make a plan for getting professional help - EVERYONE WILL BE HAPPIER IF YOU ADDRESS THE ISSUE! 2 - Take a close look at YOUR behavior and ask yourself - are we too accommodating? are we anxious? are we impatient or easily frustrated by our kid's fears? 3 - MAKE A PLAN - how can we practice gradually introducing our kids to the things they fear? Related Links: Psychology Today article on helping kids with fears as mentioned in this episode - HERE An academic article on anxiety disorders - HERE  Wall St Journal article on how parents can make things worse for kids - HERE Also remember… Between Parents is now on SPO

Pick up your toys! Brush your teeth! Stop screaming! As much as we would love to think our daily corrections add up to deep, important foundations with our kids, we aren’t fully convinced. On today’s podcast we take the conversation up to a bird’s-eye-view and discuss broad life lessons we want to pass along. While the list isn’t comprehensive, it will get you off to a good start of thinking about what matters in your family. Here’s our six: Life is difficult - Effort is required Life is unfair - People can be mean and the world isn't out to keep you happy Life is scary - Courage and vulnerability is required. Life is unforgiving - Some consequences are non-negotiable Life is bigger than you - Avoid self-centeredness Life is short - Look higher than just this life Talk about this: What's on your 'life is..." list? What lessons would you like to "turn up" in your parenting? What are the opportunities (times, places) to advance these conversations? Also remember… Between Parents is now on SPOTIFY!!! Yup… So if

While most people think marriage should be marked by unconditional love, the idea of unconditional respect isn’t usually a “thing.” Why is that? Is it possible to love when you don’t give your spouse unconditional respect? Billy and Joy chat about how respect impacts your marriage. Talk about this: What do I do that makes you feel MOST respected? Do I have any habits that make you feel disrespected? What specific practices or habits can WE do to foster better avenues to convey respect for each other? Also remember… Between Parents is now on SPOTIFY!!! Yup… So if you’re recommending this podcast to someone who may not be using more typical podcast platforms, send them over to Spotify!! Of course you can still find us on Apple podcasts, SoundCloud, Tune-In (use this platform from Alexa – so cool!), Overcast, and Stitcher. If for some reason you can’t find us on a different platform, please let us know and we’ll chase it down! Between Parents is on “The Socials” too! Of course we are on Facebook. If you like the

Are you stressed about where your kids will go to school? Do you often find yourself in conversations (debates?) about public or private schools? Do you ever feel guilty that you do or don’t homeschool? On today’s podcast Billy and Joy suggest a framework for evaluating your options. You MAY hate what they say, but you might also find it helpful. In any case, have a listen! Talk about this: Rate your emotions around the schooling topic. Do you or your spouse feel the need to dial it back? How do you think you can stay open-handed around the process? As you consider your options, run the options through the Product/Process/Fit grid.  Also remember… Between Parents is now on SPOTIFY!!! Yup… So if you’re recommending this podcast to someone who may not be using more typical podcast platforms, send them over to Spotify!! Of course you can still find us on Apple podcasts, SoundCloud, Tune-In (use this platform from Alexa – so cool!), Overcast, and Stitcher. If for some reason you can’t find us on a different platf

Have you ever noticed how quickly kids disconnect their desire for freedom with their ability to be responsible? In today’s podcast Billy and Joy offer some tips for making sure there’s a link between what a child wants and their ability to assume responsibility. “Freedom makes a huge requirement of every human being. With freedom comes responsibility. For the person who is unwilling to grow up, the person who does not want to carry his own weight, this is a frightening prospect.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt Talk about this: What do you tend to do... grant freedoms too easily (potentially without maturity to handle them) or withhold freedoms too long (causing frustration and arrested development)? What signs of maturity need to be in place to justify our kids ASKS these days? Are these conversations/negotiations happening in a healthy way? If not, how might they? Also remember… Between Parents is now on SPOTIFY!!! Yup… So if you’re recommending this podcast to someone who may not be using more typical podcast platf

How do you teach your kids to delay gratification? How do you articulate why waiting for something is better than having it immediately? What’s your plan for equipping your children for dealing with a lifetime of temptation? In this episode Billy and Joy review approaches to these questions and encourage you to keep taming the appetites that can control old and young alike!  Talk about this: What is my kids’ unique “temptation profile” these days? What tempts them most? What is their ability to say NO these days? Am I dialed in on if I am asking too much or too little of my child based on his/her age and development? How open do I think my kids are to talking to me about what tempts them? What can I do to normalize this conversation? What can I do in this season to help them build up the muscle to fight temptation? Related Links: Marshmallow test author interview here. A look at how US kids compare to kids in Cameron here.  Also remember…  Between Parents is now on SPOTIFY!!! Yup… So if you’re recommending

When our kids are little, it’s easy to understand how attitudes and dispositions are “just a phase.” But somewhere between 10-14 there’s a shift and we recognize that a “phase” may actually be a more permanent feature. In today’s episode Billy and Joy discuss settling up with our kid’s flaws and adjusting our approach to the kids we have, not to the kids we dreamed about! Talk about this: Are there any areas where we need to acknowledge that our kids "phase" is something closer to part of their hard wiring? What can you do to prepare to parent your "imperfect" kids with the right balance of acceptance and coaching? How often do I work under the subliminal pressure that my kid (or kids) must be perfect? Where does that come from? How can I find a healthier stance? Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This

Bored much? Tapped out of ideas for family fun? Well, THIS episode will solve that problem! Check out 101 things your family can do together. Some are aspirational and will take focused attention (#72) while others are easy to accomplish any day of the week (#28, 33, or 83). Here's the list for easy reference. 1 Have a Photo scavenger hunt - (Example here) 2 Moms - Let your daughter do your hair or makeup 3 Play hide and seek 4 Memorize the lyrics to a song that you can all sing together 5 Have a pet and let the kids name it. 6 Shoot baskets in crazy ways 7 Use every single Lego in the house to build something 8 Rearrange the furniture for movie night 9 Let the kids cook dinner (and tell them you love it!) 10 Make friends with the neighbors and bake them treats! 11 Plan secret missions and execute them together (donut drops, balloons) 12 Go fruit pickin' together (strawberries, blueberries, apples) then make dessert! 13 Have colori

Do you ever feel like your calendar is the boss of you? Do you ever wonder how you became so over-committed? In this week’s podcast Billy & Joy discuss one family’s process and discovery of knowing when to quit. Links: Knowing When to Quit – article here LA really is a doughnut heaven! - check out this article or google for yourself ; )  Talk about this: What do we want outside family activity to provide? What can't it provide (that WE should be responsible for)? What are we willing to give (the cost) to get the benefit (the value)? Will (or DO) our kids know the benefit? Can they verbalize it to us currently? What will we do if we need to edit our plan? Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, Stitcher, and TuneI

When you live in close proximity to someone, particularly a spouse, eventually that person will annoy you. What do you do with this irritation? Is it avoidable? Is there a way to short-circuit the process and not be so easily frustrated? Billy & Joy serve up some ideas in this episode, so have a listen! Talk about this: Today's question is REALLY high on the vulnerability scale - Perhaps it's good for an awkward date night (episode #11) - but this question is WORTH the awkwardness...three ground rules: Ask sincerely Listen without being defensive If necessary, close by apologizing Ready? Here you go… ask your spouse, “When are you most likely to you feel that I am annoyed by you?” Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Ove