Between Parents

Disappointments are a regular part of life. One of the best ways to overcome these disappointments is to stay flexible. Easier said than done, right? On this episode, Billy and Joy review five elements which keep families nimble and on track to handle life’s inevitable “plot twists.”  Related(ish) Links What is a Myers Briggs type? The official site is here. But if you’d rather look at your type as a Star Wars or Harry Potter character, look here For the record, Joy is an ENTP and Billy is an ENFJ Talk about this: Where are our kids most limited by a routine? What are some ideas for interjecting some adventures into the routine? How are your kids different when it comes to routine? Who needs more or less? Also remember… Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram

Do you remember the common expressions from your childhood? Can you recall the words that made you soar or the ones that made you cringe? On today’s episode we talk about how to be intentional with the words you give your kids. There’s a TON to talk about, so listen in for some ideas!  Related (ish) Links Why you should cover your computer camera (no matter what Billy says!) from THE FBI!!!  Click here Barry White’s Song Credits  More words around why we don't tell our kids they are smart here along with the original article which grabbed our attention here.  Find Sarah Anderson’s interview on Surviving Sarah podcast here or her blog here (she’s so very wise!) Our Chalk Board The Truth Wall Talk about this:  What words do you think your kids need to hear? What can we do to make those words memorable? Also remember… Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Ins

Managing money is tricky for adults, so it’s no surprise that kids need significant guidance when it comes to having money. Do you have a plan for teaching your kids about money? And what about allowances? Do you pay your kids for doing chores or do you just give them money with no strings attached? In this episode, Billy & Joy tackle those questions and give you a number of thoughts to consider. Related (ish) Links “I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.” Maya Angelou Talk about this: What plan would work best for our family for teaching our kids how to be responsible for their money? What steps do we need to take to implement the plan?  Also remember… Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa).You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents Remember to leave us reviews and share with your

#16 – 8 Questions For A Great Marriage This Year Do you make New Year’s resolutions? How about at the office, do you set annual goals? People expect to make evaluations and think about how to grow in these areas, but it’s not always common to consider how to make our marriages better. In this episode, we give you a few questions to ask each other to get any year off to a great start. These aren’t all encompassing, but they should get you thinking. And remember, to watch your pronouns…this is a “we” discussion! The 8 Questions Evaluate what’s past… This past year did it seem like we controlled our schedules & money, or did our money and schedules control us? How well did we communicate with each other this year? What needed to be said more or less often? What are some of the best decisions we made to improve our marriage? What decisions should we have made differently? What were three of our best and challenging moments together this year? Plan for what’s ahead What must we do to control our sched

No matter how you define success, there is a natural tendency to project that definition onto your kids. In this episode, Billy and Joy talk about an article that gives us plenty to think about and chew on. If you’re ready for some “mind work” take a listen! Related (ish) Links and Follow up The Fast Company article we are discussing can be read in its full glory here. Between Parents is now on TuneIn and is also on twitter @between_parents You can also find us on Instagram @betweenparents Talk About This: Do you agree with the four strategies? Which one do you find most challenging and how do you need to think differently?    

If you have more than one child, you know siblings are going to fight. Sometimes the conflict is short and inconsequential, others times...well, it's not. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about goals for parents and kids for handling disagreements and managing three phases of conflict well. Take a listen and, more importantly, talk to others about what you hear! Related (ish) Links Mattress and cars don't go together!  Exhibit A - - here! If you want more than Joy's passing guess on the Socratic Method, check here.  Thanks for spending part of your day with us.  Remember to subscribe and leave a review! Also check us out on Instagram at Between Parents

One of the more emotional events for many parents is the process of heading back to work. Joy and Billy have navigated those waters for years and discuss managing guilt,  the importance of having a family strategy, and establishing boundaries with your employer. If you are walking this path, take a listen! Related (ish) Links: YKK padlock zippers are are thing... they are called key lock sliders. http://www.ykkfastening.com/products/types/s_zipper.html And, for the record, Joy DID receive a key for the beanbag. (Thanks Salesman Doug - - if that's your name!) I love Shonda Rhimes take on being a working mom. If you haven't read A Year Of Yes, it's worth your time.  Talk About This: What internal (family) priorities and practices we need to establish before heading back to work? What external (employer/employee) expectations and boundaries do we need to have in place in order to make the new dynamics work?

You get on an elevator and run into some friends who are about to have a baby. They ask you for your best advice before you get to the lobby. What do you say? What wisdom do you give at a moment’s notice? In this episode Billy and Joy offer five elements of their elevator pitch and while it’s not a complete list (we only have 20 floors in this imaginary building!), but it’s a start! Hop on board… Related (ish) Links and Follow up Words you like to say, Words you hate to say…  Chilean Cattywampus Cucamonga Fastidious The origin of the Mike Tyson quote is: “Everyone has a plan until they get hit.” was explained in the Sun Sentinel:  "People were asking me [before a fight], 'What’s going to happen?,' " Tyson said. "They were talking about his style. 'He's going to give you a lot of lateral movement. He's going to move, he's going to dance. He's going to do this, do that.' I said, "Everybody has a plan until they get hit. Then, like a rat, they stop in fear and freeze.' " The correct Taylor Swift song is… Never

Even when we know feedback strengthens relationships, in a marriage it’s easy to give input out of anger, at the wrong time, or to avoid the process entirely. In this episode we discuss practical steps for getting feedback from your spouse and how this process can strengthen your relationship. Related (ish) Links and Follow up CHICK-fil-A (emphasis matters) - But if you listen to the Oxford dictionary, maybe Joy is more right than wrong!  (What do you think?) http://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/pronunciation/english/chick-fil-a A blog post outlining much of this talk is here: http://joyphenix.com/blog/the-awkward-date-night/  Finally, as promised, here’s a list of the sample questions we discussed on the episode: Sample Questions: If you could change one thing about me, what would it be? Have I done anything to hurt you recently? If so, what? Do any of my friendships make you uncomfortable? What’s one thing that I do that bothers you that I don’t seem to realize? Is there anything that you’re nervo

Whether you have intentionally set aside family connection time OR you have found yourself waiting together in an unexpectedly long line (coke freestyle machines, I’m looking at you!), make the most of the time by playing together. Today’s conversation is about some of our favorite, (mostly) mobile games that give you the opportunity to laugh together. Related (ish) Links How many hours does the average dog sleep? http://www.petful.com/behaviors/how-long-dogs-sleep-average/ Algorithm a la Urban Dictionary… http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=algorithm&defid=8162210 Squiggly (make a picture) game http://joyphenix.com/blog/keeping-dinner-fun/ License plate games This post describes the license plate game along with a bunch of other road trip games. http://joyphenix.com/blog/on-the-road-again/ Compliment game http://joyphenix.com/blog/the-compliment-game/ Telephone on paper http://joyphenix.com/blog/playing-telephone-on-paper/ Make up a story http://joyphenix.com/blog/table-games/ https://www.sto

Every relationship has its tensions, but hanging with your in-laws has its own brand of intensity. While dynamics can vary wildly, a few basic principles can help any situation. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about a handful of “best practices” which are great foundations for healthy in-law relationships. Related (ish) Links  Earl Gray is NOT English Breakfast Tea https://blog.yourtea.com/earl-grey-vs-english-breakfast-tea/ Play the game – can you hear Mack, the yellow lab? He goes on a rolling escapade in the middle of recording ignoring all the pleas of our sound engineer (Billy).   This is a good article about the importance of trying to be empathetic http://www.wsj.com/articles/why-you-should-have-more-empathy-1462210724 Boundaries are your friend! This is our favorite writers on this topic are Henry Cloud and John Townsend https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1478795238&sr=8-5&keywords=boundaries  Please subscribe AND leave a

We don’t always realize both our kids AND our parenting are traveling through predictable stages. In fact, we go through the phases not once, but twice. In this episode Billy & Joy go through each stage so you will can recognize the challenges and realize that the "deja vu" you're experiencing is completely normal! Related (ish) Links: Backmasking a la Wikipedia  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Backmasking The famous Farrah poster… you don’t need a link do you? How about this one to switch things up? http://www.thebarbiecollection.com/celebrity-dolls/farrah-fawcett-doll-v7161 Subliminal messages http://www.neuro-vision.us/wordpress/subliminal-persuasion/do-subliminal-messages-work/ Growth Stage – Stephen Glenn Glenn’s most popular book is Raising Self Reliant Children in a Self-indulgent World https://www.amazon.com/dp/0761511288?_encoding=UTF8&isInIframe=0&n=283155&ref_=dp_proddesc_0&s=books&showDetailProductDesc=1#product-description_feature_div The book with the stages isn’t curren

When life gets full it’s easy to slip into maintenance mode and drift into isolation. But isolation is terrible for our marriage and family. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about why we avoid being in community, why it matters and how we find connection with others.  Related(ish) Links: The Jeep Wave – it’s a thing  http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jeep%20Wave No one describes the shame issue better than Brene Brown. You should watch her TED talk here http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en Or pick up her book Daring Greatly  https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419  “If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over?”  John Wooden Tim Ferris Podcast http://fourhourworkweek.com/podcast/  “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” Jim Rohn Talk about this: In your world, who is where you want to be? What are the tensions you face that you would want to ask them about?

Are you taking your child on a airplane? Do you know someone who is about to travel with a child?  Do yourself (or them) a favor and listen to this podcast where Joy & Billy discuss some best practices for flying with little ones. (Hint: success is all about your pregame preparations)   Related (ish) links: Would you rather? https://www.rrrather.com Teaching kids to show respect http://joyphenix.com/blog/teaching-your-kids-how-to-show-respect/   Thanks for tuning in!  Please leave a review and share with your friends!

Why do we raise our family the way we do? What influences us most? In this episode Billy and Joy discuss the importance of digging into how our past is impacts our family, even subconsciously, and why it can be a problem. We’ll talk about paying attention to the “smoke” in our family and giving ourselves permission to live differently. Related(ish) Links: The whole nine toe story http://joyphenix.com/blog/lessons-in-disobedience-forgiveness-consequences-through-a-missing-toe/ Ellie’s birthday campaign explained in her own words http://joyphenix.com/blog/ellies-charity-water-13th-birthday-campaign/ If you want to learn more about Charity Water, go here http://www.charitywater.org Thanks for checking us out! Remember to subscribe and leave a review!

 “It’s not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” F. Niechze Do you remember when you were first married and you felt good about connecting with your spouse? You enjoyed evenings together, having adventures, and in-depth conversations…then something happened. For many people the “something” was having kids. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about a couple of very practical (and admittedly unromantic) ideas for prioritizing your marriage.  Related(ish) Links: Smoothie straws really are fabulous (especially when they are clean!) https://www.amazon.com/Assorted-Colors-Smoothie-Straws-Pieces/dp/B01JQJYAM4/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1476478914&sr=8-3&keywords=smoothie+straws Joy’s written a bunch of posts on this topic, here are a few you might like. Three reasons your marriage needs getaways http://joyphenix.com/blog/3-reasons-your-marriage-needs-getaways/ Creating a culture of awesomeness http://joyphenix.com/blog/how-to-make-marriage-awesomeness-a-reality/  A little

Disagreement and tension SHOULD exist between parents and kids. Where there is friction, there’s an opportunity for learning. Where there’s tension and disagreement, there’s an opportunity to develop emotional intelligence in our kids. If you’re like us, you probably don’t like the idea that conflict is a necessary part of parenting. In this episode we’ll unpack an article by Lisa Damour which shifted our perspectives on why conflict is a good thing. Related(ish) Links: Caramel – there’s more than one way to say this word INCLUDING keeping the second a silent! http://blog.oxforddictionaries.com/2015/06/9-pronunciation-arguments-you-can-stop-having/ Carmel by the Sea doesn’t have the extra “a” but it DOES have fabulous beaches! http://www.wikihow.com/Organize-Your-Backpack The article we are discussing today by Lisa Damour is here http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/03/16/the-best-way-to-fight-with-a-teenager/?_r=0  My more detailed review of Lisa Damour’s book, Untangled http://joyphenix.com/blog/book-review

Wouldn’t it be great to have gauges on our kids telling us how we are doing? Wouldn’t you love to know if your approach to raising kind, healthy, and wise kids was actually working? We all crave measurement and feedback, but the input in slow in coming. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about the temptation to drift toward things with numbers. They discuss questions we might ask ourselves about what we really value and offer reminders about dangerous comparisons. Related(ish) Links:  How to hang a roll of toilet paper:  http://mentalfloss.com/article/67036/proper-way-hang-roll-toilet-paper A far too lengthy Wikipedia post about toilet paper: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper_orientation Salad Days – it’s a thing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salad_days How to properly pack a school backpack http://www.wikihow.com/Organize-Your-Backpack   Thanks for joining us! 

Welcome to Between Parents!    Parenting isn't easy and many people feel stress with their kids, tension in their marriages, or isolation from community. In this first episode Billy and Joy introduce themselves and discuss what listeners can expect from this podcast. The goal for these chats is to create starting points for parents to broaden their inputs and raise ideas which prompt helpful conversations between parents. (See what we did there?) We'd love to hear from you. You can reach us  joy@joyphenix.com Or follow on twitter @joyphenix @billyphenix More importantly, download another episode and/or subscribe to add more input into your parenting adventure!