Locker Room

Mike is the former lead pastor of Southland and he is currently teaching at multiple churches. He and Scott sit down to discuss what he's learned about men in his many years of ministry. A lot of guys are searching for approval. You can spend your whole life trying to attain the acceptance you already have. Jesus’ death on the cross for your sins proves that you are more valuable than you can ever imagine. How do you struggle to believe this as true?  “Am I enough?” Where does this question plague your identity the most?  What a man desires the most is unfailing love, but the problem is we look for it in people who can only offer conditional love. Who/where do you look for affirmation?  When we look to people for our affirmation and approval, we put a tremendous amount of pressure on them because they cannot be our God. Who have you put pressure on? How has that affected your relationship with them? We set ourselves up for disappointment when we look to imperfect people and things for our approval. Who/where

Scott talks with Dave Willis about his new book, Raising Boys Who Respect Girls   Dave starts out by saying, “The whole point in life is healthy relationships.” How does the way you spend your time and efforts support or conflict with this statement? What do you spend your time and effort pursuing the most? If we are not alarmed by our cultural climate then we are not paying attention. What are some dynamics of the cultural climate that frustrate you or that you don’t know how to navigate? When you hear the phrase “toxic masculinity” what are some of the first words you think of? How does “toxic masculinity” tend to taint or obscure “true masculinity”? How can men take up their responsibility to use our strength to protect women, not to take advantage of them? Boys are falling behind socially, spiritually, and academically because even if fathers are in the house, they’re not emotionally present. How can you work toward changing this as far as it is up to you? As men, we have to go first. We cannot ask our b

In this episode Scott talks about how to cultivate deep security in who we are. 1) What has been your past experience with cultivating deep security in who you are? What struggles have you encountered? 2) How have you historically been taught about God being all-knowing? How have you reacted to that truth? How have you tried to cover up things from God or clean up things for God? 3) Scott points out, there is no point in hiding from God because he is all-knowing. There are no deficiencies, inadequacies, faults, sins, weaknesses, that God sees in us as believers ...so then there is no point in hiding from him. What keeps you from viewing yourself the way God does? 4) God fully sees the good attributes you have. He sees your strengths, abilities, talents, courage, care, love, and giftedness. What are some of the good attributes you do have? 5) God sees you for who you are really (both good and bad) and loves you dearly in light of it all. His love for you is not up for negotiation. 6) We have all struggled for

Scott talks about insecurity and how it shows up in our behavior. Have you ever had a complete and utter meltdown? What was the cause of it?  If you have kids, can you resonate with the tension of wanting your kids to succeed and it having to do with your own identity? For those without kids, what are some other factors that threaten your identity? What are some of your deepest insecurities? How do you manage or hide them? Does your perception of yourself match what others think of you? Have you ever resonated with the thought that you have been “faking it till you make it”?  The reason we explode is because who we are is at risk. Do you have anyone in your corner always championing you to become the best version of yourself?  What things define who you think you are? One sign that someone is insecure is “not sharing the spotlight”. On the flip side, someone who is secure will tend to elevate others. Which one do you resonate with and why? Where and when do your insecurities show up? What situations reveal y

In this episode Scott continues his conversation with Jason Martinkus who leads Redemptive Living, which helps men who are struggling to restore their sexual integrity. Read Galatians 6:2. Have you ever approached the church or a counselor for help with issues related to sexual brokenness and idolatry? What was your experience like with each? What can the church do better to deal with these issues? When men are in crisis, where do they tend to go if left to their own resources? Where do you go? What do you know about how to get help? One of the huge disservices we do in church culture at large is we don’t talk about issues honestly. Jason acknowledged that most guys are struggling in some way. He made the assertion that, in one room at a conference, there were men who are having sex with animals, inanimate objects, women, children, transvestites. How does that hit you or how do you respond to that reality? Eventually, God says, “Enough.” He doesn’t allow the dysfunction and sickness in us to go on any longer

In this episode Scott talks with Jason Martinkus who leads Redemptive Living, which helps men who are struggling to restore their sexual integrity.  Jason shared about being introduced to pornography at a young age and the effects it had on him. Unfortunately, many men can relate to his experience. If appropriate, share with the group your first introduction to pornography and the effect it has had on you. "Swearing every time would be the last and then hating myself when it happened again" - I think we've all been there before, even the apostle Paul can relate. Read Romans 7:14-25. Why does this seem to be part of the human experience? What does it mean to for us to have two powers at war inside of our minds or to be slaves to sin? Why did Paul choose that language? Jason said, "you're not going to heal without the truth being on the table". What is it about bringing things into the light to allow them to be healed? (Imagine a doctor performing surgery in the dark) If we all agree with that principle, then

This is part 2 of Scott’s discussion with Gary Black. Gary shared about the "exchanged life"; trading a performance-based, approval-seeking mentality for the unconditional love and acceptance God is offering. How did he say that revolutionized his understanding of how God sees him? Did that resonate with you in any way? When God walks in the room, He smiles at you. He not only loves you He also likes you. Is that hard for you to believe? What would change if you believed that every day as you went throughout your day? How do legalism and shame keep us from letting God love us? What lies are we believing when we allow those things to tell us what God thinks of us? Romans 8:1 reminds us that there is now no condemnation for those in Christ. What truths did Gary emphasize from that verse? What we build our identity around is key. How can you lay down the "performance-driven life" while still being productive, setting goals, and working to achieve them?  When was the last time you did an honest evaluation of gra

In this episode Scott sits down with Gary Black. Gary shares the wisdom he has gained through decades of marriage, ministry, and manhood. Just to get the conversation rolling: have you ever been mugged or had a scary encounter similar to that? Share your story. God called Gary to overcome his fear of public speaking to preach the Gospel. What is a fear, insecurity, or doubt you have had that God has used to spread the Gospel and expand His Kingdom? Gary’s fear originated with insecurities from his childhood. What hurts or pains from your childhood still plague you today? You have an audience of one... Jesus. Are you playing for the grandstand or the coach? Are you living to gain accolades and praises from other people or are you receiving your self worth from Jesus? The reason God’s opinion of you is the only one that matters is because He created you; you are His. How do you struggle living out this truth? Who you are at home is who you really are. So who are you at home? When men are unhealthy, we tend to

In this episode Scott addresses what is commonly referred to as toxic masculinity. What have been your thoughts, interactions, or assumptions about the term “toxic masculinity?” What are some of society's problems that have placed the blame on toxic masculinity? Watch this Gillette commercial. What are your reactions? Do you agree or disagree with it? Why? Scott says there is no such thing as toxic masculinity because if it is toxic, it is not masculine. To be masculine is to be like Jesus because Jesus is the essence of masculinity. How does this truth challenge or sharpen what you have believed to be true about masculinity? The essence of manhood is responsibility. As men, we even need to take responsibility to help be a part of the solution to problems we didn’t cause. What are some situations you sense God calling you to be a part of the solution to by taking responsibility? As a father to a son, how are you helping him to understand and act out a biblical view of masculinity? As fathers of daughters, ho

In this episode, Scott, Chris, and Derrick continue their conversation and discuss work/life balance. For a lot of men, there is a struggle between home and work. Just because you live at home does not mean that you are present and pouring into those you are called to protect. Where do you feel the tension most with home vs. work? A common cultural lie is that we find our primary purpose in life from our careers. How would you say you have fallen victim to this? We need to leave work at work: What are some practices you put in place—or need to put in place—so that you can transition from work mode to home/family mode? Chris Hahn mentioned tracking your hours so you can get an honest look at how productive you really are with your time and discover areas where you can tighten up with productivity. Have you ever done this? What are some moments in your day where you could be more productive so you can be more present at home? A lot of what we do daily is based on what season of life we are in. What season of l

This is the wrap up of Scott and Chad’s conversation. Men are shaped dramatically between the ages of 12 and 20. Looking back, for good or ill, what are some significant ways you were formed in those years of your life? What was lacking for you? What was invested or built into you in a good way and who made those deposits? Talk about ways you might be able to invest in the lives of young men. Many lessons learned early in life become important to lifelong success. Chad found a way to allow the game of football to help develop people. How can you do that through a game? Or your work? Or through the role(s) you fill in your home? When we get deeply involved in something—in a game, our work, school—we can find aspects of what we do get woven into our identity. We heard some great advice in this podcast: “Separate what you do from who you are.” Until 2007, the game of football was Chad’s “god”. So the Lord had to take the joy in it away for a time, until it was put in its proper place. Chad even said he was the

Scott and former NFL quarterback Chad Pennington discuss the many things Chad’s learned through playing football and his passion to build into boys and young men. What might it look like for you to use your passions and gifts to give back to others? Who could benefit the most from you stepping up and stepping in to share what God has entrusted to you? “The greatest gift you can give your children is yourself.” What does this statement say to you about your relationship with your parents? What does it say about what you have to offer your own kids or younger people you may influence? Chad’s dad stepped down to coach freshmen so he could see his son play. Ask yourself this really hard question: Is there anything you do, personally or professionally, that is stealing from the most important people in your life? What do you think you need to do in response to this realization? If you’re not sure, pray in the coming days and ask God what He is trying to reveal to you. Chad mentioned the team-approach he and his w

Scott introduces Southland’s new women’s podcast: Defined. In this first episode, we introduce this podcast and outline the vision for redefining women’s conversations. You can listen to episodes of Defined here or subscribe on iTunes. Thanks for tuning in!

Vinnie Lopez is a former professional MMA fighter and current owner of Vital Strength and fitness in Denver Colorado. He is also a professional coach of several current fighters both in the UFC and outside of it. In this episode Vinnie and Scott discuss Vinnie’s story and what he is currently passionate about.   Discussion Questions: Vinnie had a rough childhood and was essentially left to fend for himself. Now, looking back, what did he say he’s learned from those experiences? How is that being redeemed for good? Ironically, MMA fighting was the thing that softened Vinnie’s heart enough to let Jesus in. What things would you point to in your life that softened your heart to hear and respond to the gospel? Vinnie’s whole life has been about pushing through painful or difficult situations and coming out on the other side. What happens when we go through the fire? What do we learn about ourselves? Everybody avoids pain differently. How do you try to get around it or take the easy route? What habits do we need

Scott and Jon attended one of Jordan Peterson’s lectures. In this episode they share their thoughts on the message Jordan Peterson brings to men. Discussion Questions: Before this podcast had you heard of Jordan Peterson? Had you heard about his opposition to legislation, his lectures, or his book 12 Rules of Life? A lot of young men are drawn to Peterson because of our need for someone who will speak truth into our lives and provide us with high challenge. Why do men gravitate to that? Do you see this “father-hunger” void show up in other areas? Read 1 Corinthians 4:14. Who would you say have been spiritual guides or spiritual fathers in your life? Jon and Scott talked about wrestling, hunting, sports, etc. There seems to be an innate physicality to boys and men, do you agree or disagree? Why? Read John 5:19-20, 8:28. What can we learn from Jesus’ relationship with his Father? Share what you think about Peterson’s quote, “If you want to make dangerous men, make weak boys.” C.S. Lewis said, “We make men with

In this episode, Scott discusses the famous story of David and Goliath. David showed patience towards Saul because he trusted in God’s anointing and timing for him. In what area of your life do you need to trust God and His timing? How could patience change your current situation? “Faith pushes us through our fears.” Talk about a fear or anxiety you have faced lately. What is faith calling you to do in response? Goliath focused on the physical, David focused on God. In what area of your life do you need to look to Jesus instead of your own abilities? David shows us that God can use whoever he wants, however he wants, whenever he wants. And God is greater than any giant we could face. What giant are you currently up against? How can you trust God’s ability in light of that? Read 1 Samuel 17:48-54. Goliath was ultimately defeated with his own weapon which was a foreshadow of how Satan would one day be defeated by what he thought was his own weapon, the cross. The cross secures our victory over our enemy. What

Jennifer is the first female guest on Locker Room! In this episode she shares with us some of what she's learned about men through many years of counseling. Jennifer Wallace says that her job consists of “listening to people's stories.” Take a moment to think about the high point and low point of your past week. Share your story. The number one reason men do not seek help is because of pride; we are unwilling to look weak. How is this true for you, specifically? Our struggles today are rooted in our past. Either we did not receive things we should have, or things were done to us that should not have been. Which has affected you more? How? Recently men have been more willing to come forth and admit to Jennifer that they need help because they are “tired of feeling stuck.” Where and why do you feel stuck? In what area of your life have you settled for the lie that “things are never going to change?” (example: relationships, career, addictions) Why do you believe this? Common obstacles that keep men from gettin

Scott and Patrick talk about the challenges men and women have in communicating with one another. Did you grow up in a family where it was encouraged to communicate and share your feelings? Was it ok to cry or did you feel like you were supposed to hide? How was your dad as a communicator? (Overly aggressive or overly passive, failing to engage, etc.) Read Genesis 3:6-11. How is our shame deeply rooted in the original Fall of man? What are the consequences of covering up or shoving down our shame? What is the fear of being naked and vulnerable? How is Paul trying to flip this idea back around in Ephesians 5:25-33? How is he challenging men to be initiators, to be proactive, and to start the conversation? Patrick said this is so tough for men because you are “taking the risk of being seen and being weak”. Is it hard for you to venture into areas where you feel incompetent? When someone shares a problem or concern, do you find yourself dismissing it, going straight to trying to fix it, or seeking to listen and

In this episode Scott talks to former Major League Baseball player Austin Kearns. Austin talks about the importance of failure, mental toughness, his love for coaching and being a dad. Group Questions   Share a baseball related story with the group. Maybe your famous little league days or best ballpark you’ve got to see a game in. Austin spent 3yrs in the minor leagues before 11yrs in the majors. What kind of mental toughness would you have to develop during that stage of your career? The major league baseball season is long - 162 games, with all the travel, the hotel rooms, being away from family, etc. But as they say “You gotta perform to stay”. Do you ever feel that kind of pressure at your job? Austin said, “I always learned the most from failure”. How is failure such a great teacher? What do you learn about yourself when you fail? Mental toughness in dealing with adversity is a key in baseball and in life. Discuss 1 Peter 1:13 and 2 Timothy 4:5 Why is mental toughness commanded in the Bible? Austin shar

In this episode Scott talks about what we can learn from Elijah. Discussion Questions: Read 1 Kings 17. How did God demonstrate his provision for Elijah out in the desert? What was he teaching Elijah? What do you think Elijah was thinking when God sent him to live with a widow and her son? What would you think of God’s plan if you were in this story? How did God continue to show his provision, to both Elijah and the widow’s family? Read 1 Kings 18:19-39 Before this showdown on Mt. Carmel, do you think Elijah thought about running away? Or do you think he was so excited he couldn’t wait? What details of the story stuck out to you? As readers & listeners to Elijah’s life, what are we learning about God’s character? Read 1 Kings 19:1-18. Often after our greatest victories, we face our greatest temptations. Share a time when that has happened in your own life. What is the significance of God showing up in a gentle whisper instead of the wind, earthquake or fire? At times in these stories Elijah showed extrem