Between Parents

By the time we reach adulthood everyone has fully developed Operating Systems. These systems are the way we engage with the world in a kind of reflexive manner. They are a well-crafted blend of nature AND nurture and are perfect for achieving the results we are currently experiencing. But because these systems operate in the background, we don’t always recognize what’s working and what’s not. In this episode Billy and Joy tee up a few ideas for identifying our systems and for getting insights into our blind spots. Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast  Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on In

We all have habits. We all do little things daily that add up to something bigger than we expect. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about Charles Duhigg’s concepts around Keystone Habits and how little efforts can make a big difference in our relationships and with our families. Take a listen and find small victories you can have with little changes!  Talk about this: What ills do you see in your marriage / family that might improve in the presence of a good keystone habit? What Keystone habits do you ALREADY do? What others might you try adding on? Remember – just introduce one new habit at a time!! Related Links: If you love this topic, we highly recommend Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit.  Listen to Duhigg’s TED Talk here. The Jerry Seinfeld “Don’t Break The Chain” calendar explained here.   Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Have you left a review on iTu

Unfortunately children don’t come with an owner’s manual and parents aren’t given a detailed job description. Is it any wonder raising kids can be confusing? In this episode Billy and Joy talk about three parts of a parent’s job which clarify what it is we are really doing with our kids! Talk about this: Talk to your spouse and/or circle of people you do life with and compare note about the most challenging parts of your parenting “job description. Do you struggle most being the Conscience, Consequences, or Self-Discipline? ALSO - spend some time talking about your “segue plans.” Are you intentionally handing things off to your kids? Why or why not? Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Also have you left a review on iTunes? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to lis

Have you ever heard of a nameless team…or of a team without logos, colors, and songs? These are common tools used to identify groups, to rally individuals and to galvanize fans. When you see people sporting a particular mascot on the back of their car, you learn something about them. In this episode, Billy and Joy talk about the importance AND the process of creating a family identity. Talk about this: What's stopping you from creating a family identity? What is your process to hone in on your values? When and where will you do it? How will you display and celebrate your values? Related link: Here’s an example of the truth wall mentioned in the episode. (Click here) Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast   Also have you left a review on iTunes? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn

Was Jerry McGuire right? Does marriage really “complete” us? We have all heard ideas about marriage that bear little resemblance to the realities of our relationships. In today’s episode Billy and Joy kick four myths to the curb and offer some more practical insights on what having a spouse really means. Talk about this: Which myth did or do we currently believe? In what way do we need to ground our marriage in a more healthy reality? Related link: The Tim Keller series Billy mentions in the episode was eventually turned into a book that we love called The Meaning of Marriage. Click here.    Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Also have you left a review on iTunes? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back wi

What do you do when you catch your kid lying to you? This is one of the biggest, most common dilemma parents face. In this episode Billy & Joy talk about why this topic is so emotional and review four approaches to confronting the lies. The quick four: Set right expectations Execute productive reactions Foster communication Be intentional with consequences Talk about this: From what I've experienced / known of MY kids, what is his/her propensity or reasoning for most lies? What might be the problem behind the lie? What do I need to change in the way I approach lying? Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Have you left a review on iTunes? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between

Somewhere between the sleepless nights and high school graduation, parents often lose the “fun” part of their family. As understandable as this loss is, who really wants to settle for drudgery? In this episode Billy and Joy talk about what kills the fun and then talks about approaches to maximizing the enjoyment with your team.  Take a listen and if you need a quick reminder of their list, here you go: Defend against the return of the bad habits (or to put in a positive way, get your rest, maintain margin, avoid comparisons, stop complaining, & manage expectations) Articulate “Fun” as a goal Lean into your kids for ideas -- kids come naturally to play -- PLAY WITH THEM (If you need specific ideas, download episode #10) Make a plan Celebrate often Lighten up the pressure. Talk about this: Do we have all the joy we desire in our family? What needs to change? Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect wit

Are you thinking about having kids? Ever wonder what you need to know or maybe what things you shouldn’t worry about? Where do you start? In this episode Billy & Joy talk about six crucial practice you should develop before you have kids. While this list isn’t exhaustive, it’s a great starting point. Here’s a quick recap of the list: #1 – Establish healthy habits #2 – Dial into families whose family (and processes) you admire #3 – Prioritize your marriage #4 – Prepare for your new life with some practical questions #5 – Imagine the failings, disappointments, and flaws with a family #6 – Practice Serving Talk about this: Where do we need to spend time thinking about our pre-kid planning? Related Link In case you want to see the list of misspelt words! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/5538890/Definitely-is-most-commonly-misspelt-word.html Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with u

Parenting is the perfect environment for fear to grow and flourish…but it doesn’t have to. In today’s episode Joy and Billy kick around a few ideas for getting out of the worry/fear cycle. (And yes, worry is a synonym for fear!) Here’s the four key habits for those of you who like notes! Name you fears – bringing your fears into the light helps defuse their power. Get to the root of your fear – knowing what you’re really afraid of helps you understand and deal with the true issue. Share your fears – there’s power in community. Take a long view- perspective helps! Talk about this: What are you afraid of…really? Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Also have you left a review on iTunes? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa).

When you’re raising a family, it’s easy to drift into command & control mode – to talk AT our kids rather than talk WITH them. In this episode, Billy and Joy chat about how to interrupt the lecture habit with a handful of powerful questions. What do you want to say? This question encourages kids to use their words to describe their emotions. Did you do your best? This takes the focus off of comparison in order to emphasize effort. What do YOU think? The beauty of this question is that with younger children you see their imagination, while with the older set you discover their opinions, logic, and planning skills. What was your role? This may be the toughest question of all because answering this questions means taking responsibility for your actions. What was your goal? When you ask this question, you’re exploring your child’s hopes, dreams, and disappointments. This question can be a starting point for a greater depth of connection.  Related(ish) Follow up Points & Links: Of COURSE there’s a buzzfe

Abandonment, infidelity, abuse – it’s easy to name big issues that undermine relationships, but what about the little things? In this episode Billy & Joy talk about seemingly small habits and blind spots which can also threaten the health of our marriage. We call these behaviors “mosquitos” because while their stature is small, their negative impact is considerable. Related(ish) Links: Mosquitos are seriously the deadliest animal in the world. Check THIS out.   Talk about this: Identify the threats and consider, what are some of the “mosquito-sized” threats in this particular season of our marriage? (Remember, the threats can change throughout your marriage. Consider… Quantity AND consistency of time Failure to celebrate your spouse Lingering resentments/keeping score Failure to be a student of your spouse Unidentified or unaddressed issues from the past A lack of self-awareness What are the practical ways we can “swat ‘em?”   Also remember… We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you’ll receiv

“Happiness begins where selfishness ends.” John Wooden, the legendary UCLA basketball coach and all-around leadership guru made this astute observation years ago. In this episode Joy & Billy talk about the impact selfishness has on marriages and parenting. After all, don’t we all want to get our way, to be first, to win? What does it take to live selflessly? While you won’t find all the answers here (far from it!), you should find plenty of things to think about and discuss with the people you “do life with.” Related(ish) Links: Read about the amazing High School kid who did nothing but praise fellow students on social media HERE Talk about this: Identify the threats -- In what environments/scenarios/seasons do you tend to become most selfish? Identify situations where you’re most likely to be selfless. Finally, practice doing something selfless this week – either individually or as a family. Also remember… We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be abl

Anger is an unavoidable and universal emotion. As parents we have to model and teach our kids what to do with this emotion. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about three areas to consider as we walk this challenging path; how to express, how to cope, and how to resolve anger. This episode has plenty to think about AND discuss with others.  In fact... Talk about these two buckets: #1 - Personal accountability - How well do you manage your anger? Would people say you have a "temper"? Does your family feel safe with you? Who can hold you accountable for your anger? #2 - Which area do you need to "shore up" with your kids - Express - Cope - or Resolve? Also remember… We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Also - Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the f

While there are times and places for saying, “Because I said so,” the phrase doesn’t make a compelling communication strategy. In this episode Billy and Joy discuss why ditching this phrase is so important to your long-term parenting goals. Take a listen! Related(ish) Links: Do you know “Mike Brady moments”?? Watch a fun video here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LYO1LMVmO4 Talk about this: What is your current communication stage – obedience or communication? How easily do you drift into the “because I said so” mentality? What’s stopping you from having deeper conversations with your kids? Also remember… We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you’ll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast Also - Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You c

In today’s episode Billy & Joy review 10 helpful principles for people with newborns. For those of you driving, walking, or otherwise unable to note these ideas, here a quick recap! CAREFULLY SELECT YOUR MENTORS AVOID COMPARISON DON’T BE A HERO (or say yes when people offer to help.)       4. MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS       5. LOSE YOUR PRIDE       6. PRIORITIES FOUNDATIONAL THINGS           Job #1 – Eating & Sleeping           Job #2 – Rest & Community      7. BE A TEAM      8. GET OUTSIDE      9. LIGHTEN UP     10. EMBRACE THE CHANGE & BE KIND Also remember… Even if you don’t have newborns, share this episode with those who do. Also - please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Sometimes marriages flounder and fail because little weeds grow into big weeds; small problems become huge problems. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about five often-overlooked threats to marriage and adjustments we can make to mitigate those threats. Take a quick listen and remember to talk to your community about these questions! Talk about this: How have your expectations lead to tensions in your marriage? In what areas of your marriage are you most likely to think “me first?” If you could spend a season with a counselor, what area of your life would benefit from the attention? What is stopping you from seeing someone? Does your spouse feel as if they are first in your life? What bad habits of yours have impacted your marriage? Also remember… Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @b

Parents are often (and naturally) hesitant when it comes to allowing their kids to take risks. However, it’s important to prepare our kids for life in a dangerous world. How do you decide to stretch your children’s comfort zone? Let’s discuss… Related(ish) Links: Halibut Cove Alaska is definitely worth a visit (even if you’re not learning to drive a boat.) http://www.halibutcove.com  Do you remember Family Circus? One of our favorites! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Family_Circus  Talk about this: This week's section is more extensive than usual (which we explain) so here's a list of the questions. What is the goal in allowing this risk? How does your personal wiring play into what you allow your kids to do? How does your child’s wiring play into their risk taking? Are there any areas that could be too limiting? What specific opportunities can you provide which will stretch your kids? Also remember… Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTun

Have your kids ever hurt your feelings? If so, you’re not alone! In today’s podcast we talk about how to model forgiveness and the importance of not just “taking your licks” but teaching your kids how their words matter. We barely scratch the surface of this important topic, but you will have PLENTY to ideas for your conversations with your spouse or other parents. Related(ish) Links “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” - Attributed to Carrie Fisher, but I’m not 100% on this! Lisa Damour's book Untangled.   Talk about this: Where do you most need to offer forgiveness? Where do you need forgiveness! Also remember… Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon’s Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Getting your kids to eat three meals a day can be stressful. How do you manage to get the right things into their bellies? On this week’s podcast Billy & Joy move beyond the two biggest factors (Environment & Modeling) and talk strategy. This is the list… (listen to the episode for full context!) 1 - Recognize cycles - 2. Continue exposure 3. Don't make it a battle 4. Plate the family food - this helps w/#3 5. Use a variety of names for 6. Enlist their help 7. Let them help in the meal prep. 8. Praise tastings! 9. Season separately 10. Leverage unique things their friends eat 11. INVEST in your skills --  Related(ish) Links Are kids are hardwired to like certain foods? Check out this study. This article describes how kids are more likely to taste and respond negatively to bitter foods. Talk about this… actually, this week just try something new! Let us know what you discover!  Also remember… Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in h

With Joy out of town this week, Billy “goes solo” and shares some of the best and favorite advice he’s received from men who’ve walked before and beside him. Gals, feel free to listen in, but this one is especially designed for the men. A quick recap of the The Big Five (so far) 1. Make a study of your spouse, your family, and yourself. 2. Invest into all your roles fully. 3. Guard your time. 4. Be a protector. 5. Build community As always, we'd love for you to leave us a review and share this podcast with others.