Exploring The Work With Karen

What is making a decision like for you? Do you make it and then imagine what other people are going to say, how they are going to respond and so prepare yourself for that conflict? Let's explore this concept.

"You're not listening to me"... I have a list of other beliefs sitting behind this key thought in my life. A regular belief that I lived with most of my life that had me also believe that you're not interested in what I have to say.

Do you ask for what you want? Are you able to ask for what you want without the expectation of getting it? In this episode we talk about how our sense of self worth connects into our ability to ask for what we want.  At least that is the connection that I have made. I would love to hear your experience of it.

Do you feel stressed?  Will you give yourself 5 minutes to slow down and check in? Here's a simple process of questioning who or what is causing you stress in this moment.  Try it and let me know if it works for you.

Have you noticed that sometimes you react to something that someone says in a very childlike way?  I noticed that I used to react to my boss as if I was reacting to my Mother speaking to me.  Sound familiar?   These patterns are great to notice so that you can capture them and question them using The Work of Byron Katie.

How many expectations do you have of others?  Do you notice that having those expectations and not having them met doesn't feel good?  What I have noticed is that it is not really about the expectation.  What I am really wanting is an acknowledgement from the other person.  Do you notice this too?

Do you notice how many expectations you have in your daily life?  Are they conscious most of the time, or unconscious? I've noticed that I have a lot of expectations and most of them are unconscious until they aren't met.  What do you notice?

Do you notice that you spend time 'thinking' when you do The Work?  Are you wanting to find the moment, or find a specific thought?  This is what I call intellectualising. What I've noticed is when I do The Work from that place it isn't as effective for me as when I get in touch with the emotional and Work from that place, that feeling place that's not about the intellect.

Do you notice your inner critic?  How critical are they of the behaviour that you experience? What I notice is that my inner critic likes to judge my 'childish' behaviour as not okay and yet as a child that is the only way I knew how to behave.

As a child when you were told you were a 'good girl' or a 'bad boy' did you notice your response and how you reacted from then on, especially if you were labelled bad? One reason why their reactions matter is that we won't receive the love, affection or attention that we think we want if we are not being good.  Let's explore this concept.

Have you noticed how you treat the men in your life?  Do you treat them differently to the way you interact with women?   I noticed that I have an expectation that men will understand how I am feeling, or what is happening for me, and yet I don't have the same expectation when I am around women. What do you notice about the way that you treat men?

Here are five proven tips for taking some of the intensity out of your anxiousness in order to calm down and capture some of what is causing you to be anxious. These five tips are proven to help you slow down your busy mind.

Often we, as adults are afraid to let children express their emotions because we believe that others will see us as a bad parent or we think that it is not a good thing for our child to do. Emotions are the reactions to thoughts that we are having.  We all react to our thoughts and so what you child is doing is perfectly reasonable.  There is a benefit in letting them express their emotions freely. In the longer term, they will be healthier and happier.  You can be clear about whether you want to say Yes, or No to your child and their reaction is theirs.

Do you have trouble making decisions?  Do you find that you spend a lot of time in the "I should" or "I shouldn't space." Why not try the double bind exercise?

Do you notice that you put on a facade to protect yourself from the outside world in order to protect yourself?  Do you notice how you make it look like everything is okay, when inside it isn't. I have this belief that I'm not sure that I will find my way out of the emotion, the intensity of the emotion, if I let it out.

Do you listen to yourself when you speak?  I began listening to myself and noticing how many times I used the words but and because.  I also started noticing why I use the word 'but', my justification for what I am saying.  

Are you too scared to ask for what you want because of what you believe is going to happen.  Do you sit and wait due to being scared of what you think will happen?

What is it about me that you don't like?  I make everything personal even when it isn't. I have a lot of thoughts in my mind when I am believing that you are judging me.

My partner responded with "That sounded defensive".. I didn't believe that I was being defensive. I felt justified in believing that I wasn't defensive. Sure sign that yes I was being defensive.. defending myself. Let's explore why we are defensive.

What is it that you might be waiting for? I've put my life on hold waiting for someone to say 'Yes it's okay, everything is going to be okay, go for it."