Hearty Dice Friends

We take a break from the advice this week and instead let you into our game design workshop, thrashing out ideas for one-page RPGs coming from prompts sent in by YOU, the listener. Featuring: Enter the Dagon, Butter Spy, Fake Sailor, Scream If You Want To Get Vaster, GURPS, and more. Keep an eye out for a subsequent podcast in which we fully design the winner, Jason Statham's Big Vacation - a game in which you must make sure that the muscly movie star doesn't get too sad, bored, arrested or dead to enjoy his holiday. We love you, - Grant & Chris

We're back, baby! Check us out! Woo! (We took three weeks off.) Anyway, on this week's episode: - Octopus beaks, and why are they, and can we stop them - Cheating at roleplaying games, and can we stop it - Writing 6th Edition D&D, apparently - Grant's problem that he has with drinking that we sure hope isn't a "drinking problem," if you get us - Sun vs Moon - Chekhov's +5 Sword And many more! It feels good to be back. We love you. Hop on our knee and tell us what you want for Christmas. - Grant and Chris

Giraffes: what a bunch of bastards. Look at them, walking around with those necks and those spots, eating all the good leaves on the tops of trees. Listen - don't stand for that shit any more. Go out onto the veldt and destroy them. We'll teach you how. Never lost another fight with a giraffe. We love you, - Grant and Chris

You get this week's episode a whole three days early! Don't eat it all in one go. Space it out. Coming up: - Dickery - Biscuits - Hitpoints - Weddings - Bad guys And more! We love you. - G+C

DING DING DING! It's the podcast bell! Come along, children, gather round the fire for a hot steaming bowl of podcast. Eat up! In this week's episode: - Druid sex? - What do our families think about our jobs? - Can we get rid of magic? - Dog-based RPG systems? - The Elevator Game? And many more! - Grant and Chris

Can you hear that? Bursting wet from the edge of forever? Cruising greasy and unclean over the crest of eternity? Roaring fierce and with many voices, a chorus of nightmares? It is: the Vengabus. It is the herald of Never, and it will be our doom. Much love, - Grant and Chris

We hired Carnegie Hall! We can barely believe it either. It might sound like we're recording it in our houses, like we normally do, and I just patched in unconvincing sound effects after the fact, but: shut up. In this episode: Fabulous special guest interviews! And: What happens after D&D? How do you build a homebrew setting? Holding onto butts? Romance? And many more? We love you. Thank you for helping us get this far. - G

Steven Segal is a majestic, unstoppable force of nature, like an iceberg or an old hoary buffalo or a huge fart, and we really hope he doesn't sue us when we take this thing to Kickstarter. We love you (Steven), - G + C

Hi, I'm Dick Biscuits, and I'm here to talk to you about burlesque safety. Did you know what over twenty performers a year are killed from glitter inhalation? Glitter, or as I call it, "The Silent Killer," is one of the most dangerous substances in the world today, and still sales of it go unchecked and unregulated. Please sign my petition. Please. I live in the back of a shop. You have to help me.

Listen: all werewolves are masochists. Or: all werewolves are boyfriends. Anyway, one way or another, your werewolf boyfriend is into some real weird shit. We had some audio issues with this episode, mainly: Grant recorded his half of the show using a shoe, apparently? So he has awful audio this episode, and we're sorry about that. We beg for your forgiveness. Much love, - G + C

We continue our quest to redesign D&D by using random words; this week, a city of nightmare science gets walled off by conservative druids, and the half-human, half-animal creatures caught up in the middle raid the twisting streets for treasure. (We're both too ill for a proper podcast this week, so you'll have to make do, I'm afraid.)

On this week's episode: - How do you tell your spouse you don't like their RP style? - What happened to the people in this village? - Prestidigitation: why? - Currency: yes or no? And many more. Slap in some earbuds and pump up the volume for another hot steaming serving of your boys Chris and Grant gobbing off into microphones for your pleasure. Much love, - C+G

A special treat for y'all: we're trying out some new formats, and one of them is Worlds Apart. In this, we'll build a world live on air based on an established setting - one that you can use in your games, mine for inspiration, or just enjoy listening to. In this episode, we consider the effects of an alien invasion in a fantasy kingdom. If you liked this episode and would like to hear more, let us know! - Grant and Chris

In 1973, Slade sang: "Cum on, feel the noize!" Today, we're inviting you to come on and feel OUR noises, by which we mean: use the delicate bones in your ears to "feel" the vibrations that this episode make when played over a speaker. Coming up this week: - What's the kind of milk that you'd most like to, and least like to, drink? - Should you plan the end of a campaign from the start of it? - What is an RPG that lets you play as vehicles, not people? - What checks and balances do you have in place to stop releasing utter shite? And many more. We love you. Come over here by the fire; we've got a jumper and a biscuit with your name on it. - Grant and Chris

"Merry Christmas and a Happy New Dice! It's us, ya boys, the Hearty Dice Friends, and we're back with the second half of our 2017 Christmas special. In this episode: - Who's the best Christmas villain? - How many hitpoints does Santa have, and furthermore, how would you kill him? - What's the most Christmassy spell? - What the fuck IS eggnog, anyway? - 5 tips for playing a better Ranger! And many more. We love you. Sit on our knee and tell us what you want for Christmas; don't tug on our beards, though. One of them is fake. - Grant(s Festive Wishes) and (Merry) Chris(tmas)

Ho ho ho! It's one half of our Christmas special, brought to you by this week's sponsors: Turkey and Little Baby Jesus. In this week's episode: - How would you improve Christmas? - Which of the 12 Days of Christmas makes the hardest encounter? - How would you turn the Nativity into a horror adventure? - Also some bollocks that isn't Christmas-themed we guess Much love. If you want to get us presents, the thing we always want is bourbon. - G

Hey look! It's that big green guy we all know and love: Blanka! He lives in the jungle and he does electric for fun and profit. His dad is a tree and his mum is twenty eels. Also in this episode: - What's it going to take for RPGs to become mainstream? - What interesting weapons do we not often see in games? - What system would you use to resolve a dance contest? - Another solid five minutes on crisps, but this time we tie them to dragons? Much love, - Grant and Chris

On this week's show: - A surprisingly long chat about old crisps, right off the bat - Dwarfsongs - Dice training, and why it shouldn't - Chromatic goblins - Teeth? - Fun but problematic content in games vs People actually buying it - And many more, including a special surprise guest! Much love, as ever. - G

What is Britishness? We just don't know. We might as well ask: what are birds? Seriously, though, we don't know. But we have a damn good go at talking about it on this lecture, and we certainly talk about pubs a lot. Thank you, patrons, for your ongoing support. We adore you. - G & C

ON THIS WEEK'S EPISODE: - Timed games? - Lunchtime roleplaying? - James Bond? - Beer and/or pretzels? - New players? And many more. Also we're very sorry but Grant had some ambient noise on his track that we can't remove; hopefully you'll be able to struggle through and pick out what he says regardless. One day we'll be able to afford sound-proofing equipment. ONE DAY. We love you. Hop on our shoulders, and we'll give you a great view of the band. - Grumbo and Crumbo