Trapped In The Cage With Nicolas Cage

Aw dag, Alex couldn't make it to this one! He was too busy having mind-altering procedures forcibly done on him. Weekends, am I right? Also, Nicolas Cage joins us to try hawking a bed stuffed with pubes.

Snake Eyes is a movie so stuffed with movie that it made the dang podcast late! You suck, Brian DePalma! Not as a filmmaker, though, just as an entity that delayed the podcast. Also, if you're listening, Mr. DePalma, where's that sexy Blow Out sequel we've all been waiting for?

Oh, Nicolas. Did someone tell you you were playing an angel, and you thought you would be playing TV's Angel? From a television series that wasn't out yet? His brain is on a nonlinear timeline after all. That's he only explanation we have for why Nicolas Cage would play an angel without demanding resplendent angel wings. Instead, he's just got a trenchcoat and the occasional creep smile.

This movie is amazing, and the microphone picked up a totally awesome fart during the recording. See if you can guess when the fart happens and which brother dealt it!

It's our second live show! Josh couldn't join us for this one, as he's off in the Pacific Northwest being a better cousin than Alex, but we've got Sarah Ahmed and Jesse Hill live at the Coalition Theater chatting all about Con Air, the finest airplane-themed action comedy since Airplane! if that movie had an explosion for every hilarious good.

Oh boy oh jeez oh man, it's our first live show! You won't hear the audience THAT well, and for that I apologize, as we only have the one mic that we had to huddle around like poor wastrel orphans trying desperately to stay alive in the harsh winter. Fuck, that's dark! We watched The Rock, the classic Michael Bay action picture featuring old NC, Sean Connery, and Ed Harris! This was such an amazing experience, and we can't wait for our next live show! At the time of uploading this, our next one is at the end of September.

What's that, the telephone is ringing? Better pick that up. Hello? OSCAR? Is that Mr. Oscar of the Hollywood Oscars? Oh, you don't want to talk to me. You want to talk to Nicolas Cage. Oh. I see. No, no, I'm not upset or anything! No, I'm fine. Really. I'm FINE. Let me just get Nicolas for you. HEY NICOLAS CAGE! YOU JUST WON AN OSCAR! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?

Ok, loves, this is Nicolas Cage's last picture before he wins his Academy Award, and he's on the cusp of Action Movie Messiah. Unfortunately, it's not the best movie. Kiss of Death was supposed to be a vehicle to launch the movie career of one David Caruso. Unfortunately, as you've probably noticed, David Caruso isn't really a movie star. Or really doing anything, now that CSI Miami is through. What we're left with is Nicolas Cage as a B.A.D. boy gangster. Hey, what's B.A.D. stand for? You'll know soon enough. It's a symbol of Nicolas Cage's individuality and his belief in personal freedom. Also, Josh talks a lot about Michael Rappaport's big, thick tongue, and I'm sorry you have to hear that.

You know that feeling when you've got something that's almost good? How maddening it is when you know in your heart of hearts that you've come really, really close to doing a good job, only to realize you wanged it up just enough to look incompetent, but not enough to look like you need to find a new line of work? This is a complicated metaphor. Trapped in Paradise is a kind of failure that just barely misses being an actual decent movie. Our Cage manages to get a little more wound up than in It Could Happen to You, so at least there's that!

Ok, there's a technical whoopsie in the middle of this episode. Blame Josh for spreading forbidden, forgotten knowledge that sends ripples throughout space-time in our reality and the neighboring branes on our multiversal stack. I have some pamphlets from Warren Ellis and Grant Morrison if you want more on the nature of multiverse-interrupting facts, but for now, Josh and I are gonna talk about It Could Happen to You, one of the more boring and rote Nicolas Cage movies we are going to see. Plus, see almost every character of a non-white ethnicity be reduced to a stereotype or a screaming banshee of displeasure!

Welcome to the end of our grand world tour, this time seeing Josh on his own discussing Guarding Tess with returning guests Josh Thorud and Brad's Bud AKA Thrillhammer. You get two episodes this week because your two dingus brother podcasters dinged it up again and didn't do an episode last week. Ooops! Join us at the Coalition Theater at 10:00 on Friday, July 28th for our live show! We'll talk about The Rock and possibly a cock and our favorite Vulcan, Spock.

It's part two of our fabulous road tour! This week, join Alex in the far-off land of "less than a mile away from the studio" as he discusses Deadfall with local advertising legend Geoff Stone, who has a very peculiar painting on his wall. Deadfall features what may be Nicolas Cage's worst crazy performance, and that brings no small amount of sadness to say. Join us at the Coalition Theater at 10:00 on July 28th to see our live show! We're gonna talk about The Rock and maybe throw peanuts at each other like the good funtime boys we are.

Josh done got himself in a whole heap of trouble this July, and he's out of the country. WAY out. Phil Shepard, frequent guest and Friend of the Show, fills my dear brother's size 9 Chuck Todds rather nicely as we talk about the cult darling Red Rock West, where Nicolas Cage flexes his range quite nicely by giving a nuanced performance and allows himself to be overshadowed by the late, great Dennis Hopper. Also, we have a live show in Richmond, VA coming up July 28th! Listen at the end of the show for details on that!

Hey everyone. Take a seat over here near me. We've got to talk about race in this episode, thank you very much E. Max Frye, writer and director of Amos and Andrew. It's uncomfortable, discussing a movie as awakened about racial issues as you could be in a mainstream Hollywood comedy in 1993, but our uncomfort is your pleasure. That's what mom always said!

Have you ever wanted to get married, but your partner has commitment issues? Did you partner pawn you off for a passionate weekend in Hawaii with James Caan? Have you ever spent two hours watching a movie where the titular event never actually happens? Well, good God, you have issues. Also, you might actually be Nicolas Cage from Honeymoon in Vegas. Nice to see you again, Mr. Cage. Can I take you jacket? NO MISTER CAGE STOP ASSAILING ME WITH YOUR TENEBROUS ENERGY TENTACLES ARRRRGLGLGLGL

Hey friends, remember how we said Vampire's Kiss was the most Nicolas Cage we'd seen? Zandalee gives it a run for its money while also being just the absolute pits of a movie. Judge Reinhold with a thin mustache and a terrible Nawlins accent and Nic Cage high kicking the air in silhouette is just the tip of this iceberg of insanity. This is The Room not made by a team of complete incompetents while also being just as inscrutable and inane as Tommy Wiseau's classic. Strap in for Zandalee, guys.

You ever watch Top Gun and say, "That was great, but what it really needs is to be about 75% shittier, less than 90 minutes long, and featuring slower aircraft?" If so, Fire Birds is the movie for YOU! You wouldn't say that, though, right? It's important that I know you don't ask for things to be actively shittier for no reason. Please tell me privately that you wouldn't do that. I don't know WHAT I'd do with myself if you didn't. Anyway, Nic Cage stars alongside Tommy Lee Jones and Sean Young in the most tepid, turgid movie you're likely to see that's this short.

Did you guys ever watch a really well-funded college project featuring a group of incredibly talented performers and gorgeous set and sound design, yet so completely bereft of watchable, coherent contact? I know I have, and the ones I've seen have also had random topless women and a giant skinned deer god. Art schools, man. That's Industrial Symphony No. 1: The Dream of the Brokenhearted, and more than anything I'm glad I never have to type that whole title for a while. Content warning: Alex talks in detail about his mad toots in the first couple minutes of the episode.

Pour up a mug of damn fine coffee and a slice of cherry pie as we welcome David Lynch Week into our podcasting existence. Through what was almost certainly coincidence, we're here with Nicolas Cage's debut performance for acclaimed surrealist Montanan David Lynch. Alex decides to get real in this episode and admit he's only seen one other David Lynch movie, and that's Dune, and also he had to watch it in two sittings. Also, I guess he was in that one Louie story arc? Either way, he's on this episode instead of Nicolas Cage. No biggie.

Ok, gang. We made a oopsie last week, and we'll own that. To apologize, here's an extra huge episode where we talk about the one, the only, Vampire's Kiss: the movie that in itself comprises 2/3 of all Best Nicolas Cage freakout videos on all of the internet. Even the dark web! Got enough bitcoin, and you can buy yourself an AK-47, some molly, a person, and three Nicolas Cage videos! Man, the dark web is cool. Wait, no it isn't! Also, we talk about the little-known and even littler-seen Time to Kill, the single worst Nicolas Cage movie. Don't go looking for it. You'll waste so much money.