In The Loop With Andy Andrews

On this week’s episode, I answer a listener question on how to turn big powerful thoughts into smaller, concise statements so they can be clearly communicated to others. Before getting into that, we have a quick announcement. There are not a whole whole lot of opportunities for ticketed events to hear me speak. Crossroads Church in Oklahoma City is holding the 2014 Leadership Conference with Jon Acuff, Dr. Mark Rutland, and myself on September 26th, 2014.  We’ve all heard the statements: Average people compare themselves with other people. High achievers compare themselves with their potential. There is a clue in that statement as to what we should be doing to take these big ideas and turn them into little steps. Most of us are so consumed with the little steps that we hope the big thing will manifest itself.  It is a common mistake for people to allow methods to determine their possible results. I urge you to turn this idea on its head. If you want to be clear and concise with those little things and cr

On this week’s episode, I share my perspective on how to talk to your kids when they are being to hard on themselves and falling apart.  As parents, it is crucial that we are vulnerable about our pasts. Some kids need to know another person has experienced the same problems as they have. Obviously we’ve forgotten what being 12 feels like, but we can try to imagine how things are going on in their minds. My son, Adam, is very sensitive and tends to think about things that might not bother his older brother.   His feelings don’t get hurt easily, but he is very aware of what other people are feeling—and he tends to focus on areas where he’s not doing so well.  I encourage you to help your child understand that we are all in the same boat together. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and you can always find someone better than you. Talk to your children about how they act, walk, and talk—and try to instill these habits in their lives. I recently heard a pastor say to the church’s youth, “Sometimes God will

On this week’s episode, I respond to a question about reading biographies to children and my thoughts on fiction. I would read biographies to the boys when they were younger and paraphrase to make it more age-appropriate.      With biographies you can foster an interest in history and good lessons.      Non-Fiction will inform and teach, and I believe it is important to be able to explain why a certain thing will work.  I find it weird when people have a sort of snobbery toward fiction.      When you read fiction, it will ignite your imagination in a way that nonfiction cannot do.      It’s knowledge and imagination that drives the great breakthroughs on our planet.      You need both to create a successful life. You want the kind of fiction that sparks the right kind of imagination.      Be careful what you and your children are reading.      Your imagination is so crucial to making a great living, having awesome relationships, and being a great parent or spouse. The Kid Who Changed the World is a clev

On this week’s episode, I discuss a popular listener question: “What should you provide for your kids, and what should they have to work for?” Some parents have a cut and dry answer for that, but I don’t. My answer changes depending on what’s going on. It’s according to how they are behaving. If I sense a spirit of gratefulness, then there are more things that I will handle for them. A lot of the time it’s not even things they are aware of.  The one thing that can truly stop it in a heartbeat is if I sense a spirit of expectation or a lack of gratefulness. Then it’s a totally different ballgame. There was a time last week that I needed to drive Austin around to several locations for the business he has started.  Something distracting was happening when we got home, and a few minutes later I was aware that Austin had not thanked me for doing that for him. I used this situation to explain to him that as he grew older, life would become more chaotic and there will be more occasions to forget how to act. Peopl

On this week’s episode, I respond to a listener question about handshake etiquette for girls. I don’t think there is a “right” or “wrong,” but I do think there is a “best.” There are a couple of schools of thought here: One is the old-school “debutant” school of thought: Women go to college to find a husband. Everything a woman does should be geared toward a wife and homemaker. I don’t know if there is anything more important than that, but there are definitely other things that may be equally important. With the way our world works today, I don’t think a woman shaking hands should offend anyone. For the most part, professional women shake hands. What looks really strange, though, is when a woman doesn’t know what to do. I’ve taught my boys that there are many people who will not expect a handshake from them because of their age. I see many surprised (and delighted) faces when by boys reach their hands out and say, “nice to meet you” to adults. To a huge degree, how you treat your wife or husband will cr

On this week’s episode, I talk about my special new book, The Perfect Moment, and the peculiar story of how it came to be published:  It all started while I was throwing football with one of my boys. That led to a magical conversation, and it became a story for our friends. I wrote it down, and then it became a story I would tell on stage. We turned it into a free downloadable eBook and then finally Simple Truths said that they would like to publish it in hardcover. (more in the video)  The book offers amazing insights into finding the hidden value of everyday life. There are so many things that we see everyday and don’t notice anymore. Our family has begun to notice the perfect moments that are occurring in our lives. Yours can, too. The end of your book has a “Life Planner” of sorts that will help ensure your next six months are outstanding, noticing and creating more of your own perfect moments. We are very grateful for Mac Anderson and Simple Truths for putting this book out nationwide. I’m absolutely

Before getting into our discussion, I wanted to give a shout-out to my friend Wes Hampton. He and his family were over this past 4th of July weekend and we had a lot of fun grilling and watching the kids play. Wes also has a Kamado Joe (plus his own cookbook), so we had a great cooking discussion. Find Wes on Facebook or head over to WesHampton.com, and you can find his recipes there. This week’s topic comes from a pastor who sometimes works with victims of sexual abuse, and what “accepting responsibility” would look like in this situation. One of the women he works with started reading The Traveler’s Gift and closed the book when she read to accept responsibility for your past. Life is a series of advancing what we understand, or we kind of stop in a certain place and say, “That’s it.” There was a time in most people’s lives when they had not acquired a taste for certain types of food. If I had a chance to talk to her before she read The Traveler’s Gift, I would say, “Read the book with the same mind-set

On this week’s episode, I address the question of how to balance contentment and the things you want in life. There are several things I want to do and want to have. Before anything “goes up on our refrigerator,” so to speak, I see if it fits my criteria… Does this line up with my mission in life? Would it make my mission more vibrant and successful? Can this thing be a tool to help people? We are very joyful whether we get to do something or not. There is an understanding that we don’t need certain things to feel fulfilled. I am very aware of blessings beyond need. We have a house, but I have proven in my life that I only need a pier to sleep under. We have blessings beyond what we need cultivate a grateful spirit. Gratefulness will make you into a content person. In my quiet time, I will examine the things beyond what I need and determine if I should pursue them. Gratefulness is right in the middle of this question. You’ve got to have a grateful spirit and understand that if your needs are met, everyth

On this week’s episode, I talk about the benefits of gardening with your family and answer a listener question on divided families.   We have a little garden of eight blackberry bushes that we planted three years ago. The first year we got a few blackberries. The second year we got a lot of blackberries. This year we couldn’t pick them all at one time.   This is a great thing parents can do with their kids. Get a couple of plants, take your kids in the backyard, dig a hole, pour some potting soil in it, and stick the plant in the yard. This is what families used to do together. We’ll spend an hour just picking berries and talking to each other. Doing this teaches your children about end results.   Planting something is a great metaphor for life. Zig Ziglar talked about planting a bamboo tree and growing it over ten-years. You water and fertilize it for years without seeing results. Then, in that last year, it will have grown 100-feet. So… did it grow 100-feet in one year or ten years?   What can parents

On this week’s episode, I share my thoughts on a listener question about generational advancement.   Reversing generational curses or trends is a huge thing to me, and I’ve spent a great deal of time searching for answers on this topic.   The most important thing I’ve learned on this search comes from studying many other families. I’ve studied families that have been affected by negative generational things. I’ve studied families that have had huge generational success. For people to want to change, you need to prove why a particular way of doing something works. I’ve spent the past two years working on the 100 Year Parenting course to explain just that. It’s basically the long form answer to this question.   It’s all parenting. I’m even talking about business relationships and marriages. The way people deal with things, or come around to a new light of wisdom has a lot to do with how they were raised. It’s easy to realize that we all understand that a child who grows into a 25-year-old adult with exceptio

On this week’s episode, I’m sharing a story I wrote about my dad.   It’s not really a short story since all of it is true. It has been pieced together from things I remember, and stories I have heard from others who knew him. I wanted my boys to have a description of their grandfather in the event that I am not able to give the oral history.   My father had a different method of parenting. He was kind of nut. Not a professional nut like I am, but still a nut. This story takes you though some of the memories that I love, and the funny things that he would say as our church pastor.   Questions for Listeners Do you have a question? Call in and your question might be featured on the show! Phone: 1-800-726-ANDY E-Mail: InTheLoop@AndyAndrews.com    Facebook.com/AndyAndrews Twitter.com/AndyAndrews  

On this week’s episode, I answer a listener question on what it really takes to have a successful marriage. Occasionally you hear people say, “We don’t have any problems. We don’t fight ever.” Anytime I hear that, I always think that somebody is being fooled. I don’t know how two people can exist and not have to work some things out. If you have ever been involved in a long-term friendship, there have been moments that you could have walked away from the friend and never done anything with them again. A marriage is more than just a long-term friendship.  Polly and I have a working marriage. It’s a consistent work in progress. I think we all go through moments where we feel like we can’t stand a person anymore. That’s human nature. The commitment to how things should be has to be larger than a momentary feeling of disagreement. Our first couple of years were the hardest part of our marriage. We got married, and to our horror, found out how different we were from one another. I panicked for a little while.

On this week’s episode, I answer a listener question on thinking and how it inspires action.   Most people believe that their choices determine where they are. In a way they do, but you can’t really control your choices any more than you can control the flip of a coin. Unless you have a process in place for guiding your choices, at best you can hope to make 50% of your choices right. Thinking determines the choices we make, choices determine actions, and actions determine our reputation.   Are there instances in which action inspires different thinking? Yes, if we are looking to learn something. When we are not looking to learn something, our words (or thinking) will overpower our actions. Thinking and action are kind of circularly intertwined.               There is a great paradox between “As a man thinketh, so is he,” and yet we’re still able to choose what we think and how we think.   God feeds the birds, but he doesn’t throw worms in their nest. I realized years ago that I was praying beggar prayer

On this week’s episode, I answer a listener question on which three words I would use to describe myself.   One of them would definitely be searching. In the second decision –“I will seek wisdom”– I thought for a number of years that the most important word was wisdom. The most important word is seek. I’ve become so much more aware of searching because I’ve finally figured out that there is a lot more to the things that I thought I knew. Even if you are an expert in a field, there are always more answers to search out.   The second word is intentional. I don’t live my life according to intention. Intention has no power. To be intentional about what you do means you are heading in a specific direction for a specific reason.   When you are intentional about where you are going to go, then you are able to determine very quickly if what you are doing is moving you closer or further from the result you want.   The third word is really the first one I thought of, and that is grateful. Gratefulness is perspecti

On this week’s episode, I address a listener question on displacing negative thoughts.   You can’t leave your mind blank. When we don’t choose what goes in our minds, our minds fill up with things that point our thoughts in other directions. These directions may affect our choices in ways we would really rather not choose. How many times have we said to ourselves, “what was I thinking?”   Think about this…. If I was to sing, “Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale…” You would immediately think, “A tale of a fateful trip.” But was there really a time that we sat down with a pen a pad and said that we wanted to learn this song? We weren’t choosing anything at that time, but it made its way into our brains and it’s never going away.   There was a movie I saw in high school that totally freaked me out. I don’t even remember why I was there, or who I was with when I saw it. It has been decades since I’ve seen that movie, but I can’t forget the things that I saw. Those images are not doing me any good.  

On this week’s episode, we honor our mothers with an episode not just for Mother’s Day.    A couple of weeks ago the boys found a vine hanging down from a tree. I can remember telling Polly, “They’re fine.” I didn’t say, “You’ll be fine.” Adam was yelling, “It’s perfectly safe!” So as Polly is swinging, the vine cracks and mama fell from the sky. What a great mom these boys have. As crazy as that was…what a great memory.   I say this to friends of mine whose mothers pass away: First, I ask how old they are. For this example, let’s say they are 57. I’ll say, “I know that you’re sad, and there’s never a good time for anyone’s mama to pass away, but I am envious, because you had 57 years with a mama as great as yours and that must have been awesome.”   Make a determined and consistent effort to let your parents, especially your mama, know you love them. Some of the moments when I most admire Polly are when I see flashes of my mother in her. It’s very odd to me that I am now older than my mother was when she

 On this week’s episode I discuss why your family needs a mission statement and how my family created ours.   

I’ve never seen a successful company that didn’t have a mission statement. I found out that a friend of mine, Sandy Stimpson, has a family mission statement for his family. 
     He suggested that we make our own.   

Polly, the boys, and I sat down and decided…
  What is important? Where do we want to go? 
   What is the best? What result are we after? How do we act?   

Over the course of several weeks we formed the mission statement, and it is now framed. We keep it in the front of our house where we can see it all day long. 
     It makes life more intentional for Polly and me, but it is also transforming how our boys think.   Be sure you’re on the AndyAndrews.com email list so you don’t miss the release of our free Family Mission Statement Builder! Go to AndyAndrews.com to sign up.   Questions for Listeners Do you have a question? Call in and your question might be featured on the show!

 On this week’s episode, I answer a listener question about the hardest thing in my life and what I worry about the most.   I think frustration is one of the hardest things in my life. First, I don’t want to come across sounding ungrateful or jealous. I see celebrities on YouTube with millions if not billions of views and I ask, what are they offering that will change your family for the better? Some of my friends like Wes Hampton or Sugarcane Jane are great musicians with a positive message. So how do we get people like this to have influence on millions? It’s frustrating to know that we have the power to change they world, and in ways we still are not.   There was a time when Billy Graham was preaching out of a tent. Two words in a telegram to the newspaper—“Puff Graham”—changed everything. Billy never met the man, William Hurst, who sent the telegram, nor did he know the reason why. Now it’s hard to find someone who hasn’t heard of Billy Graham.   What do I worry about? I don’t really worry about

On this week’s episode, I answer a listener question on self-sabotage and the most important quality in people.   We’ve talked on several other episodes about how the way you think is the foundation for everything. The things we listen to, watch, and read totally affect what we believe. I have come to the conclusion that people cannot achieve beyond what they really believe.   Out of the organizations and companies that I speak for, athletes usually have the hardest time believing this. We test this by having one of them complete a physical feat that is easy for him to do well. I then tell him something has been changed. I don’t actually change anything, but it is very obvious that because he believes something has changed, he is not able to complete the feat the way he did before.   I believe the most important quality a person can have is to be a person other people want to be around. This encompasses… Empathy Intelligence Tact   If you do not focus on becoming a person other people want to be around,

On this week's episode, I talk about the first steps Polly and I took when we found out we were going to be parents. I never expected to do anything like this, but I think this is the most important thing I’ve ever done. 

 15 years ago when Polly sat me down and said “we are going to have a baby,” I was excited…and then broke out in a cold sweat.   I really dug into parenting right from the beginning.
     I wanted to give my wife and I more certainty for this life we were about to guide. 

I believe you can know how to do a certain thing, but… If you don’t know why it works then you’ll always be tempted to move away from it, do it too much, or do it too little. I talk to more people who have issues with their adult children than I do to people who have issues with their kids. 
    
 For a long time I didn’t want to do a parenting course because I’ve taken several courses and read fifty books.
    The thing that got me about the parenting courses was that there was no proof. There were