Wolf 359

Still dealing with fallout from Hera's deactivation, the crew struggles to keep the rapidly deteriorating Hephaestus functional. Overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, and constantly faced with new mechanical problems, Eiffel and Minkowski can't escape the feeling that they are on the verge of a disastrous mistake. But when the Commander thinks up an unconventional, and possibly dangerous, solution, the exhausted pair must decide whether they are willing to take on yet another deadly risk. Plus, "check engine" lights, dizzy spells, Hitchcock antagonists, Dr. Iscariot, and a brain the size of a mack truck. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Still rattled by their recent discoveries, Eiffel and Minkowski try to force Hilbert to reveal what he knows about the Hephaestus's mysteries and the details of his secret mission. But will they find some way to get their prisoner to cooperate with them? Or will their formidable opponent succeed in breaking them apart before they break him? Plus, pet monkeys, bad cop territory, winning personalities, irrational needs, and hammer time.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Unsure of who or what to trust after the events at Christmas, Eiffel and Minkowski make contact with Mr. Cutter, their liaison to Goddard Futuristics and the mission's direct supervisor. But given Hilbert's actions, how wise is it to inform Command about their discovery of the mysterious deep space signal? And how much does Mr. Cutter already know about what is happening on the Hephaestus? Plus, long distance calls, exponential emergencies, showing and telling, extreme prejudice, and Hephaestus Mystery 340.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Part two of two. The repercussions of the crew's discovery and Dr. Hilbert's actions continue to disrupt the station's Christmas plans. Cut off from Minkowski and with limited time to act, Eiffel decides to take a risk. Plus, Smokey Bear Mode, Mr. Kettle, giant fireballs, laughing gas, and crazy plans.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Part one of two. It's Christmas Day on the Hephaestus. While Minkowski does her best to approximate a traditional holiday dinner, Eiffel decides he's going to try to smoke his last cigarette. Both plans are put on hold, however, when Dr. Hilbert stumbles upon a major discovery. Plus, impenetrable darkness, the blunt approach, sanitized pagan rituals, caller ID, and the last of the real turkey. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a set of short stories, we get to see what the Hephaestus crew does when they are by themselves. Doctor Hilbert tells a joke and ponders a question. Hera plays a game. Eiffel takes a test. Minkowski sends a message. Plus, floating on a tin can, magic lamps, disappearing terrarriums, programming loopholes, and the HAL 9000 touch.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Eiffel decides that he wants to step up his game and play a more active role in documenting life on the Hephaestus. His newfound enthusiasm is soon tested when an unscheduled explosion puts a hole in one of the station’s walls and uncovers a mysterious, concealed laboratory on board the spacecraft. As the crew explores the hidden room and uncovers data on its previous occupants, Eiffel is forced to confront one of his fears. Plus, mobile reportage, Charlotte’s lab, the Creepus Maximus, slimy, hairy, and extremely high levels of toxicity.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As the Hephaestus begins a hazardous passage through an ion wind cluster, Eiffel is surprised to discover a message from the mission higher-ups waiting for him in the Communications Room. When the decoded message turns out to be a cryptic and unintelligible warning about something only identified as the “Empty Man”, the crew struggles to pick an appropriate course of action. What is Command trying to tell them? And who, or what, is the “Empty Man”? Plus, designation alpha, crazy wamajama, riders on the storm, flying blind, and going Big Bad Wolf on a straw house. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  In accordance with protocol and the need to maintain crew morale, Minkowski insists on holding another of her infamous talent shows. Both Eiffel and Hilbert come up with schemes to weasel their way out of having to participate, but neither of their plans goes quite as expected. The resulting day is more dangerous, more mysterious, and more musical than either one of them could have ever expected. Plus, eye-less Russian dolls, biochemistry, unnamed megafauna specimen 58, classics of 19th century opera, and homemade ice cream.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Eiffel takes some time from his busy schedule to answer third graders' questions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Minkowski and Hera get into a fight, Eiffel decides to stay out of the way until the dust settles. But the station’s deadly mutant plant monster stowaway somehow gains control of Doctor Hilbert’s mind, and it soon becomes clear that the crew has an emergency on their hands. Can Eiffel and his dubious interpersonal relationship skills patch things up between the Commander and the operating system before something goes disastrously wrong? Plus, Olympic obstinacy, wire-tapping, the peril-o-meter, mustard, and Doug’s Swiss Ass.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Hephaestus Mission reaches its 500th day since launch, and Eiffel is determined to make the most of the occasion. His celebration is cut short, however, when a power outage knocks out Hera and all of the station’s automated systems. The crew must find a way to get the station’s central processor back online, and Eiffel stumbles onto a new mystery in the process. Plus, homemade walkie-talkies, Hammer Horror, dance cards, Stephen King FM, and barreling towards certain death.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A mysterious illness strikes Eiffel, quickly leaving him out of commission and bedridden. It falls on Dr. Hilbert’s medical expertise to find some way to get the Communications Officer back to full health. But as the days go by, Eiffel begins to suspect that something more sinister is afoot and starts to question whether Hilbert is curing the disease or causing it. Plus, medicinal lozenges, morbilliform, the full Nick Riviera, swollen glands, and looking on the bright, sunshiny side.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Eiffel takes a quick trip to the exterior of the Hephaestus in pursuit of a cleaner reading of one of the mysterious space transmissions. Things seem to be going well – until an unexpected stellar flare leaves Eiffel stranded outside of the station. Will Commander Minkowski be willing to launch a dangerous rescue mission to save her communications officer? Plus, air guitar solos, dramatic irony, complimentary electroshock therapy, jetpacks, and the realm of the Alpha and the Omega. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

  The time arrives for another one of Dr. Hilbert’s infamous biannual physical and wellness checks, causing Eiffel and Minkowski to descend into a state of panic. With life and limb on the line, they each find creative ways to delay the inevitable: Eiffel through one of his patented mendacity-filled schemes, Minkowski through a very unusual discovery in the station’s greenhouse. Plus, manual resets, meditations on the effects of sticks and stones, anesthetics, the limits of anesthetics, and spinal fluid samples.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Eiffel discovers that there’s only one tube of toothpaste remaining on board the Hephaestus, he realizes that a delicate situation is upon the crew. His solution? Steal the toothpaste, barricade the door to the comms room, and hope for the best. How far are Commander Minkowski and Doctor Hilbert willing to go to recover the vital hygiene product? Plus, subzero temperatures, unique negotiating tactics, hydrochloric acid, Winston Churchill misquoting, and Peter Sellers playing a Gameboy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Our premiere episode. Officer Doug Eiffel, communications officer on board the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station, is willing to go to any lengths to procrastinate his work. Tasked with a pointless hunt for alien intelligence, Eiffel would much rather spend his time complaining about the station’s malfunctioning autopilot system and making sure his stash of contraband cigarettes doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. But when his instruments start picking up a mysterious radio signal from an unidentified source, Eiffel begins to wonder if someone - or something – could be trying to communicate with the Hephaestus. Plus, explosions, dangerous experiments, non-destructive hair driers, handy-dandy tips for surviving in outer space, and creative interpretations for the word coffee. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices