Thrift Store Vinyl Hour

We fear negative numbers & will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Pumpkins sit on porches because they have no hands to knock on the door.

If you drop ice cubes on the kitchen floor, just kick them away. Soon they'll be water under the fridge.

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

If at first you don't succeed, call it Version 1.0

I want to know Edward Scissorhands' take on the latest touchscreen technology.

This weekend's fly-fishing tournament is being live-streamed.

Survival is a challenge. Thank God my watch keeps telling me to 'take a minute to breath.'

I'm ordering new door signs, if anybody wants 'In'

Never discuss the number 288. It's two gross.

Not saying there's another wave of sickness coming, but we just lost a skid of toilet paper.

A new study finds the searing heat at sports stadiums is due to a lack of fans.

Wait, that duck didn't pay for his Chapstick. He just said, "Put it on my bill."

We don't leave our business cards out on the counter anymore. We found people were just taking them.

Maybe we wouldn't have a coin shortage if wheat pennies were still made from copper.

It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.

I wanted to marry my grammar coach when she got out of jail, but apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.