Shut Up A Second

In which our heroes grab their swords and boards, don full plate amour and eat an orange as they discuss dragons. We wonder what a Chinese Dragon would taste like, obtain our own hoards from small town folk and Bed, Bath and Beyond, try to work out the difference between a dragon and a wyrm and integrate Muppets as much as possible. Jackson gets angry about intelligent dragons, Zammit gets angry at the lack of idiot dragons and Alli just gets angry. So join the gang as they do almost anything under the sun with dragons bar slay them. It’s a magical adventure to the land of make believe where dragons roam the earth and Matthew McConaughey will save us all. Want to help employment opportunities for dragons? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in integrating dragons into your office. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least nin

In which our heroes find places to hide, brace for impact and ride it out as they discuss earthquakes. We discuss the benefits of government mandated free wizards in disaster relief, wonder why Poseidon has horses in his repertoire of things under his domain and see which movie would be enhanced with a surprise earthquake. Jackson doesn’t think he would survive an earthquake in any situation, Zoe prefers to focus on the moon because earthquakes are too sad and Alli just wants to follow squirrels to safety. So join the gang as they make earth shaking revelations, not just about earthquakes, but about themselves. Although it’s pretty low on the richter scale. Want to help world governments improve their relief packages? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in companion lizards getting the recognition they deserve. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRad

In which our heroes boil the kettle, brew, infuse and sip on a good ol’ cuppa joe and discuss hot beverages. We question why pineapple doughnuts even came to be, how incompetent the emperors of history are, and how sassy coffee really is. Jackson can’t tell the difference between teas, Duscher gets amped up by people spilling hot coffee on their dicks and Alli just cannot deal with getting betrayed by her hot beverage of choice. So join the gang as they turn hot water into something barely stomachable. It’s perfect with a book on a rainy day, curled up in front of a fireplace until you get up and knock everything over. Now you’re just damp and mildly scolded. Want to help Duscher’s crusade against movie dick burning comedy? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in saving all those burnt wangs. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably a

In which our heroes forget to pack sunscreen, drink too much sea water, misspell HELP with pieces of driftwood and discuss desert islands. We try to figure out the best celebrity to hate-share an island with, create a list of island rules and spend a decent chunk of time trying to avoid being killed by the dangerous island tiger. Jackson mourns the fact that his hair is not island strong, Tessa envisions herself as sexy mermaid covered in mud and Marley just wants her Stephen Hawking based guilt to go away. So join the gang as they try not to lose their minds and start talking to a volleyball with a bloodied handprint for a face. It’s a rollicking good time until we run out of food and ponder cannibalism. Want to help us mount a rescue mission? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us forcibly remove the gang away from their island home. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/Sanspan

In which our heroes under go a metamorphosis to become even more handsomer, burrow through several layers of dirt, and collect leaf litter to make a tiny house as we discuss bugs. We discuss the beginnings of a serial killer, confuse some bugs with some other bugs, and call out worms for their heart greed. Jackson is a weevil-fanatic, Alli is mad at her cat for not taking care of the bug problem, and James just wants everyone to shut up a second. So join the gang as they shed their exoskeleton, get all creepy and crawly while they arm themselves with a good cricket bat. It’s an experience. Want to help hermit crabs become a common household pet? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in domesticated animals. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least three-hundred and forty-eight books about the differences between bugs and spide

In which our heroes get their strings cut, remove the hand from out of their butt, and speak for themselves as we discuss puppets. We end up in a giant man made sock puppet outfit, debate the potential benefit of being a ventriloquist dummy when it comes to walnuts and why certain puppets are just terrifying. Jackson jumps in way too fast and way too quickly, Tessa informs us about a very special Supreme Court appearance by a muppet and special guest Josh just wants to know when a puppet is a puppet and when it’s just a man in a suit. So join the gang on this sunny day, sweepin’ the clouds away as they ask how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. Want to help fund Miss Piggy's and Kermit's marriage counselling? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in their clearly abusive relationship. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least

In which our heroes put on a bloody apron, head to the nearest abattoir and hack up a carcass as they discuss meat. We discuss the titles of our new albums, the employment of skeletons, and all the different kind of things you can sausage. Jackson’s world crumbles around him instantaneously, Tessa once again ends up imprisoned, and Duscher just wants zoning permission to build his beef shithouse. So hop aboard the midnight meat-train, choose your favourite bit of cow, chicken, lamb or goat, chuck in on the barbie and enjoy that sweet sizzle. Want to help Duscher get that zoning permit? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in making that baby boy’s dream become a reality. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least seventeen books about the merit of beef as construction material.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and op

In which our heroes drink some holy water, eat a clove of garlic and try to stab themselves in the heart as they discuss vampires. We look at the dangers of drinking 80s blood, examine the difference between sheep and vampires, and express our appreciation for Robert Pattison. Jackson wishes he was a caveman vampire, Zoe gets XXX and Blade confused, and Duscher just wants to share his simple method of categorising animals. So join the gang as they try to avoid the sun, work hard to get their vampire brides and get invited into your house. Vampires are clearly a nighttime monster. Want to help the gang track down a real vampire? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in keeping them busy. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least forty-three books about categorising animals, plants and things by the tried and true Joel Duscher ni

In which our heroes put on their scrubs, sharpen their scalpels, try not to gag at the sight of blood and discuss surgery. We tell the story of Face-Off, bond over terrifying experiences of waking up during surgery and inevitably talk far too much about Robocop. Zammit ponders a life-swap with Billy Joel, Zoe finds herself pressured to join the Joel club, despite her dream of being married to Kanye and Duscher just wants to swap faces with Zammit so they can keep their names. So join the gang as they try to use medical science to improve their lives, no matter how little the payoff. It’s bloody, cutting edge and bound to require stitches. Want to help Zoe recreate Face-Off with Kim Kardashian? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the amount of fake tan we can afford. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixty-eight boo

In which our heroes get caught in a web, become trapped like flies and struggle to break free as we discuss the terrifying creepy crawly that is spiders. We try to imagine eating spiders, wonder where a goat would expel silk, and sympathise with the people forced to deal with ghost trees. Jackson misremembers something he once heard about frogs, Tessa wonders how thick web really is, and Zoe just wants nothing to do with spiders ever. So look out for decoy spiders, high five your local huntsman, and try not to get bit by a whitetail, after all, the optimal amount of legs is two or four. Not eight. Eight is gross. Want to help spider-proof the studio? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help keep our headphones web-free. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eleven books about becoming a spiderman.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and

In which our heroes are made an offer they can’t refuse, get fitted for their concrete boots and end up sleeping with the fishes as they discuss Crime Part II: The Mafia. We wonder what the correct procedure is for waking up next to a horse’s head, ask if Danny Deckchair has any boob in it and recount the time one of us almost ended up working for the mafia. Tessa wants to know where she can sign up, Jackson surmises that he would get the man who vouched for him instantly murdered, and special guest Brendan McCallum just wants to be a driver. So join the gang as they officially become made men, inevitable have to whack a guy and try their hardest to not rat on each other because snitches get stitches. Want to help hire body guards for Jackson? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help save this man’s life when Sugar Station eventually tracks him down. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.

In which our heroes slam a shot of tequila, baste a chicken and make a sour juice all while avoiding scurvy as we discuss lemons, and in turn, lemonade. We discuss terrifying hypotheticals involving replacing body parts with lemons, practice painting our backwards letters for a lemonade stand sign and end up comparing different types of fruits. Jackson stands his ground as a lemon and grapefruit juice enthusiast, Tessa has a limited threshold for citrus outside of tequila shots and Zoe just wants to rage against pandas for being useless and not nearly as useful as a mandarin. So join the gang as they forget to add sugar, get cursed by a gypsy and leave everyone with lemon-mouth. Want to help us start a lemonade stand on Brunswick Street? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the quality of an ice cold beverage on a hot day. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com

In which our heroes remove their skin, polish their bones, and make their best creaking sounds as we discuss skeletons. We discover the downsides of having no body or connective tissue, attempt to turn ribcages into musical instruments, and question the genuine spookiness of your garden variety skelly. Jackson confuses human anatomy with sport, Marley has the strongest legs of all time and Duscher just wants to find all the coins and frozen peas under the fridge. So join the gang as they delve skull first into the world of blood and bones, hassle the dead, and try and get a handle on that one thing inside all of us. Our skeleton. It’s our skeleton. Want to help tell Hollywood how to improve skeletons? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in making bones spikey. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixteen books about gett

In which our heroes go bananas, become the apple of everyone’s eye and get their melons out as we discuss fruit. We learn how strawberries are racist, that Donald Glover is the human embodiment of grapes, the true origin of the word orange and the curious relationship Romans had with tomatoes. Duscher finds a new, exciting use for baby corn, Tessa can’t choose which is the most superior of fruits and Jackson just wants to watch banana crops burn. So join the gang as they get good and juicy and find a world of new possibilities for fruit other than eating. It’s a fruit salad of a good time. Want to help find the missing banana? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference worldwide banana appreciation. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least forty-eight books arguing what a tomato is.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and

In which our heroes slither along the ground on their bellies, get milked for anti-venom, swallow mice whole and digest them over the next few days as we discuss snakes. We ask who would win in a fight between a tiger snake, a tiger shark and a tiger tiger, the benefits of using vomit as a defence tactic, and how to screw over a government with snakes. Marley keeps up a healthy hatred of snakes, Tess wants a tail to flirt with and Zammit just wants to wrassle these legless lizards. So join the gang as they coil up in a corner, strike at anything that moves and shed their skin while trying to become a handbag and matching shoes. It’s venomously amusing. Want to help Marley on her mission to educate the world on the true side of snakes? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in making sure no one likes them. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’

In which our heroes put on their finest frocks, adjust their sparkly tiaras, wait to be rescued by a dashing prince and discuss the majestic world of princesses. We look at what it takes to be considered a true Disney princess, whether Belle has it better with Prince Adam in man or beast form, and what happens when a princess eventually becomes a queen. Jackson laments the fact that he will most likely never be invited to a ball, Marley contemplates the royal dinner menu and Tessa just wants to channel her own Sleeping Beauty and catch a few z’s. So join the gang as they try to keep both their shoes on, avoid solving their own problems by hiring a butler and try to survive high school while learning to rule a kingdom. It’s a royal engagement you won’t want to miss! Want to help Jackson attend a royal ball? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our baby boy prince’s life! And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a

In which our heroes get slathered in chocolate, burn their mouths biting into a hot jam donut, and get a brain freeze from eating too much ice-cream as we discuss desserts. We take death by chocolate a little too literal, look into the history of Baby Cop’s Sugar Squad and try to figure out why anyone would build a house made out of gingerbread. Jackson wants to know what the worst dessert related death would be, Tessa is confused by the rules of Chubby Bubby’ and Duscher just wants to know who let Baby Cop into the crime scene in the first place. So join the gang as they bust out the ice-cream scoops, bake some cupcakes and try their hand at jelly moulding. It’s sickly sweet and surprisingly delicious. Want to help us create the pilot of NCIS: Sugar Squad? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in solving dessert related crimes. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.co

In which our heroes imitate airborne cattle, consult their weather forecasts, run for cover and discuss the spinning menaces that are tornadoes. We discuss the utterly terrifying firenado, argue about the differences between hurricanes and cyclones, and contemplate the best place to hide when things get a little windy. Zammit wants to avoid danger at all costs, Zoe wants to experience a tornado from the inside and Jackson just wants to know if anyone else has heard of a willy-willy. So join the gang as try their damnedest to keep their feet on the ground. It’s a whirlwind of emotions as we go from scared to downright petrified. Want to help Zoe create a tornado-proof Zorb ball? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in an amateur storm-chaser’s life. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least seven books about ways to pass the tim

In which our heroes don their armour, access the nuclear strike codes, smear black greasepaint all over their faces and prepare to go to war. We examine decapitations of enemies, the motivation to create insect and arachnid destroying shoe-guns and ponder the ideal soundtrack for killing folk. Tessa asks what everyone would declare war on, Marley finds an enemy in her co-host and Zammit just wants the evil reign of pasta to be stopped, disastrous consequences be damned. So join the gang as they align themselves with their various causes, change their minds and try not to blow up the whole studio in the process. It’s chaos and you can bet there will be casualties. Want to help us build a bomb shelter? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the quality of our protective gear. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least six book a

In which our heroes get rowdy, row a few longboats and then attempt to pillage every town in sight while we discuss vikings. We try to figure out the best way to raze a village, discuss the logistics of a suicide pact to sneak into Valhalla and then inevitably just go back to killing horses. Jackson attempts to cripple himself so he can enjoy non-stop feasts, Tessa re-discovers the long lost Viking proverb; ‘eat, sleep, rave, repeat’ and Marley just wants to have the best hair ever. So join the gang as they attempt to appease the Blood God for their own personal gain and be as metal as humanly possible. Make sure you’re prepared for battle or you too may end up like Ivan the Boneless, you know, lacking your bones and stuff. Want to help Jackson lose both his legs without seeing a single battle? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in him enjoying an eternal feast. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day fre