Simply Abundant Intuitive

Do you choose love, or are you waiting to be chosen? Maybe you believe love has forgotten about you, or it’s reserved for other, more “deserving” people. Instead of opening yourself up to it, you ruminate on what you don’t have, believing you’re being punished by some mysterious force. That, my friends, is playing the love victim. Love is actually a choice, but to get there, you have to see how your actions are working against you to create what you don’t want. Shame around being single, negative beliefs that say you’re not good enough and fear of abandonment all contribute to feeling like love isn’t available to you. And when that’s what you believe, you’ll pick partners who support that belief; it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. In this week’s podcast I’ll challenge you to look at your situation as an observer to zero in on what you’re choosing to create. Yes, CHOOSING. Having love starts with owning your choices and deciding to make new ones. If everything is a choice, why not choose love?

Gina DeVee is a published author, speaker, podcast host, business coach and self-made multimillionaire who built the women’s empowerment and lifestyle brand, Divine Living. But she started out as a broke, struggling, co-dependent psychotherapist who made $2,000 month working 75 hours/week and living with her parents. Gina grew up in the Detroit suburbs where money was scarce, so everything was “expensive.” If you wanted more money, you had to work harder. So that’s what she did… until she burned out and realized she had some internal issues to deal with, like her warped relationship with money and her desperate need to be loved and accepted by others. Listen in as Gina shares how she turned her wish, her hope and her dream of living a bigger life into reality while staying true to who she is. There were mentors, vision boards, serendipitous moments and leaps of faith along the way, plus a $3,000 investment in herself that changed everything. In 2021 her business went through a radical transformation that she

Did you grow up with a narcissistic mom? Her behavior may have been unpredictable, and you never knew what was going to set her off. She might have been manipulative, always looking for your validation and sympathy. Whether she was a malignant narcissist or a covert narcissist, her actions shaped your current behavior and your relationship insecurity. Her criticism and inconsistency made you afraid of emotional intimacy. In many ways, she created your first codependent relationship. The good news is that, even though your mom instilled these behaviors in you from a young age, you can still change this cycle of insecure attachment. Listen to today’s episode to learn how your mom’s narcissism affects your current relationships and how you can finally end the fear and insecurity you feel. Want to submit your question for Tracy's FB Live? Click here: bit.ly/2sQ4sJT and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9am PST. Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment

While we may be aware of our distrust of love, we often identify our fears as negative (i.e. rejection or abandonment). But often it’s fear of positive emotions—more specifically intimacy—that keeps love elusive. Those of us who fear intimacy actually want it quite badly, but feel we don’t deserve it because our negative beliefs are always running in the background. We pick “safe” partners who don’t require vulnerability, enabling us to hide. Avoidance of intimacy usually goes back to childhood, when we felt an inconsistency of emotional care. Maybe we experienced rejection, neglect or emotional pain, causing us to shut down. We learned NOT to rely on others for connections because it was perceived as unsafe. Then as adults we tend to create a push/pull effect, pushing our partner away or hiding from their affection, but then pulling them closer if we fear them leaving. We try to make ourselves less lovable, withholding our desirable qualities, in an effort to create distance because deep down we’re afraid o

“I attract avoidants” has almost become a mantra for anxious pursuers who are convinced they are only attracted to people who shun them. They believe relationships require a lot of effort, thus feeling a deeper connection to partners who reject them. If it comes easy, something must be wrong. This anxious pursuer is always focused on their partner, pushing, pulling and waiting for that “wake-up” moment that never comes. Let’s say you start dating someone who checks a lot of your boxes, but they rarely contact you so you do all the work. You create excuses to contact them, enticing them with sex or whatever carrot you think will prove irresistible. You live in the fantasy of feeling close to them, making the reality of rejection both painful and comfortable. The irony is that if they DO get close to you, you’ll distance yourself. This push/pull dance is a pattern, with fear of abandonment at its core. To break it you need to connect where it hurts, accessing those deep feelings you avoid like the plague. Inst

Complainers are addicted to feeling bad. Those who constantly compare themselves to others, believing everyone else is better off, are addicted to feeling bad. People who host weekly pity parties about everything that sucks in their lives are addicted to feeling bad. So why would you choose this over feeling good? Because it’s easier. It allows you to avoid your fears, blame the universe for your problems and not do anything differently. Choosing to feel bad let’s you off the hook so you don’t have to make changes (that’s the benefit). But it also keeps you stuck in a personal prison where everything remains frustratingly the same. You want your life to change, but you can’t see what you do to hold yourself in this “feeling bad” state. To do things differently is too scary, so you don’t do it. But that’s the path to feeling good: going through those fear walls and making things happen. The longer you stay victimized by your own thoughts and stories, judging your life by the outside, the longer you stay in yo

Do you say to yourself (or others) that you are the prize, and your partner is lucky to have you? And do you actually believe it, or is it just false bravado? Maybe you overcompensate for your true feelings that you don’t measure up by working hard to “be the prize.” Or you go the other direction and withdraw because deep down you not only believe you’re NOT the prize… you feel completely worthless. Whichever road you take, you’re causing drama and sabotaging your relationships. In this week’s podcast we explore what’s behind this diminished sense of value and how to build yourself up so you feel worthy and deserving of love. It starts with unraveling your shame and self-judgment, then feeling it instead of minimizing it (yep, you’ve gotta there). I’ll walk you through a few steps to get you started. Shame is a tough emotion to allow, but you are more resilient than you think. And it’s worth this deep work because once you start believing you really are a gem, you’ll attract someone who believes it to.

Sarah Merrill is the woman behind “Big Kid Problems,” a wildly popular Twitter, Instagram, blog and podcast about the daily struggles growing up and navigating the adult world. But, like many of us, this was not where Sarah expected to end up. The only thing she knew she wanted to do after graduating from college was leave Florida, which never felt like it fit. So off to New York she went, living on her friend’s couch, eating Cup O Noodles and dating so she could take a break from ramen! It was during this time of struggle that she started sharing her thoughts and experiences on Twitter in short, witty quips under the handle @BigKidProblems. “Nobody knows what they’re doing at any given time.” –Sarah Merrill Listen in on my conversation with Sarah as she shares her journey from broke and directionless to a comedic powerhouse who has been on the Steve Harvey show three times. What started as a hobby has become her full-time career, and it keeps expanding. A collection of her original jokes were published by

Many of us associate pain with love. We may not consciously think so, but it’s beneath the surface of our desire for love and all its glory in our lives. We don't realize we actually bring pain into our relationships (because it’s what we've known). We don’t see it as a choice, but self-awareness can set you free. If you're an avoidant like me, it can keep you detached from relationships, in search of something that does not exist in the form of the perfect feeling (like you’ve imagined for years). It keeps you looking for that perfect feeling that will ensure safety outside of yourself because you don’t feel it inside. The mixture of pain and lack of safety keeps you from focusing on what you actually feel beneath the surface-level emotions, and believing something outside of you is the current cause for your pain. Your words will not match your desires when you are taking action from the belief that love is painful. You create this in your relationships, usually with someone who is matching you at the level

Are you holding yourself back from receiving the love you want and being your badass self? Or does your need for control and “giving to get” keep you stuck in the same paradigm? Let’s be clear: a badass is not someone who struts around, pretending they don’t need anyone. That’s a victim wearing a suit of emotional armor. A badass when it comes to love is open-hearted, trusting, courageous and vulnerable. A badass takes care of their own emotional wellbeing, and when they’re in a situation where someone doesn’t respect them or their boundaries… a badass removes themself from that situation. A badass is the REAL you. So how do you stop people pleasing and playing the role of the “good” partner in order to be comfortable as your badass self so you can receive love freely? First, look at what you say you want, and how your actions work against it. If you’re not sure what you want, tune in to today’s episode for a writing exercise that will help you identify your disconnects and help you uncover the motivation be

Do you know what impostor syndrome is? Perhaps you’re familiar with it in your professional life, it means the fear of being found out for being fake or phony. The you which you present isn’t really who you are or you feel others will not think it is who you are. For me, I always waited for people to find out I was a bad person, even though nothing about me is…it’s what I dreaded, personally and professionally. So, for those of you who have that feeling, guess what? It’s related to insecure attachment. Whether it’s in your career or your relationships, you never feel deserving of the love or praise you’re given and you worry about FIFO (Fear I’m Found Out). Despite working harder than anyone else to prove you’re worthy, it’s never enough. You’re a perfectionist, but nothing you do or say ever feels “perfect.” These feelings, like insecure attachment, stem back to the conditioning you received as a child. The good news is that impostor syndrome is a story you keep telling, a facade you can take down. In this

Are you stuck in an anxious-avoidant loop? No matter how much you “think” you want a relationship, you find excuses not to date or in a relationship, you look for problems with your partner. Oh wait! There’s more. You may find yourself dating, which you do trepidatiously, and voila there’s chemistry. You feel the pangs of anxiety and know you’ll be hooked by dinnertime. Whether you are the pursuer or the runner, each position for the anxious avoidant is all about emotional distance, even if on the outside it looks like you’re physically there. Fear has been there for years, but you might think it is normal—the way you’ve always felt. Trying to grasp control, you are used to strategies, so you do not become engulfed or stuck or available. Sometimes you believe it is really the other person, but the truth is you are the common denominator in your love life. And its good news! Because you can do something about it! This loop of avoidant behavior stems from your subconscious belief system. To make a change, you

Karen Fagan struggled with insecurity, as many young women do, so when she was 13 years old she looked for a book on self-confidence. That led to 10 full years of reading about the subject… which unfortunately didn’t work. She hadn’t cracked the confidence code. Then life presented her with two pivotal moments where she was confronted with a question: Who did she want to be? Karen’s answer was simple. She wanted to be a confident, empowered woman, so she committed to it and started acting from that place. “Obstacles really are an opportunity—an invitation—for who we want to become.” –Karen Fagan Join me for a powerful conversation with Karen where she talks about the note her husband left the day he packed up his stuff and walked out… and the gift he gave her three months later when she found out why. When we’re afraid, Karen says we want to opt out. That’s the default. But if you use that fear to pull yourself forward instead, you can become the person you were born to be. As a teenager Karen felt crappy a

Some of us people please to be liked or because we feel obligated. The problem with placing ourselves in this position is that it's not genuine giving, and it makes us feel disconnected from ourselves. We are trying to control instead of being who we are. We believe we can control how others perceive us, and create an image that we feel is acceptable, but doing so places ourselves in a prison of limitation by not being true to ourselves. Not only is people-pleasing a form of lying, it doesn't actually work. All that effort for no pay off. Only frustration, resentment and non-fulfillment. If we really saw ourselves through the eyes of others, we would have a mixed bag... and then what would we do? Be a chameleon? Better to turn inward and go with who we really are and what we want to do.

Settling, and the fear of missing out, is a reflection of not feeling good enough as you are right now. When you search for perfection—or even just better than you have—you’re looking for something that doesn’t exist. Many people who are attached struggle with this “not good enough” belief, driving them to sabotage their relationships and create obstacles to happiness. If you second guess your relationship whenever your partner tries to get close to you, listen in. In this week’s podcast I’ll share the secret to feeling enough so you stop freaking out about settling. It starts with two questions to ask yourself each morning. Do this consistently and you’ll start building your sense of value. Because the thing is, when you chase that greener grass, you bring yourself (and your belief of not being good enough) with you. Then the fear of settling starts all over again. Let’s break that cycle, shall we?

You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely. Loneliness is a sense of internal isolation which serves as protection. Instead of opening up and sharing your feelings, you retreat because it feels safer. This not only disconnects you from others, but also from yourself. True connection requires vulnerability, which is uncomfortable and the last thing you want to do. You probably feel something is wrong with you, so you put a lot of energy into pretending you’re ok. You wear your “party face,” but feel detached because you have abandoned yourself. No one would suspect you’re lonely because you do such a good job of hiding it, which isolates you even more. Let’s say you threw a party over the holidays and 20 people came, but you felt lonely and disconnected the whole time. The thought of interacting felt draining because you would have to pretend to enjoy yourself. As you watched others chit chat, you felt even more distance between you and them. You started to wonder why everyone else could have a good time, but

There are so many ways we don’t love and value ourselves—in work, relationships, etc. A lot of us don’t even know what it MEANS to love ourselves because there is no functional knowledge of what a healthy relationship is. We may think we know, but it’s usually based on unrealistic expectations. Our partners are actually a mirror for us; we attract people exactly where we are as far as emotional health and availability. If we’re closed off and look for someone who is more open, thinking they can help US be more open, we won’t find them because that’s not what we’ll attract. In order to attract and receive love, you need to have love for yourself. The focus needs to be you, not the other person. There are many ways to look at self-love, but when it comes to attached relationships, the best place to start is by dispelling the fantasy and looking at reality. Look at your choices and why you make them. Look at how you hold other people responsible for your emotions. See others for who they are, not for who you wa

Mike Zeller is a serial entrepreneur. But when three of his businesses EACH lost more than $100,000 in a single year, he knew he needed to recalibrate and refocus. “Your setbacks are your setups to prepare you for your comeback.” –Mike Zeller Growing up, Mike learned the value of hard work from his immigrant father, so ambition always propelled him forward. Partway through college he became a Christian, which led him to pursue a Master’s in Christian Leadership. His first entrepreneurial pursuit followed: starting churches in Nashville targeted to musicians and creatives. The path ahead looked clear until he was turned down for a church job. That’s when an internal whisper led him toward new adventures. Mike has started several businesses including a car dealership, real estate firm, co-working space, fashion line, marketing agency, and mastermind/coaching. In 2018, things started falling apart; he lost a lot of money and closed most of his businesses. But this dark period of transition led to a lot of lea

Early childhood is where avoidant seeds take root. If you fall into this category of insecurely attached Avoidants, you probably developed a pseudo-independent identity, going to great lengths to prove you could take care of yourself. You acted like a little adult, holding yourself to pretty strict standards. This self-sufficiency carried over into actual adulthood where you had little or no desire to seek help and support from others. “I’m fine,” you’d say, when you were anything but. This self-containment becomes threatened inside intimate relationships. We avoid vulnerability because revealing our true selves may lead to rejection or abandonment. This results in not fully committing; we keep one foot out so we can focus on other distractions. Or we avoid relationships altogether, coping with our repressed emotions and asserting our “independence” by resisting vulnerability and intimacy. But then attachment needs kick in, activating anxiety over the fact we’re alone. What a painful pattern to live in, righ

Self-responsibility and self-care are critical to increasing your value. What is self-responsibility? Being responsible for ALL of your words, actions, choices and reactions. People often want to blame outside events and other people, but that makes you a victim. To be valued is to be fulfilled… to be your own best friend. If you take responsibility for yourself, you have power and authority in your life, which means you have value. Other people cannot give you lasting value, only you can by treating yourself with care. Self-care is about taking care of yourself emotionally instead of looking for someone else to do it. It is about healing what ails you. If you blame your partner for breaking up with you, that speaks to a lack of responsibility. It takes two to tango, so pointing the finger at him/her for all the problems in your relationship is a powerless position. How did you contribute? What can you own up to? You always play a role in how relationships unfold. When you feel the bottom falling out of any