How Rude! The Full House Podcast

Johnny Kyle Cook is a fan of John Stamos' plump ass, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't top Danny Tanner in a heartbeat. Join him and your ever reliable co-hosts as they dive into "Ol' Brown Eyes", in which Danny is determined to hijack DJ's fundraiser just so he can prove he's super duper cool. Doesn't Danny understand DJ's school needs to buy a new COM-PEW-TER? Danny, you fool! Did we mention Michelle understands the concept of petty vengeance? She understands the concept of petty vengeance now. Also on the docket: Old school computer games, "homo" music, and the high concept behind 'Tiny Toon Adventures'. Strap in and get ready for that plump ass because it is a beautiful, plump ass. Split that peach! XOXO

Matt Mayerle doesn't think people would pay to have their music constantly interrupted. Brandon thinks otherwise. Jon is going to make a lot of money with Flip Foam. None of them had fun watching "Working Girl", in which DJ gets a job as some creep's Happy Helper just so she can get a pair of Blowouts. Unfortunately, her grades suffer as a result, and Kimmy's penchant for garbage forgeries isn't helping the situation. But that's not all! You're gonna get some prime Pizza Tower stories and the Gibbler Guarantee, so sit your sweet booty down and relax, kiddo. XOXO

Lou Leonardo related to this week's episode of 'Full House' in a way he could have never expected, and the story he tells is truly one for the ages. Join us we discuss "Happy New Year", in which poor Joey is pressured to find a date and winds up "falling in love" with the first woman who happens to enjoy rollerblading. We were running on a low laptop charge this time around, so unfortunately the episode does wrap up pretty quickly. That said, we did discuss Lou's catch phrases after recording, and they were "Yahtzee!" and "At the end of the day ..." The former was from childhood and inspired by Lou's fun-loving Italian Uncle, and the latter is an adult's way of sorting through the bullshit so as to focus on what's important. You may have troubles, you may have woes, but at the end of the day, whaddya got? Ya got great friends like Lou! This is a fantastic episode. This is a fantastic podcast! Give a us a five star review, won't you? Happy New Year 1991! XOXO

Steven King has portrayed Jesus, lorded over his own Mother, and found himself in one of Hollywood's seedier corners after a particularly disastrous taping of 'Deal or No Deal'. We're gonna unpack all of that but today's main objective is a calm, rational discussion of "Danny in Charge", in which the Tanner patriarch totally drops the ball while Joey and Jesse are off fucking animals somewhere in the woods. It's a mash-up of forgettable plots that had us longing for the creative risks of "Secret Admirer", if that tells you anything. Thank you, Steven, for being our Rude Dude for the week, and may the Lord bless and keep you! XOXO

Molly Jones may be a little confused as to the chronology of the Austin Powers films but that doesn't mean we love her any less! Molly is a wonder and we were so happy to have her in the studio for this, a stirring discussion of 'Secret Admirer'. Rusty is back and he's determined to destroy the Tanner clan, this time by way of sexual confusion. But what Rusty could never predict ... is that he could fall in love in the process. Oh love, how you play with our minds! We shall learn all about Molly's lifetime infatuation with backwards caps and why Comet loves hamburgers, so kick back and relax, mate. It's time to start the show! P.S. NO AUDIO ISSUES! Oh God, I can breathe again. You have no idea how badly that was driving me (Jon) up a wall. Love you! XOXO

Chris Johnson is an adorable Gooby who has enough catch phrases to fill a large sack. He's simply the best! Join us as we wade through the muck and mire that is "Terror in Tanner Town", a bracing look at one little boy's descent into madness. Rusty isn't here for your comedy or your pot roast or your basic as fuck love. Rusty knows what makes this world move and it's chaos, baby. Pure, unbridled chaos. We'll also learn why a magic cat who controls the cast with marionette strings would make for a better viewing experience, as well as Brandon's history with the Playmobil corporation. Strap in and hold on to your hats because this shit is gonna get fantastic! XOXO

FAIR WARNING: The audio for this podcast includes a large amount of crackle, due to us possibly picking up some random feedback while recording. On the plus side, it has been filtered through GarageBand's Cool Jazz Combo setting, so said crackle isn't nearly as distracting as it was upon first detection.  Our second marathon session means the return of a beloved Rude Dude and this time around it's none other than Kristin Ramsey! Kristin may have pulled a muscle in her back but she was bound and determined to watch three crummy episodes of 'Full House' for your amusement. Those three episodes: Viva Las Vegas (in which Joey opens for Wayne Newton), Shape Up (in which DJ stops eating for three days), and One Last Kiss (in which Jesse cheats on Becky). You ready for it? You ready for Party Teddy? Let's go! XOXO

SPOILER ALERT: 'Full House! The Musical Parody!' is a Goddamn delight, stuffed to the gills with deep cut references to the sitcom's history and enough raunchy material to make Jon blush (and that is certainly saying something). Hilarious performances, straight up show stopping numbers, what's not to love? Check out our group interview with co-writer and co-director Bob McSmith; Seth Blum; Marie Eife, and Meg Halcovage to find out more about their experience with the show. They're an amazing group of people and you don't wanna miss out on this, trust. Get your tickets today by visiting fullhousethemusical.com and nab a free pair of sunglasses from Matt at the merchandise table by using #FullHousetheMusical on social media. The show runs through Saturday, December 19 (keep your fingers crossed for an extension), so make plans to see it today! We're not just saying this because we got free T-shirts, either. I mean, yes, we got free T-shirts, and the T-shirts are great, but the T-shirts didn't alter our percepti

You may think you've consumed all of your Halloween confectionary but look again! Peer into your spooky plastic pumpkin and I'm sure you'll find this, a delicious bit of podcasting for your oh so hungry ears. It's a supplemental episode this time around, which means your hosts are on their tummies once more to bring you their thoughts on an early John Stamos credit. 'Never Too Young to Die' is a fevered mash-up of the James Bond and Mad Max aesthetics, which means it makes little to no sense and features some of the worst music you're likely to find. That said, it does star Gene Simmons as a "bizarre" villain along with a thoroughly bummed George Lazenby, so there's definitely a few worthwhile elements. Wanna hear about Brandon's bachelor lifestyle? Wanna hear Jon's audition for the role of Ragnar in the forthcoming stage production of NTYTD? Then stop munching on those chocolate leftovers and start consuming a real treat!

Peter Kim is disgusted by parents who kiss their children on the mouth and that is just one of the many reasons why he fits right in with the Rude Dude crowd. Peter is on hand to help us dissect "A Pinch for a Pinch", in which Jesse's Mutually Assured Destruction theory of parenting leads to Michelle discovering a lust for petty violence. You cut me? I cut you. Two go in. NONE COME OUT. Speaking of coming out, Peter was a very sassy, very gay teenager who held his evangelical beliefs close to the chest, but you'll hear all about that soon enough. Peter is amazing. Start listening now! Also, stick around for a short addendum in which you'll hear all about our plans for the next episode as well as our forthcoming trip to NYC. That's right, the Rude Dudes are headed for the Big Red Apple, baby! XOXO

Liz Larrimore may have been a know-it-all as a child but she grew up to have the kind of discerning eye that can identify a douchebag. One such douchebag: Dave Coulier, who "performed" for her college freshman orientation. Liz sat down with us to discuss Mr. Coulier as well as "Good News, Bad News", another episode in which Kimmy and DJ work together and everyone else suffers as a result. On a similar note, Becky and Danny co-host a terrible TV show and no amount of rebranding is going to change that. Do you notice the audio ping-pong tick-tack? Look, we've invested in a new mic and it shouldn't be a problem in the future. Can you not spare a bit of mercy for your favorite Rude Dudes? Must you be such harsh masters, my lords? Love you! XOXO

WARNING: This episode features a fair amount of hammering in the background (not a ton but a fair amount) and there's a bit of audio clickety-clack as well (but again, just a bit, so stay calm). With that said, please welcome our latest honorary Rude Dude, Carlos Luna! Aside from having a fantastic surname, Carlos is an avid fan of the sitcom and has many a theory about the world in which the characters live. Join us as we JFK the shit out of "Slumber Party", in which a bunch of horrible little girls and their mothers refuse to consider anyone who may not have a mother. Seriously, fuck the Honeybees and their bullshit mind games, some kids don't have a Mom! There's a lot of storytelling clutter on the side, including Jesse's makeover for Michelle and a boring as fuck yard sale, but we'll unpack all of that. We'll also unpack Carlos' latchkey kid status and his time as a Blockbuster thief, so strap in, kids! XOXO

This is now officially a mandate: Samantha Woodman is the second guest to bring us a treat without us asking and so from now on we are definitely asking: Will you bring us a treat when you sit down with us, future guests? We've had baklava and beer so you're gonna have to bring us something new. Something yummy or refreshing! Look, enough about our insatiable appetites for treats, we need to talk about "I.Q. Man". Can Jesse resist the allure of an older woman who wants to fuck his brains out on an oddly functional bathroom set for his latest ad campaign? Can Danny and Becky possibly make up for the glaring absence of Connie Chung? Can a sickly Stephanie escape the visceral horror of Dr. Michelle's homemade remedies? Yes. No. And no! We'll also talk about the pony business Samantha's mother runs, the joys of Garth Brooks, and why "Sammy" is not on the table. P.S. We did watch 'Grandfathered' right after this recording session and it fucking stunk. XOXO

Hope Rehak is the first honorary Rude Dude who brought us dessert (baklava) and from now on we expect dessert from all of our guests. Here are some ideas for those future guests: Donuts. Pie. Gingersnaps! Hope is also just an all around fantastic individual and we were happy to have her for "Crimes and Michelle's Demeanor", an episode that doesn't live up to the dread its title inspires, if only by so much. Look, we've been saying this for over a year now: Michelle is a horrible monster tot who has been begging for a comeuppance and now it has finally arrived. Will she accept her punishment or fly in the face of mortal man's so-called authority? No spoilers! Will Jesse and Becky declare bankruptcy after a series of asinine financial decisions? No spoilers! We can spoil one thing though, and that's Hope's past as an author of fan fiction. Hear all about it ... now!

Tom Fell is only two people removed from a major 'Full House' cast member and we can't decide if that's amazing, disturbing, or both. Tom is also just a hell of a guy and we were thrilled to have him by our side as we discussed "Greek Week", the S4 premiere in which everyone is tricked into marriage and Michelle's identical cousin shows Lifetime just how bad a wig can get. We'll also learn about Bob, who may or may not have found it in his heart to love Tom, and why Drake's may not be the hot spot for teens. Do you love our show? Have you expressed your love with an iTunes review? If not, maybe you never really loved us at all. Perhaps your love is nothing more than lust. We are not your smutty playthings, okay? Make an honest podcast out of us. Walk us around a table and take us home with you! XOXO Quick Correction: 'Paris is Burning' is a time capsule of the '80s, not the '90s. That really is a fantastic documentary, so track it down on Netflix today. Also, fuck you, Madonna.

When Jon and Brandon did the math and realized they'd be watching 'Full House' through February 2018 at their current pace they knew something had to be done: Pick up the Goddamn pace! With that said, please enjoy this, the first of many marathons. These babies will be coming your way around once a month, so be on the lookout for 'em! Today the boys will be covering the last four episodes of S3: Just Say No Way; Three Men and Another Baby; Fraternity Reunion, and Our Very First Telethon. That's a lot of nonsense, and your Rude Dudes couldn't have done it without their old pal, Alan Linic. Yep, another convention of these marathons is the return of former guests, so sit back, relax, and absorb the trio's musings on this extra chunky helping of sitcom tomfoolery! XOXO P.S. The Stitcher page has been fully updated, hurray and hurrah!

Happy Labor Day! As your annual respite from the suffocating corporate grind comes to an end, take solace in the fact that we, your beloved Rude Dudes, are here with another supplemental episode to ease your weary soul. This time around we're covering the 2004 non-hit 'New York Minute', in which the Olsen twins play complete opposites (shocker) who find their goals aren't exactly sympatico (double shocker). A bevy of respected character actors and comedians are along for the ride, proving if you want to be a success in show business you can never stop working. Ever. Some quick notes regarding the movie we didn't manage to cover: In the scene where Ashley uses a convenience store restroom there's a moment where she's walking around with a three foot long piece of toilet paper hanging out of her ass. As in it's presumably wedged between her butt cheeks. It's gross. Also, her character is a Republican, but since this is a PG film they don't bother to actually explore that. So yeah! Next week we'll be back to our

Elizabeth Kirkwood may have been the gal to go to in high school when you needed your homework done, but now she's her own woman, Quevin, and she's not gonna fall for your seductive tactics! Join us as we discuss Elizabeth's patience testing pageantry, recurring school-based nightmares, and inability to prepare a proper bindle. Oh, did we mention 'Full House'? Yes, that's what this podcast is about. Forgot for a second! This week we're covering "Honey, I Broke the House", in which little Stephanie manages to topple the Tanner empire in less than 20 seconds. She's desperate, she's harboring a secret, and she needs sanctuary. And a gun! P.S. This episode is dedicated to the memory of Cecil the Lion. Rest in peace, you great cat. XOXO

Jon and Brandon are on their own as they wrestle with the humdrum monster that is 'The Unauthorized Full House Story'. Is it boring? Yes. Is it almost entirely devoid of true dramatic juice? Sure. Is it almost entirely divorced from the sitcom it's trying to talk about? Yeah! Basically! Look, we survived two hours of nonsense and a barrage of awful ads for Lifetime's programming, so you're gonna sit there, and you're gonna listen to our thoughts, and you're gonna LIKE IT. As a little bonus, we try to cast our own (bug nuts) version of this film using people from the Comedy Bang Bang stable, a project we feel would have been vastly more compelling. Pop in those 'buds! XOXO

Tim Lamphier may have been a demanding child when it came to hot dog prep, and sure, he may have been a little hard on ol' Nintendo, but he's grown up into a fine young man and he was a damn treat for this, the 59th episode of the podcast. "Those Better Not Be the Days" is our subject this time around, and it has a pretty central theme: Kids are the worst and they can only be tricked into expressing their gratitude. There's also the matter of how exactly the men of this show view a particular teenage girl and whether or not their fantasies could land them in Goddamn jail. Sick freaks. Meanwhile, Victoria is on the scene and she's only out for one thing: DAD MONEY. Give us a fucking five star review in the iTunes Store or we'll leave chocolate surprises on your front stoops! XOXO