Aces Radio

ALERT! ALERT! THIS IS NOT AN EPISODE OF ACES RADIO. THIS IS A TRAINING VIDEO SLASH TRAINING SEMINAR INTENDED FOR THE EARS OF JOHN ZIDAR ONLY. IF YOU ARE NOT JOHN ZIDAR, PLEASE SET YOURSELF ON FIRE IMMEDIATELY. THANK YOU. #WhisperFont

Recap of Crewzers vs. RSL and Crewzers vs. Chester Unions. The season is 41% done, so like, what does that mean, and stuff? Man Balls. Celebrity fan Darby Shnarfus stops by for six hours, and we talk to him about things and also about other things. Hot takes! Greg is deported! Morgan ruins the show! Julie Stankey wins internet points! FC Cincinnati rants! This and not a whole hell of a lot more in segment three. Worst episode ever.

Recapping Crew vs. Toronto. Is a life without Gaston Sauro worth living? Man balls return after a one week unintentional hiatus. Celebrity fan and Hudson Street Hooligan president Katie Mitchell stops by to speak softly and infrequently into the microphone. Not good, like, at all. Hot takes! So many goddamned hot takes! Making demands of the front office regarding the upcoming 2016 Crew SC Footgolf Classic. Talking this weekends upcoming match against Real Salt Lake. The blissfully leaving you all, possibly forever. #WarOnAlex #WarOnAlex #WarOnAlex #WarOnAlex #WarOnAlex #WarOnAlex #WarOnAlex

Crewzers FC potential US Open Cup 4th Round opponents are announced. Morgan wants to play Cincinnati, while John and Greg are piles of human garbage. Recapping Crew vs. Rapids. John still thinks losing 26 goals somehow makes Columbus a strong soccer team. No. Alex Thomas joins the program, and proceeds to be both the best and worst guest of all-time. This is possibly the greatest segment in ACES Radio history. We go live on Periscope to read your #HotTakes and #Hotakes from the past week. Greg Benson has been deported. John Zidar has coughed into the microphone. We finish the worst show in ACES Radio history by discussing the upcoming Trillium Cup match at Toronto FC. Hashtag rivalry week, you guys.

Segment 1: Kei, Kei, Kei, Kei - Greg's suspension is updated, and Man Balls are given out. Segment 2: Angry Kip Lexner joins the program. Worst segment ever? Hell yes. Segment 3: Hot takes which are so hot that a wild Alex Stanek shows up to ruin the entire episode, and we preview the upcoming match against Colorado.

This one is completely out of order and filled with bullshit supporter drama, so pay no attention to what segment we may say we're in or if the episode sounds like it's ending. It's over when the counter reaches zero. Worst episode ever, and we mean it this time. Serenity now.

1. Recap of the win over Houston. What is a rivalry? Man Balls are given out. John Clem is in prison. 2. Horrible interview with Celebrity Fan Nate Beckman, including details on his genitals, and how they compare to John's genitals. 3. We go live on Periscope and dive deep into your extremely #HotTakes for the week. #HateWeek 2016: Columbus Crewzers FC vs. the Fighting Capos of Plascadia. Predictions for the upcoming match against Seattle.

1. Greg Benson is given a suspension for being a traitor. Recap of the win over NYCFC. Man Balls are given out to almost every Columbus starter. 2. Legitimately terrible interview with Celebrity Fan Todd Fichtenberg, including details on the legal battle with US Soccer over the Dos a Cero trademark, #NorOnTour, and The Sunshine Brigade. 3. Details on the Crew SC Gear Sale, and Google Earth stalking #TIFOSWEAT. We go live on Periscope and dive deep into your extremely #HotTakes for the week. John Zidar is a fuccboi. Predictions for the upcoming match against Houston.

Crewzers FC vs. Impact recap, Hot Takes galore. Shrek comes on earlier than scheduled to ruin everything. We briefly mention Robert Warzycha, then give out our Man Balls. The longest segment in the history of the world, featuring Celebrity Fan Srikanth Meka. I probably misspelled that. We read and react to your Hot Takes, both from Twitter and /r/TheMassive. Crew SC vs. NYCFC preview, update on prediction standings (SPOILER: Morgan is still winning), confidence colors, and predictions for the match against NYCFC. A bonus prank call made to Andy Loughnane from early in the 2015 season while we were driving back from Chicago in the middle of the night. John almost chokes to death on his own spit.

Segments... Crew vs. Dallas Burn wrap-up, 2016 Crewzers FC Celebrity Fan Ratings, Man Balls of The Week, and a metric shit ton of Hot Takes. Getting to know Joey D. Abigail DiNapoli, who is one of the shitlords that runs Yellow Nation Army as well as Project Jukebox. This man is an ignorant slut. Recapping the hockey leg of the hashtag Columbus Cup 2016, why Clark Beacom has totally redeemed himself, Previewing the weekends match at Montreal, and so many score predictions that your genitals will fall off. acessssssssss #WhisperFont

Segments... The USMNT defeats Guatemala in Columbus, OH. Should games that matter to the United States ever be played anywhere other than MAPFRE Stadium? Ethan Finlay impresses his home fans, and is robbed of a goal by some shitlord referee. Is Gregg Berhalter the next head coach of the US men's team, and will the we make it through to the HEX? Getting to know Celebrity Fan Bryan Levin, who was already a little bit famous before coming on ACES Radio. Whatever, bro. Hey! The Crewzers actually have a game this weekend! We break down the Saturday night Not-Pioneer-Cup match against the Dallas Burn. John, Greg, and Morgan each offer up the hottest of takes, along with score predictions. BONUS SECRET CONTENT: We prank call a member of the front office, as is tradition. acessssssssss #WhisperFont

  Segment 1 -A new co-host is added to the show. Yay! -That new co-host is Greg Benson. Boo! -Columbus Crewzers FC come away with a point in Bridgeview. Does America care? The answer is obviously no, America does not care at all. Segment 2 -We get to know Greg a little bit better. -Greg's boring stories cause blood to pour out of Morgan and John's eye sockets. -John tries to breastfeed Greg, Morgan cuts to commercial. Segment 3 -Fake Anthony Precourt leaves a voicemail showing his support for ACES Radio. -ACES Radio leaves a return voicemail for real-life Anthony Precourt. -Talking about #TIFOSWEAT. -USMNT vs. Guatemala -American Outlaws is a pyramid scheme.

Segment 1 -Crew SC loss vs. Chester Union -Tactics, tactics, tactics! Segment 2 -Celebrity Fan Sean Kelly of NBCSN stops by and talks for an entire hour Segment 3 -It's Famous Fan John Zidar's birthday! He is old now -NorOnTour -Gregg Berhalter is the smartest man who ever lived -Crew SC vs. Bridgeview Fire predictions

Yes, we know that the audio is terrible and that it sounds like we recorded this in some giant, extravagant hall. We are very sorry, and it will never happen again. Please find it in your heart to forgive us.