The Oldest Millennials Alive

Rachel and Lindsey take selfies on the way down the black hole of addiction, de-individuation, obligation, passivity and self-loathing we call social media. Lindsey vows to quit Instagram before this episode goes live... Did she succeed?? In addition to drastically changing our concepts of beauty, entertainment, dating, work and self-esteem, Rachel can't even comprehend how shitty social media has made being a teenager But can you really live outside this brave new world of interaction without repercussions and connection without consequences? -- Write us at oldestmillennials@gmail.com to ask the burning questions you want the girls to school you on next. Follow us @oldestmillennials on Instagram for behind-the-scenes, sexy photo shoots, relevant memes, and other stuff to help you whippersnappers get through your days.

Lindsey and Rachel can't agree on our most gratuitous, addictive, rapey, unattractive, yet also inescapable, sexy, useful and relation-enhancing human vice: PORN. Lindsey can't abide sex that deliberately avoids "divine flow." Rachel worries her former porn obsession may have shrunk her brain. And talk of mutual masturbation threatens to send the show more off the rails than usual. Anyway, if you learn one thing from this episode, let it be this: LESBIANS DO NOT ACTUALLY SCISSOR. Thank you for coming to our TED Talk. -- Write us at oldestmillennials@gmail.com to ask the burning questions you want the girls to school you on next. Follow us @oldestmillennials on Instagram for behind-the-scenes, sexy photo shoots, relevant memes, and other stuff to help you whippersnappers get through your days.

Rachel and Lindsey just say YES to "the last greatest drug," despite addiction, heroin brain, poop triggers, acid reflux, teeth stains, mold, mold and MORE MOLD. Lindsey has tried all the trendiest varieties, from Bulletproof to Kion, and knows which will poison your body least. Meanwhile Rachel remembers getting hooked on her parents' Folgers and Maxwell House, which barely even exist anymore. -- Write us at oldestmillennials@gmail.com to ask the burning questions you want the girls to school you on next. Follow us @oldestmillennials on Instagram for behind-the-scenes, sexy photo shoots, relevant memes, and other stuff to help you whippersnappers get through your days.

Lindsey and Rachel compare pee color as they dive into filtered, unfiltered, bottled, tap, spring, raw, alkaline, electrolyte-enhanced and "Beyond" H2O. Just because it's clear and tasteless doesn't mean it's all the same. Lindsey endores ewg.org, where you can search for tap water contaminants by ZIP code. Meanwhile, Rachel wrestles with the amount of poop in the water supply and what electrolytes really are. -- Write us at oldestmillennials@gmail.com to ask the burning questions you want the girls to school you on next. Follow us @oldestmillennials on Instagram for behind-the-scenes, sexy photo shoots, relevant memes, and other stuff to help you whippersnappers get through your days.

Rachel and Lindsey digest the nutritional, medical, ethical, financial, mental, spiritual and romantic aspects of life without animal products. Lindsey talks about going vegan with a thyroid problem, Rachel talks about going vegan for a girlfriend, and both talk about how mounting an ethical argument against vegans is almost impossible...But maybe that's not the be-all, end-all of your decision? -- Write us at oldestmillennials@gmail.com to ask the burning questions you want the girls to school you on next. Follow us @oldestmillennials on Instagram for behind-the-scenes, sexy photo shoots, relevant memes, and other stuff to help you whippersnappers get through your days.

Lindsey and Rachel tell you everything you need to know about pot, weed, cannabis, marijuana, CBD, THC, spliffs, joints, vaginal lube and whatevs. Write us at oldestmillennials@gmail.com to ask the burning questions you want the girls to school you on next. Follow us @oldestmillennials on Instagram for behind-the-scenes, sexy photo shoots, relevant memes, and other stuff to help you whippersnappers get through your days.