Say More About That

Jeff and Alyssa breakdown the pros and cons of working for two of the most popular online therapy platforms, Better Help and TalkSpace. Alyssa works for both companies and she gives a candid review on how they operate. Alyssa talks about her set up process, how clients are selected for her, the support she receives, the client retention incentives, what the platforms are doing right and how they could do better. A must listen if you've ever thought about providing online counseling.

Jeff and Rochelle breakdown mindfulness. They define it in basic language and then talk about why the therapy world has embraced mindfulness. They talk about the difference between "Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction" and mindfulness meditation. They touch on why it's so trendy and how it's causing some folks to feel guilty. And they share their favorite tips about how you can lead a more mindful life. Of course, there will be lots of laughs along the way.

This episode was inspired by a Facebook comment thread which devolved into a bunch of therapists disagreeing with each other about the use of the word "fat" when describing a client. Jeff calls on Hillary Kinavy, a body positive and Health at Every Size expert, to break it down for us. They discuss what intuitive eating is, how to truly by "body positive", why all diets are bad, what messages we should be sending to our children about their bodies, and how we are taking back the word "fat"!

Rochelle joins Jeff once again to tackle an important, and lesser discussed subject, countertransference. Countertransference is the projection of feelings from the therapist to the client. Sounds pretty basic, right? Well the tricky part about countertransference is that it's happening subconsciously and sometimes it's really subtle, which makes it hard to detect. And if it goes undetected then havoc may ensue. Jeff and Rochelle break it all down for you in this week's episode.

Jeff talks to Julie Jeske, LPC, a sex therapist, about how therapists can be better at talking about sex and   check their sexual bias. We also dive into what clients should know about sex therapy. We discuss the very important differences between a sex therapist, a sex coach, sex surrogates, sex workers and sexy witches. 

Jeff talks to Rochelle, a fellow therapist, about using self-disclosure with clients in session. Rochelle and Jeff are on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to how much they'll reveal about themselves to clients. They talk about what the client can expect to hear and what's appropriate for the client to ask. They discuss the pros and cons of self-disclosure and how much is too much to share with clients. All while Jeff probably discloses too much personal info on the episode.

Nani, a woman in her 50’s and a therapist herself, knew at a young age that she wanted to study psychology and work in the mental health field. While she was in college, a professor told her that he didn’t think she was cut out to be a therapist. Nani abruptly changed her career path and instead worked in design for 20 years. She found her way back to grad school once she had gone through her own therapy as an adult. During one of her stints in therapy, she experienced a major betrayal with her counselor that caused a deep rupture. Nani details the unique experience and how the incident unfolded. Nani has been a therapist for years now and sometimes provides therapy for therapists. She talks about how different it is to provide therapy to someone in the mental health industry and what she does to create a safe space.

Heidi Savell returns to Say More About That to talk with Jeff about what it takes to be a competent, non-judgmental therapist when treating clients that are poly and non-monogamous. Jeff discusses how he thought he was competent, but found out he had a lot of subconscious bias issues he needed to work through with Heidi. They discuss how other therapists might have issues to work through before becoming proficient with poly folks. Sign up for Heidi’s poly competent training at http://bit.ly/2E8eads

Alana, a self-described fat, black femme in her 30’s received some strong messages about therapy as a middle-schooler. She was told that therapy is for white people and black people go to church. In college, she was an activist who tried her best to create more diversity at the campus counseling center. Later in life she and her spouse decided to open their relationship. She was looking for a therapist that was sex positive, poly competent, anti-racist and body positive.

Last week I started a petition asking the Psychology Today therapist directory to add a third gender option to their site. I give an update on how that went. I talk about some upsetting messages from therapists across the country when I created the petition. I then go on to discuss a recent comedy article titled, “Things I wish my therapist would say to me but never does”. I dive into each request by the author and dissect why we don’t tell our clients these things.

Here is a statement that should be incredibly non-controversial: All online therapist directories that allow potential clients to filter therapists by gender should include at least three gender options. They should be “Trans/Non-binary”, “Female” and “Male”. The leading online therapist directory, Psychology Today, does not allow people to filter for therapists that are transgender or non-binary. That needs to change. Sign the petition urging them to fix this now. Sign the petition: http://chng.it/MW9SyYrhQj

Jess, a woman who decided to open up her relationship while going to counseling, had to decide if she wanted to continue therapy with her current counselor who was critical of her relationship choices, or if she should find a practitioner who was more open, trained and non-judgmental of her polyamorous relationship. Jess, and guest host Heidi Savell, talk about what to look for when seeking a therapist who provides counseling to poly and non-monogamy folks. They define some common terms and language used in the poly community while also talking about the unique issues that can come up in counseling when addressing non-monogamy in session.

A self-identified metalhead, who is a creative, artistic, stylist was introduced to the concept of therapy through the movie Harold and Maude. She saw her first therapist because she had a bad boyfriend when she was younger. She was lucky enough to find a badass therapist, but the sessions ended quickly because the therapist moved away. She later found another counselor, but she lacked “fire.” Therapy ended with her because she felt like the counselor was disapproving of her romantic relationship. She searched for more therapists, but felt like all the therapists had “dead eyes” in their photos that turned her off. She eventually found a new badass therapist, that she is still seeing, but she had three important questions that she needed to answer correctly before making an appointment.

Kathy, a 43 year old woman, who was introduced to therapy as a kid by watching the TV show Frasier. When her dad passed away, she became narcoleptic. The therapist was able to quickly solve her narcolepsy. Then she was diagnosed with misophonia, the hatred of sounds. She found a mindfulness counselor to address it. Then her husband had a cardiac arrest which flipped her life upside down. Once again, she found a new therapist. Listen to find out how she strategically addressed each issue that popped up.

A 10 year old girl in 5th grade with rainbow colored hair, was ambushed by her parents when she returned from camp and dragged to therapy to work on family dynamics. As you can imagine, it didn't go well. She explains why that experience was so jarring and what specifically she didn't like about the therapist. Even after that less ideal introduction to therapy, she decided to give it another try, this time on her own terms. She knew exactly what she was looking for and she was going to determine if her next counselor was a good fit. Find out why she loves her current therapist and get some solid advice from a 10 year old about what therapists can do to better serve clients like her.

Jake, a gay man in his 30's, was introduced to therapy in fifth grade. It wasn’t great. When Jake was young, his family thought he might need more masculine energy in his life. He wasn’t really having it. He broke up with his assigned Big Brother. He had one powerful therapy session with a local therapist right before his family packed up and moved to Portland. After a few failed attempts over several years, Jake went to a therapist following an event at work that triggered obsessive thoughts. Finally, this therapist was the perfect fit. Tune in to hear what he thinks straight therapists should know about gay clients and a bizarre story about his experience with a psychiatrist. Jake was a delight to chat with and this episode is full of funny and moving moments as he shares his therapy journey.

Joyln, a woman in her 40's, had a unique, and unusual, introduction to the mental health world as a child when she visited her grandmother, who was given a lobotomy. As strange as that experience was, she was open to exploring her own mental health options as an adult. One day, in the middle of receiving acupuncture, she realized she needed a therapist. Luckily, the first therapist she saw turned out to be the perfect fit. There were many ups and downs during their ten year relationship. Her therapist challenged her to grow in ways that felt uncomfortable and challenging while at the same time expressing her care and compassion. Not only did she see her therapist individually for years, she also attended her group therapy sessions which introduced her to other areas where she was able to grow. And after ten years, she did it all over again with another therapist for eight years. Listen to hear all the twists and turns on Joyln’s emotional therapeutic journey. 

Jill, a woman in her 30's, never thought therapy was for her. Her early childhood and adolescent exposure to the idea of counseling left her feeling that she didn't "deserve" to get help through therapy because she hadn't suffered enough trauma. She was eventually able to let go of those restrictive ideas and started looking into therapy as a way to find more satisfaction and meaning in her life. Her first therapist was not a good fit. But did she give up? No! She found the perfect match in her second therapist, whose values-based, solution-focused approach helped her get clarity on what was really important to her.