It's Not Casablanca

This podcast also does whatever a spider can, though perhaps not as well as this movie.

Well, that's a pleasant surprise. Mostly.

Michael Fassbender and Ridley Scott are great? Well, that's a shocker.

For those counting, it took about 40 seconds.

Our first release-day episode! Thanks, Thursday night screenings!

If Keanu Reeves and Common shooting at each other through a crowded Greenwich Village subway station doesn't do it for you, well, what are we even doing here?

Stop listening to this ridiculous podcast and go watch the best movie of the year. Of a lot of years. A LOT of years.

Insert... Star Wars joke... here? Is there something useful to even say in this space?

Benedict Cumberbatch does magic stuff. It's pretty neat. Also there's a bad guy, sort of, a little, because it's a Marvel movie.

"Hey, I've got an idea. Let's make a neo-Western crime movie with Captain Kirk and the Dude." Someone had that thought, and that someone is a GODDAMNED GENIUS.

Hey, kid! Do you love those Jason Bourne movies? Well have we got a surprise for you!

Bryan Cranston is pretty good. You probably knew that already; just thought we'd repeat it for funsies.

Who you gonna call? Kate McKinnon, that's who. For anything and everything.

Oh wow is this movie awful. Not even an attempt at witty banter here. Its badness will knock your socks off.

In which Poe Dameron and Macbeth fight... uh... I actually can't think of really anything else that James McAvoy is particularly famous for. Band of Brothers? Sure. Fassbender was in that too, you know!

Hey kids, do you like Russell Crowe? Do you like Ryan Gosling? You don't? Then get the fuck out. There's no place for you here.

Disney owns all these things now, right? You kind of wanted Luke Skywalker to show up and say "civil war? Is it a GALACTIC civil war? Meh. Not that impressive." And then Cap says, "we have Robert Downey Junior." Then the real war starts. Over Robert Downey Junior.

Key and Peele, the world's cutest cat, and Method Man reprising his role from the Wire. We really don't know what the hell else you want.

Hey kids! Do you hate fun? Then have we got the movie for you.