Zoe Nightingale



You're Welcome is a satirical improv comedy show whose goal is to find and share peoples stories, from all over the world. Each episode is unique and can range from 5 minutes to an hour, and will feature a brand new topic usually with someone Zoe has just met. This podcast is not for the faint of heart, buckle up. ABOUT YOU'RE WELCOMELike most brilliant ideas, this show was started over a molotov concoction of alcohol and various illicit substances. Zoe had given up on her life long dream, of being the female Howard Stern years ago but finally set out armed with a folding table, a couple lawn chairs, and a foam board sign that read "Free Sex Advice." One by one strangers stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk to them about their lives. We'd like to take this moment to thank you for coming to our site and leave you with the eternal words of Oscar Wilde:"I was under the impression that inordinate joviality can atone for an entire lack of class" ABOUT ZOEWhen Zoe's Pre K teacher told her parents that she had best negative leadership qualities she had ever seen in 20 years of teaching," her family knew they were in trouble. After professionally taking up space all over the world for years, traveling extensively throughout South America and Europe, Zoe went to school in Charleston South Carolina, where she stuck bumper stickers like "Bush Lies" "Keep You Laws Off My Body" "It's a Choice Not a Child," on the back of her car and was then shocked when 8 tired super charged red necks hopped up on Mountain Dew would try to kill her. Since she was the sole representative for Yankees and Jews, she probably set both causes back a century. In college she lived with three wonderful European men who introduced her to the electronic music scene. The love of this music caused her to have brief yet passionate love affairs with Paris and Berlin, finally deciding to settle down and marry New York City. For the last 29 years hurricane Zoe has swept through countless countries leaving a cornucopia of chaos and laughter in her wake.


  • Lets Go Smoke Psychedelic Toad!

    Lets Go Smoke Psychedelic Toad!

    08/01/2021 Duration: 28min

    Have you heard of psychedelic toad? NO? Where the deviled egg have you been?  Comparable to the likes of ayahuasca, psilocybin mushrooms, and mescaline, this natural medicine comes from a rare species of toad native to the Sonoran Desert, Bufo Alvarius.  They produce a venom known as 5-MeO-DMT: an extremely potent natural psychedelic. 5-MeO-DMT is about six times more powerful than its better-known cousin DMT (dimethyltryptamine). The 5 MeO is extracted by catching these slow fat giant toads and squeezing them like a stress ball until the toad’s toxic venom glands burst like high school pimple and then dehydrating the pus into a crumbly dry paste. You then smoke this in what would usually be referred to as a crack pipe with what looks like a mini blow torch and are then blasted off to the candy store of the universe. Shamans throughout Mexico and the southwestern US have been harvesting and smoking the substance for decades, but has recently become as popular as Tickle Me Elmo in December of 1996.  Individual

  • RIP Party Monster

    RIP Party Monster

    25/12/2020 Duration: 31min

    It makes sense to me that Michael Alig, the notorious Party Monster, King of the Club Kids has passed away on Christmas. When I woke up to this news a million different feelings washed over my body...but mostly it was deep sadness. Addiction is a thing that claims lives every second and something that has blackened many parts of my life. Goodbye MIchael. I will never forget you. This is a re-post of a live show I did with him in 2017.  I met Michael shortly after he was released from Prison for his 1996 murder of Angel Melendez. For some background, this is the same man whose life that the 2003 movie Party Monster  was based off of. He was a brilliant Pied Piper who was able to create a social movement that swept over the nation calling small town rejects and societal misfits to join he's legion of worshipers called the "Club Kids." Reviled by some, worshiped by others, he's like the trump of 90's. As someone who intimately knows the New York Party scene, let me tell you the kind of charisma and raw unique cr

  • Is A Pearl Necklace - The Perfect Holiday Gift?

    Is A Pearl Necklace - The Perfect Holiday Gift?

    22/12/2020 Duration: 40min

    Happy Holidays everyone!  I would be merry, but I am Hebrew... just kidding..! I long ago got over my anger about being a lonely Jewess on Christmas and have embraced a happier outlook on what always seemed to me to be the most superficial gift based pagan nonsense imaginable...so in that spirit.... I have a holiday treat for you right in time to slide into your Christmas trees DM's. It's a compilation of my favorite, most uncomfortable moments that I recorded (mostly secretly) of my parents.  My parents were both born in 1944, and grew up in very proper, Super Jew families. My mother to me always seemed like a person who got transported directly from a sock hop and never quite fit into modern times. She never said bad words, never talked about sex, never talked about anything remotely off color...and I was born...hmm how do I put this, a red eyed, spikey tailed devil creature...it's taken me a long time to become more like my mother and whats weird is the more I become like her, the more she seems to become

  • The Comedian That Could Have Been a Panty Dropping Pediatrician

    The Comedian That Could Have Been a Panty Dropping Pediatrician

    19/12/2020 Duration: 44min

    Introducing, Usama Siddiquee! A gloriously raunchy, bright eyed and extremely bushy-tailed comedy superstar - who was born in Canada and raised in a part of Texas that probably could very well have inspired scenes from Deliverance, and raised a Muslim - so you can imagine he has a particular view point on what it takes to make it out alive of middle school and succeed it in this racial utopia we call the United States. I met him when he was doing stand up at a socially distant comedy show at Cooper Park in 30 degree weather, and I thought his particular brand of comedy and crowd control was so impressive I decided to invite him to my home and find out just exactly how far his rabbit hole goes down.  AND DOWN WE WENT. Off like a herd of mentally challenged sea turtles trying to lay their eggs on particularly steep sand dune, we tackled many topics such as rubber gloved, direct eye contact handies in public, not having literally a pot to piss in/crashing in crack homes in the tuchus hole of Brooklyn to save mon

  • America, FUCK YEAH!

    America, FUCK YEAH!

    11/12/2020 Duration: 26min

    Greeting and salutations my fair weather friends, apologies for my absence, but I needed to take a break from my own brain and reorient my north star. However, I'm back!  This is my first humble offering, coverage of the best day of all time, the day that Joe Biden officially won the presidency, and NYC erupted into actual flames of celebration.  In my life, I have never seen this kind of joy. The moment he won, I swear to you, squeals, shrieks, honks, pots and pans clanging, laughter, screams, sirens all instantaneously rolled through NYC like a thunderous cloud blanketing every ear drum in jubliant glee.  So, I bought 8 mid priced champagnes, put on a red white and blue outfit, painted stars in my face, put on my FUCK TRUMP NO LUBE camouflage trucker hat that I made in times square in 2016, powered up my recorders and hit the streets.  I must have gone to every bourough in the city. I was completely wasted by 12 pm. Like first day of freshman year, keg stand, girls gone wild blatto blasted. So, please expe

  • I Didnt Get Arrested!! Love/Hope/Protest in NYC

    I Didn't Get Arrested!! Love/Hope/Protest in NYC

    06/11/2020 Duration: 01h26s

    Well, just my luck. Depressed and defeated, I took my microphones to Washington Square Park to see how my fellow New Yorkers were coping with the election results. It was a beautiful fall day and New York was A buzz with farmers markets, art, live jazz, poets and artists all converging to lend each other moral support.  People were organizing for an "count all votes," rally that was incredibly peaceful. But in mere moments turned into a blood bath. No where is safe. I am so fucking sad.  Even if Biden wins. HOW COULD IT HAVE BEEN THIS CLOSE. OOf. It hurts, it hurts so bad. The worst part is I somehow tricked myself that this time of quarantine was going to do something to the collective fabric to inspire compassion for your fellow countryman. I am so fucking bored of racism and intolerance. Aren't you? AREN'T WE ALL. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.  We'll, here we are. There's literally no where to go but up. Started from the bottom and now we're...where. All I can do is keep trying to spread love and laughter in my wake a

  • OMG WTF??1

    OMG WTF??1

    21/10/2020 Duration: 30min

    OMGWTF - What the deviled egg is actually happening anymore? I've enlisted the help of a childhood classmate, Ben Sheehan, who is a rockstar political/constitutional expert to help me understand how things got so bad, how we can make them better and what each of us can do to fight for the America we want to live in. He's written a book, OMGWTF Does the Constitution Actually Say? This book is like a cheat sheet for this of us who need a refresher course in how our government works. While this isn't the sexiest episode, it's full of really helpful information about how we got here, and how we can make it better, one vote at a time. This is it guys. WINTER HAS COME. Everyone, everywhere has to be doing everything they can to get their friends, family, coworkers, dog walkers, whatever whoever wherever TO THE POLLS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. If he wins, well...honestly...I don't even want to go there. I believe in the collective good. I believe in light. VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE. Thank you. Thank you Ben!! In

  • This is What I Get For Bringing My Mother to Burning Man

    This is What I Get For Bringing My Mother to Burning Man

    15/10/2020 Duration: 26min

    My mom decided to sell our home, and while it may not seem like a big deal to most, I FREAKED OUT. I knew it was bound to happen sometime. When covid hit, my mother was visiting Santa Fe, a place that had always made her heart feel full. The house, that we've spent 20 years in, was sitting, mostly empty, waiting for our triumphant return. My mom has been really careful about Covid, and I've only been able to see her twice in these last 6 months and this for me has been really super duper tough. I need my mother. I need her all the time. I need to hold her hand and wake up next to her and know that she's padding around the house at 6 am in her silk nightgown and Terry cloth robe, reading the paper and drinking decaf. This house of ours, was a new start. After my father was officially out of the picture, we had sold my childhood home and moved into this one together, to start a new chapter. This one was just one for the two of us, my siblings were long gone, and we turned this page together and I proceeded to m

  • If They Told You, You Would Cry

    If They Told You, You Would Cry

    25/09/2020 Duration: 29min

    Introducing Natalie Cooper. The founder and principal of Uncommon Schools in Camden NJ. Camden has long suffered from poverty, high incarceration rates, and lack of opportunity for its residents. However, it is a city of tremendous resilience, character and love, and it’s a city working hard to improve the quality of life for its residents. There are many ways in which this city is rising, and one of them is with the help of the Uncommon School Camden Prep. Uncommon schools is a network of 55 charter schools across the east coast. Four of those schools, Camden Prep, are located in Camden, NJ. Camden Prep serves over 800 students in grades K-9, and will grow to serve grades K-12 by 2023. Even though 98% of the student population qualifies for free or reduced price lunch, Camden Prep has proven that circumstances do not determine destiny – in 2015, Camden Prep was ranked the highest performing public or Renaissance school in the city of Camden and has retained that title ever since. During these challenging tim

  • No One Gets Well in a Cell

    No One Gets Well in a Cell

    08/09/2020 Duration: 50min

    Introducing Emily Galvin Almanza - a drop dead gorgeous bad ass warrior for truth and justice. She's been fighting against the lies, inequalities and traps that exist inside or "system of justice," for over a decade.  Now, I thought I knew a lot about what it actually takes to be a public defender, the person who is called to represent anyone that cannot afford their own lawyer. But I HAD NO IDEA just how deep and dark the rabbit hole goes.  This Zena Warrior Princess badass super hero has taken what she's learned in years of fighting the blatantly racist carceral system and figured out a way to do the help that actually helps. She founded partners for justice, a all hands on deck wrap around service that caters to people who get ensnarled in the bogus, unfair, predatory legal system and helps make sure that the ramifications for being arrested for being Black on a Tuesday don't destroy peoples entire lives.  I learned SO much from her and I think that beyond defund the police, the thing we really need to be

  • Bassem Youssefs Plants to Change the World

    Bassem Youssef's Plants to Change the World

    18/08/2020 Duration: 41min

    Hello! I am delighted to bring you yet another podcast with the one and only Bassem Youssef, who was at one time the Jon Stewart of the Middle East. A pediatric heart surgeon living in Cairo, he started an underground YouTube show ala the Daily show, poking fun at the Arab world and bringing to light some of the vast injustices that were happening in his country. He got so popular underground that he was offered a real show on a network and at one point had 40 million people tuning into his show. However, making fun of dictators comes with a cost, and Bassem was forced to flee Egypt with his family because of very real death threats and an impending prison sentence. He has moved to California and is launching an entire new project. It's called Plant B. It is his new mission to help people overcome illness through a plant based diet. I'll let him explain to you all the benefits of going green, but suffice it to say, the case for a plant based diet has never made more sense to me. Thank you Bassem, for your con

  • The New Woke Order

    The New Woke Order

    08/07/2020 Duration: 28min

    This is comedian, master yogi, entrepreneur, bitcoin lover, and semi professional dancer Kevin Lance Murray. Kevin has been a friend of mine for quite some time and through our friendship the conversation of race comes up pretty much constantly.  Kevin has had a unique upbringing, born to Jamaican immigrants in the Bronx, he was moved to Westchester, CT a predominantly white city when he was a boy. His parents specifically moved there in hopes that he could be in a White community with an access to "White" education. He has been straddling a difficult reality where he felt like he was never "Black" enough for Black people, and was way to Black for White people.  Kevin has always been an amazing resource to me, for pretty much everything in my life. He fills my life with so much joy and knowledge and I just thought I would check in with him about how he feels about what's going on in the world today. He's also, fucking hilarious. So, sit back and spend a half hour with one of my favorite people on the planet. 

  • You are not Powerless- YOU ARE POWERFUL - Pride 2020

    You are not Powerless- YOU ARE POWERFUL - Pride 2020

    29/06/2020 Duration: 20min

    Meet Krystal Joy Brown. A drop dead gorgeous dynamite powerhouse who before Corona hit was starring in Hamilton on Broadway. During Quarantine, she like many, after being bombarded with horrific consecutive murders and violence against the black community decided enough was enough. She decided to organize her very own rally dedicated to celebrating all Black Lives and specifically our friends in the Black Trans community. She started by researching what her rights to assemble were, and somehow piece-mealed her very own giant BLM/pride parade. Because of Corona, she couldn't get a parade permit, but that didn't stop her. Instead she found police mediators so on the day she could handle whatever problems may come up with the fact she built a full stage and sound system in the middle of Time Square and then led almost a thousand people down 7th Avenue ( in the middle of the street!) with a marching band all the way until we got to Stone Wall Inn. IT WAS MAGIC. Incredibly organized, full of love and color and ch

  • Oh NO! Am I Amy Cooper?!

    Oh NO! Am I Amy Cooper?!

    17/06/2020 Duration: 42min

    Interested in a lesson in white privilege? Oh good. I’ve got just the person to talk to, my friend Shanterra McBride. A badass Texan educator that I’ve known since I was a tween. She's my sister's bestie, and they've worked together for years trying to bring justice and dignity to schools and kids all over the country for decades. I'm starting with someone that I know, well, that can help me have this conversation because even though I am a liberal NYC person who believes that they are consistently doing their best, I know I can do better. Furthermore, embarrassingly,  before talking to her, I actually didn’t really consider myself a white person.  Yes, yes I know, this could sound crazy. But growing up Jewish, I never considered myself in alignment in any way with the blood soaked hands of the original sinners that built this country. If anything I grew up thinking that I was an ally to the Black community. But that doesn't mean that I haven't benefited from white privilege.  My ability to say whatever I wan

  • The Dark Truth About Fake News

    The Dark Truth About Fake News

    06/06/2020 Duration: 35min

    As a podcaster, in moments like this, you want more than ever to be able to take your microphones to the streets and be able to amplify as many voices as you possibly can and try to help further causes like Black Lives Matter. However, I am deep in Colorado on road trip with my entire family with almost no access to the internet or phone service so for now, I am proceeding with another podcast that was scheduled for this week and will have to wait to join in the protests when I return to NYC this Monday. I promise you, I will do everything in my power to see the systemic racism that has plagued our country since it's inception stopped. I will do it with storytelling, fundraising, protesting, and getting representatives elected who can actually change the laws that have for centuries purposefully tried to suppress, oppress and incarcerate  the African American community.  But for now, I bring you the story of Dakota Gruener, the founder and CEO of ID2020.  A person that I am honored to call a friend and a woma

  • Susanne Bartsch vs. Corona - Taking the Party from The Club to the Couch

    Susanne Bartsch vs. Corona - Taking the Party from The Club to the Couch

    28/05/2020 Duration: 37min

    Hello hello hello!  I am beyond delighted to bring you my next episode with the Queen of NYC, Susanne Bartsch. I shouldn't need to fill you in on who she is, but to sum her up in one word, it's ICON. If her name is unfamiliar to you, just do a quick google search, and you'll get a faint idea of the kind of lioness you're about to listen to. For more info you can also check out the Netflix documentary about her called ON TOP, that will make you feel like the least fashionable person in the entire world.  This podcast has one purpose only, to promote her next level online parties, which she has put on every Thursday since Typhoon Corona washed up upon our shores and eviscerated our ability congregate together.  Corona has effected all of us differently, but there is one community that has been effected dramatically, the arts. NYC is home to some of the best and brightest underground stars on the planet, and they rely on parties to make their living. They work their asses off, literally, and most of them don't h

  • The Matryoshka - Human Edition

    The Matryoshka - Human Edition

    21/05/2020 Duration: 36min

    Introducing - Justin Jedlica - the human Ken Doll.  A plastic surgery aficionado who to date had over 800 procedures on his entire body. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, you name it, Justin has invented a way to modify it. Justin has been featured on countless interviews and TV programs, all which bottle him up into this packaged person, and routinely hyper fixates on his bod mod and rarely deigns to go beyond surface level to explore the bubbling geyser of identity, gender, abuse and sexuality struggles he has faced throughout his life. The more I learn about the pressures facing the LGBTQ+ community, the more I am blown away by the strength it requires to stand up to the prison like standards most cultures put around sexuality and stand proud and tall and say listen, this is who the fuck I am, deal with it.  He is fascinating, and an incredible storyteller, and I am so thankful to him that he allowed me to meet the tiniest doll inside of him.   Follow him @justinjedlica his website: www.justinjedica.com Fol

  • The Boy Who Cried Botox

    The Boy Who Cried Botox

    14/05/2020 Duration: 17min

    Todo,  I am definitely not in New York anymore.  I AM IN LA...and LA is a WILD. I've been here for two months now, and I still feel like Mork, but without a Mindy. It's this bizzaro combination of lush nature contrasted with super ugly highways and strip malls, poverty, new money, old money, itty bitty dogs, over caffeinated mountain bikers, hot yoga moms who don't vaccinate their babies but believe in the healing power of crystals, dumb as actual rocks super babes, brilliant artists, lovely hippies, sick street art, incredible tacos, looming mountain ranges, waterfalls, homelessness and dashed dreams - OH and by the way, EVERY SINGLE DAY IS THE SAME WEATHER. I can't explain how weird that is to me. Same temp, same sun, same same same all day every day. All of this I could handle, but my next two podcasts, cemented for me that I am in fact in a 4th dimension.  Now, I originally was just going to interview Justin Jedlica, who was baptized, "The Human Ken Doll," by none other than Babs Walters herself. Why may

  • Debbie Does Downtown Abby - Love in the time of Corona Ep. 2

    Debbie Does Downtown Abby - Love in the time of Corona Ep. 2

    08/05/2020 Duration: 28min

    Greeting and salutations you gorgeous homebodies.  Can you believe it's May! What the actual fuck. When has time ever been so elastic yet so rigid? I got lost in the woods for a couple weeks with zero internet access and way to many lizards to look at and once again dropped the ball on my storytelling duties but like the great backstreet boys before me I am BACK! So next up we have the fearless leader of the Skirt Club - Genevieve LeJeune. This is not Ms LeJune's first time gracing my podcast, and I'm delighted to be able to catch up with her and share with you what one does when their companies bread and butter comes from  bi curious female only sex parties.  Yes, skirt club is a genius society where women who have always wanted to dip their toes into the warm folds of multiple labias can go to put on 400 dollar lace under pants, sip pink champagne, nibble raspberries and then get laid down gently on 4000 thread count satin sheets and get face fucked by women of all shapes and sizes!  Doesn't that just sound

  • Love in the Time of Corona with Vikram Gandhi

    Love in the Time of Corona with Vikram Gandhi

    16/04/2020 Duration: 45min

    HELLO WORLD!  It is I, Zoe Nightingale and I am BACK.  I know I know, it's been a minute, and for that I am deeply sorry. I got swallowed into a work worm hole without and exit but thankfully Corona in her all knowing glory, eviscerated my business and left her to die a slow prolonged death on the side of the highway! The silver-lining of that of course, is that it gave me the time to get back into my first love, podcasting.  Granted, it took me a while to grieve the loss of my previous life and settle into my new one. Turns out it's not easy to podcast when all you want to do is crawl into a ball and evaporate, but after a lot of green juice, ocean air and hardcore journaling, I AM BACK!  I am am here to provide you with the same kind of hard hitting investigative journalism that I have always have...but with a twist! Almost all of my new podcasts will be done over the phone... but never fear, we will be virtually tackling all your favorite topics such as: SEX DRUGS GLITTER DRAG QUEENS FAILURE SUCCESS DEPRES

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