One On Ones N' Roses: A Bachelor Podcast

We had some time to digest "The Bachelor" finale and have a few thoughts on Cassie and Colton's relationship. Plus, we get into Hannah Beast as our next bachelorette (what does it mean if you struggle to form sentences on live TV?) and speculate on our dream "Bachelor in Paradise" pairings.

They really are doing the most with the least in this FOUR-HOUR SEASON FINALE. But first, we have to find Colton in Algarve. Where did he go post-fence jump? What did he see out there? A mirage of Cassie, perhaps? Despite Chris Harrison's warning that Cassie is not that into him, Colton decides to break up with all the women to follow his heart. Will Cassie go for it? Did Hannah G ever get fed? And why isn't Tayshia the Bachelorette?

It's the fence jump heard round the world. What drove our dear, sweet Colton to hop the gate to GTFO out of Algarve, Portugal? That was the question viewers asked all season, and as it turns out, it was a 24-year-old blonde girl who loved Colton but wasn't in love with in. Oomph. That's enough to send us running.

Who's lying? Who's telling the truth? Are any of these 23 year olds ready for marriage? Does talking about "The Bachelorette" disqualify you from meeting Neil Lane? Who is Brett Young? This is the messiest season of "The Bachelor" ever, and the biggest pot stirrer is Colton himself, who has consistently asked all the girls to shit talk each other. It's a rousing performance of the patriarchy. No matter who you believe or don't believe, one thing is clear: This is Hannah G.'s game to lose.

Welcome to the Hunger Games. We started with 11 girls but only six survived. In fact, it was time for most of these girls to pack up their bags and leave Southeast Asia, including Demi, who did as much as she could with the screen time she had. Hannah G made a play for frontrunner status, Tayshia is ready to spill the tea, and Kirpa has dated a virgin before.