Daddio Patio



Nothing is off-limits on Daddio Patio. Guided by a Pentagram of five unique, madly curious Daddios, this show cannonballs into everything hilarious and wonderful about the cosmos. Join them on a magical adventure to the holy grail of fun and friendship!


  • DP110 - Neck Store Next Door

    DP110 - Neck Store Next Door

    29/12/2020 Duration: 01h19min

    Not to be a dungeon of pessimism, but 2020 sucked. We never meant to cause you any sorrow, we never meant to cause you any pain. The Daddios put one more masked episode in the books for this shitty year. This is the funniest, most carefree episode we've done in a long time. All of your favorite DP topics are covered: snacks, strange addictions, Lance abusing his little brother, public pools, sandwiches, janitors, video games, and everything else your calloused little 2020 heart yearns for.  Notable absence: orange man. It's time we all reach out for something new, that means you too. But hey, don't forget - poop comes with us into 2021. Things have been tough, but we've managed to keep our sanity by laughing at the absurd and insane things in this world. Thanks for giggling with us. We'll see ya next year. 

  • DP109 - #x1f95b Hole Milk #x1f573

    DP109 - 🥛 Hole Milk 🕳

    14/12/2020 Duration: 01h20min

    With a slight lifting of the psychological weight, the Daddios come back in a glorious return to form. This episode has all of the absurdity, philosophy, nostalgia, animal discussions, and bullshit that you've come to expect from your esteemed hosts. Of course, we're still masked in the dark basement.  Speaking of psychological weight, being an educator must be very difficult. It's a damn shame that most educators are not paid accordingly. I mean, they're only responsible for a whole generation of minds. The Daddios call friend and longtime listener Alex to ask him about his experience as a middle school teacher. Alex took it upon himself to give us a talkin-to. That's right, we were disciplined on our own show.  Clearly, the boys didn't grow up, they then discuss the future of nudity, and Collin reveals that he himself is DairyDaddy on OnlyFans.  All this and more, but fair warning: this episode contains spoilers from the Frog and Toad books.  It's good to be back. 

  • DP108 - What is Revenge?

    DP108 - What is Revenge?

    23/11/2020 Duration: 01h27min

    By popular demand, the demon has been vanquished. Hey, we never set out to talk politics on this podcast, but it's been pretty hard to ignore over the last 4 years. I mean, a reality tv show guy who is painted up like a fucking insecure idiot has been actively undermining democracy at every turn, while shouting thinly-veiled racist, sexist, and bigoted language to applauding crows of lost souls. Kinda weird, right? Hey, if you supported T**mp, that's really fucking stupid (and shitty), but there is still time to change. Wake up, he's a con artist with an empty cavity where a heart should be. Also, for the first time, we let his ugly-ass name ring out on our airwaves, but only because this is a victory lap, and our editor is a lazy piece of shit.  Alright, now that that's over with, on to the important stuff: Three of the Daddios gathered in Andy's centipede dungeon, masked, amidst the backdrop of an ongoing global pandemic. Important question - after the boys die, who will carry the Daddio Patio torch and ill

  • DP107 - Bloomin Onion

    DP107 - Bloomin' Onion

    19/11/2020 Duration: 01h38min

    We're still in this damn pandemic, so the boys had another masked conversation in the basement. This week, we were sans Sant. Collin was not physically present, but still made an appearance. The Swan King actually flew over the pond to join us.  Hey what the hell is sauce? I mean we know what it is but what's the origin story? What was the first sauce? Also, how do Cool Ranch Doritos look under a microscope? Has society gone past sincerity on the internet? Is there any purpose in stating how you feel on Facebook? Is that just inviting ridicule? Why did the guy from Sugar Ray get so mad when someone called him Sugar Gay? Isn't it obvious that homophobia is dumb obsolete bullshit?  Also, Lance shares some thoughts on parenthood. His words are heartfelt and sincere, from a new father's perspective - it could bring a tear to a statue's eye.  Our show is often ridiculous, and overflowing with shit jokes. This one's a little more serious than usual, but that's okay, we're in weird times.  Okay, now go vote. 

  • DP 106 - Get Rich or Die Crying

    DP 106 - Get Rich or Die Crying

    17/10/2020 Duration: 01h19min

    Once again, The Daddios took refuge from 2020 in Andy’s basement. They found little comfort, as they were instantly reminded of the house centipede infestation down there in the darkness. They had to talk about the current state of things - masks, the clown dictator, bugs, global pandemic, etc. Seems all bad right? Wrong! At the time of recording Lancey Boy was on the precipice of validating the title of the show -- That’s right, becoming a DAD! The first of The Daddios to become a real Daddio. Amazing.  Also, after showing up with shrimp, Collin beats his microphone like Rocky beat his meat. After a few technical difficulties, the boys get back on track. Dr. Sant joins via phone from the tip of a mountain in Colorado!  The world is pretty crazy right now, but still, there is beauty all around. We've found renewed appreciation for the small things amidst the ugliness of 2020. We hope you can too. Thanks for laughing with us. 

  • DP105 - God  The Devil Shake Hands

    DP105 - God & The Devil Shake Hands

    14/08/2020 Duration: 01h41min

    Some people are lucky enough to exit this world in a painless, non-memorable way. Some people decide to have a JO session in the closet while choking themselves. Will they get off or pay the ultimate price? Check the front page of the newspaper in Thailand to find out, it might spoil the ending of Kill Bill for you though. The thing is, it’s hard to overshadow death by auto-erotic asphyxiation, or whatever it’s called. Didn’t that happen in the movie “World’s Greatest Dad”? Idk, we can’t remember, the only thing that sticks out from that movie is Robin Williams’ bare balls in the pool.  Anyway, we gathered in the basement, masked, amidst the collapsing society around us to discuss the usual: 90’s movies, the pitfalls of social media usage, death, Mortal Kombat, our “Dear Leader”, and of course— poo poo pee pee jokes. Dr. Sant makes a physical appearance, can you believe it? After laughing about death, the Daddios ponder— are we evil? We asked the question just before the centipedes took over the basement and

  • DP104 - Forrest Gump 2

    DP104 - Forrest Gump 2

    29/06/2020 Duration: 01h39min

    Forrest Gump 2 Haley Joel Osmond stars as a simple man navigating the complexities of 2020 America. JK they should never make a sequel to Forrest Gump, it was the best movie ever made and 10/10 rational individuals agree.  Oh, yeah, we also tackle some heavy topics on this episode, many of which we are not the best voice on because we are 4 white dudes in a basement. Namely, police brutality, systemic racism, slavery, incarceration, and other cruel, racist bullshit that humanity does. We also get into some lighter topics like reincarnation, Richard Simmons, Scientology, and euthanasia by rollercoaster.  No one is static, we are always changing. It’s difficult to talk about these things, but if we’re wrong, we’re wrong. We are doing our best to learn, listen, and evolve. We hope this episode brings some insight, or some laughter to your weird ass year.  See ya next time, hopefully sooner than later. Remember, we don’t all have to agree on everything. 

  • DP103 - ☀️ Thank the Sun for Everything it Done #x1f64f

    DP103 - ☀️ Thank the Sun for Everything it Done 🙏

    14/04/2020 Duration: 01h39min

    This is a long one, but hey, you probably have some time. As you may know, we have a new studio, and our episodes sound great now! Too bad we can’t use the studio at the moment. This time we met on Zoom, and did our best to deliver whatever it is that you people want from us. This time around we were reminded that sanity rests on a thin line. How many steps removed are you from painting your walls with your own shit? Lance is almost there, but he's not gonna use his bare hands like a savage, he's got a brush.  Speaking of shit, fuck Donald Trump and his evil minions. Sadly, we dedicated some of our precious time and energy to discussing the orange clown again. The current administration's corruption and ineptitude is inseparable from our current circumstances. Please wake up if you’re still listening to that villain.  Also we would like to take this time to apologize... TO ABSOLUTELY NOBODY. Anyway, hope you and yours are safe. We'll see ya again soon. 

  • DP102 - Mummy Mommy Money

    DP102 - Mummy Mommy Money

    24/03/2020 Duration: 01h30min

    Recorded Sunday March 22 2020. Daddio Patio is not partisan or political — but we are committed to the search for truth.  First of all, during this constantly changing situation, please consult experts and reliable sources for the truth and up-to-date information regarding the pandemic. we are doing our best not to contribute to the spread of misinformation, but we also needed to talk to each other about things we have heard or read. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE PRESIDENT, he is full of shit, and has been for his entire life. Speaking of that low life piece of shit, we usually censor his name, but this time we let it ring out. His name must be heard and associated with the current state of things. Let his legacy be that he dropped the ball in the face of obvious danger, and prioritized profits, and his corrupt, inept administration over the health of the American people. He's a little orange coward who doesn’t deserve any more of our attention. Listen to medical professionals.  fact check- Kittens meow to let their m

  • DP 101 ?? -- #x1f480The Show Must Respawn#x1f525

    DP 101 ?? -- 💀The Show Must Respawn🔥

    16/03/2020 Duration: 01h09min

    Is this an episode? Is it not? Who knows. We do know that the Mummy Ride at Universal Studios is scary. We also know that Stryker was easily the worst Mortal Kombat character. Stryker was the ancestor to Paul Blart.  Anyway this episode comes to you from our new spooky basement studio, we are still working out the kinks and getting the sound right, so bear with us. If you know anything about Daddio Patio, you know that we don’t know what we are doing. We genuinely thought we were going to retire after 100, but the Pentagram summoned us and our shared subconscious forced us to make this recording.  Thanks for laughin’ with us. It’s good to be here. 

  • #x1f5e3 DP ANNOUNCEMENT #x1f92f


    16/03/2020 Duration: 07min

    Andy lays it all out there, bare and shining for the world to see. Lance gives a stranger the Mandible Claw, Dr. Sant chimes in from isolation, Peach draws a line in the sand with your blood, and Collin wears a tux tighter than an Elvis impersonator.     WE GOT SOMETHIN TO SAY

  • DP100 - Underground Wet Cowboys

    DP100 - Underground Wet Cowboys

    10/02/2020 Duration: 01h23min

    If you’ve never listened to Daddio Patio, don’t start now, this is very likely our last episode. We tuned up the band for this one and played all the hits. From public restroom humor, to philosophical questions, to observations about the modern world, to raw and unfiltered honesty, we did it all, all over again. Hey, is an above-ground pool really a pool, or is it a tub? Does it have to be in the ground to be a pool? We also did something we rarely do, we broke the 4th wall and talked about the podcast. We shared some of the memories / laughs we had making the show.    -When we started this show in 2013, the world was a different place. This podcast was just a whim that we acted upon one night. We came up with the name Daddio Patio only seconds before we started recording. At that time, our recording device was just an iPhone sitting in the middle of the table. We never imagined it would have any listeners, let alone tens of thousands of downloads from around the world. We never anticipated doing 100 episodes

  • DP99 (Part 2) - ✨ Under the Stars ✨

    DP99 (Part 2) - ✨ Under the Stars ✨

    05/11/2019 Duration: 57min

    As promised here’s part 2 of episode 99. Again, there are a lot of life events covered in this one. Every member of the original cast makes an appearance, along with many of our prized guests and loved ones. Lance goes from boy to man in this very episode! This episode slowly devolves as insanity and substances take over our minds and conversations. The grand irony of covering our real lives, and life events, is that this episode lands right back where we started, all the way back in 2013— shouting crazy ideas at each other to build a tower of ridiculous imagination, and laugh in unison. Would you eat human meat if it had Sybergs sauce on it?    Lot’s of life changes, but it’s the same as it ever was. Thanks for listening, stay tuned for episode 100, just over the horizon. We love sending our nonsense out into the airwaves, and we appreciate you  now and forever.

  • DP99 (Part 1) - Live Your Gimmick

    DP99 (Part 1) - Live Your Gimmick

    05/11/2019 Duration: 01h26min

    This time on daddio patio we cut our lives in two pieces. This was our last resort. With our show’s hosts scattering in the wind, and life events all the time, we decided to take the show on the road. Whether or not you know us personally, this episode is a montage of a few recent life events. Big Peachy Sosa had a birthday, so the first episode covers Andy and Peach living their wrestling fan gimmick lifestyle, and driving to Chicago to see wrestling shows all weekend. Collin, Dr. Sant, and Lance all make phone appearances while they’re on the road. There are more than a few cracker barrel stops, and a return to form as andy and peach sell you their favorite products between segments. Be sure to check out part 2 of this episode, as it captures friendship under the stars, Lancey boy’s bachelor party, and his wedding. Thanks for listening to Daddio Patio, we love ya. 

  • DP98 - Turtleneck Waddle Holy Hands

    DP98 - Turtleneck Waddle Holy Hands

    16/09/2019 Duration: 01h14min

    This week the boys gather early in the morning to fill their holes with coffee. They try to sell you on the Apple ecosystem and all of the goofy tech stuff you can do with it. Hey, you ever notice how tech bros have the absolute worst style? Yet they are leading the changes in humanity. Should we really trust people who can't dress themselves with any taste? Anyway, we send Dr. Sant off to the mountains in the way he would have wanted it, unceremoniously.  All of this nonsense and more on this episode. 

  • DP97 - Golden Guillotine

    DP97 - Golden Guillotine

    26/08/2019 Duration: 01h35min

    We're havin' a kick ass summer, and we hope you are too! Hey, did you know that July of 2019 was the hottest month on record, ever? Like, in all of recorded history. Good thing we have leaders that are intelligent and doing something about it. Fuck those demons.    Also, if you like nerd stuff, or nostalgia for your childhood, this episode is for you. Our regular guest Schleicher joins us, along with Skull. Skull has recently started collecting and selling old video games, you can follow him @gamethangerz   Okay, great. Btw, we are not suggesting they bring back the guillotine, but if they do, we want front row seats so we can get splashed like a Gallagher show. Love yas and thanks for listening. HAKAS

  • DP96 - Pale Pancakes #x1f475#x1f3fb

    DP96 - Pale Pancakes 👵🏻

    19/06/2019 Duration: 01h03min

    Nothing is off-limits on Daddio Patio. Guided by a Pentagram of five unique, madly curious Daddios, this show swan dives into everything hilarious and wonderful about the cosmos. Join them on a magical adventure to the holy grail of fun and friendship!

  • DP95 - Robot Peehole

    DP95 - Robot Peehole

    14/05/2019 Duration: 01h21min

    Stupidity -- we can all be stupid in different ways, we all have our shortcomings. Stupidity has no specific brand, especially in this political climate. Dumbasses on the left and right can’t stop arguing while we all have to deal with a dumbass that dumbasses elected. What’s there to do? believe Alex Jones conspiracy theories or try to out-liberal everyone on social media? Both of those options sound fuckin' stupid.  Maybe it’s time to give it all over to the robot overlords, but wait, is their perfection and precision a form of stupidity? or are we stupid for having emotions? The Daddios discuss all of this and more, but don’t end up with any real conclusions. Why? because we’re fuckin’ stupid.

  • DP94 - ¡ bAcK oN tHiS !

    DP94 - ¡ bAcK oN tHiS !

    01/04/2019 Duration: 01h13min

    An 80's movie with an unfortunate mishap, starring Robin Williams. This week we go way back, way before 23 and me DNA tests.  

  • DP93 - Watching the Wheels

    DP93 - Watching the Wheels

    04/03/2019 Duration: 01h19min

    People say we’re crazy, doin what we’re doin, but we’re back. This week, we recorded a daytime episode. Drinking coffee, staring out the window at the Cardinals playing in the midwestern snow, we couldn’t help but wonder. Do people = shit like Slipknot said? Or can we as humans aspire to whatever John Lennon imagined? Was John Lennon also a piece of shit? Is it really this simple, people being good & bad? Does a person ever reach a point at which they are completely beyond redemption? Social media would have you believe that for the smallest offense or deviation in thought, you should be ostracized from society. From politics, to boogers, this daytime episode probably has whatever you’re looking for in our shitty podcast. Thanks for listening. Three 6 Mafia forever, slob on my knob.

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