Take Charge with Ann Vertel

If you’ve ever tried to have a conversation with a teenager, you’ve experienced maximum frustration. Not being prone to volunteer information, they usually wait for adults to initiate discussions. Unfortunately, most adults just keep asking a series of questions. The more cryptic the answers, the more questions get asked. Frustrated, the adult begins to “quiz” the teenager using closed-ended questions (those that can be answered with “yes,” “no,” or “I don’t know.”) This often ends by spiraling downward until they both give up. Questions, particularly the wrong questions, can put people on the defensive. We ask questions because we want to know information, which means the other person is in a vulnerable spot. A more effective and “psychologically safe” way to have and hold a discussion with someone we truly want to engage is to make statements instead of asking questions. This gives the other person the option of responding or not without feeling interrogated. If you make a habit of using this skill, they wi