Zoe Nightingale

I recently got a hidden microphone. I had to, because in order to record myself embarrassing my amazing mother I had to be more discreet, she's "on to me" so she thinks! So after a beautiful night walking through the wintery streets of the West Village, red wine, laughter, and PG fun at the Barrow Theatre I tricked my mom and aunt into checking out "Fantasy World" the 24 hour full on sex store on West 4th. She just kept picking stuff up and showing them to me like a cat that presents a dead mouse on your doorstep, with equal amounts sheepishness and pride. She literally couldn't believe the pandoras box available to pleasure seekers. As she's recently on the dating scene, I thought it would be a good idea to get her equipped for her next J date. I love my mom, and once again I'm sorry. I promised I wasn't recording. I was lying. I love you. I'm getting you that penis jello mold for passover.

I met Pablo McFagFace, Bobby Pin, Jane Fondler and Lady Diamond at the Weribee National Park/Zoo in Melbourne Australia. I was with my friend Grant who desperately wanted to know more about how he could get to know his prostate. This one gets a little graphic I must say. All in all I ended up having quite a night with these four ladies, We were staying at the same hotel and I helped them get into their evening pool looks which may I say were exceptional. Hope to see you soon ladies, thanks for all the advice!

I don't get it. I consider myself to be a relatively educated human. I have strong opinions, I went to a bunch of schools i've read a bunch of books...BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND the art world. But then again, who am I to judge? It seems to me to be a big fixed operation where a bunch of jerk off rich assholes decide what art should be valuable just like they do in the stock market, call each other up on the iPhone 7's they already have from 43,000 feet while they eat seal carpaccio in their gulf streams and laugh like Mortimer and Randolph Duke dreaming of their Scrooge Mcduck vaults of gold and riches. All the art I loved was cheap, all the art I hated was so expensive I kept thinking it was a joke. Piles of garbage, literal animal carcasses, stuff that looked like it was made by a serial killer in an insane asylum with his own excrement. I found it really challenging. So I spent most of my art basel asking people why and how this has happened. Here's what I've learned - NOTHING. It's all just a big circle jerk

So I found myself in Melbourne Australia in the middle of a music festival at a Koala reserve because even though I recently turned thirty, I am still an overgrown child clinging on to my eucalyptus tree of youth. To make matters worse I was wandering around in a neon animal print onesie talking to Ozzy's totally munted youth (new world! means chewing face!)I saw a giant inflatable igloo with a man named Lucky Toby gaurding the door in a matching floral suit. No one was allowed to go in. It was this amazing VIIIIP igloo and all these stoned festival goers kept wanting to know what it was and the answer was invariably, you can't come. The people inside are too famous. They granted me an exclusive interview, which I was very greatful for at 7 which was three hours from when I recorded the first part of this. He was guarding Melboune's most famous unheard of supergroup, Expen$$$ive who was doing an exclusive VIP meet and greet in said bubble for their "fans." When you walked into the bubble there were three girl

Ok, part 2 of my back ally exploration of Hastings street which is one of the most dangerous, notorious streets for homeless heroin addicts in the world! So I basically draped my microphones around my shoulders and walked around and waited for the fates to weave me a beautiful complex tapestry. I must tell you that there is a dignity and honesty to the homeless that I am addicted to. I love talking to them. There's no bullshit, there's no pretense, no instagram filters, they have nothing to hide and nothing prove. During the holidays, I always find people who care to be depressed and stressed out. Running around buying scarves for family members they see once a year and have no ability to connect to anymore in a substantive way. So on today, the day before Christmas, I want to give thanks. Serious deep hardcore pray to a golden calf bloodletting thanks, to my mother. For being the most beautiful, patient, loving, thoughtful and brilliant woman I could ever imagine. How it happened that I came out of the cosmo

I don't know what it is about crack allies that i love so much. Doesn't bode well for my future or speak well of my past. More and more I am just eternally grateful for my life. It's been a really challenging year for me personally and I lost someone I love very much. Through it all, there is so much to be thankful for. My mothers smile, my dogs wet nose, moments of pure joy and deep laughter, so this holiday thanksgiving weird time where we give thanks and remember history that was blood soaked and rape infested I hope we can all take a second put down our god damn iphones and think how lucky we are to be able for just one day to live in this amazing earth.

I met these two turtleneck enthusiasts during one of my "Free Sex Advice" booths in Washington Square Park. They were two little pokemon balls of positivity and had so much jewish wool over their eyes i'm not sure if they could even see. They made me want to call my mom immidiately and apologize for being such a wayward sheep. Then subsequently have another bat mitzvah for learning so early what a bunch of absolute hooey it all is. We talked about many things but mainly their supposed "virginity" this "hymen" thing i had totally forgotten about and what would they do when this sex they waited their whole pious lives for came around and their little Larry David wanna be would cum in four seconds with his tiny little circumcised weenie. Yuck. They really made me laugh though. ENJOY

goodness gracious great balls of fire. I knew it would be a good idea to call and secretly record my mother learning that I was about to go to the Kink.com armory building home of such enterprises as boundgangbang, everything butt, public disgrace, sex and submission the list goes on and on, generally totally vicious, ferocious, feral, wild fetish world where there are literally no limits. I had met the vivacious and totally terrifying Princess Donna with my sister back at the AVN (adult video awards) in vegas last year. She is gorgeous, well educated, eloquent and a sex positive, lioness who wears her sexuality like a badge of honor. She invited me to check out behind the scenes of her directed shoot "Public Disgrace," where one woman was literally swarmed like termites on soft wet pine by a cross section of rando san fran riff raff who is able to touch, and interact with said model. It's absolutely overwhelming. I literally had to leave as soon as i was done with my interviews and they started filming. Afte

There's nothing like a festival to make you feel awesome about what you look and sound like. Fields of furry hobbit drug monsters sucking on pacifiers, pupils blown, futures questionable. Don't get me wrong, I love raving, I just can't believe what it actually looks like now...I can't tell if it's because i'm older or it's just that much more horrible. The main difference is the music was good! I also don't remember this PLUR shit (the peace love unity respect movement) at all. The music when I was a rave monster back in the day...was good! (or maybe the drugs were better? who knows) This "music" was so awful it felt like Athena was sprouting fully formed out of my head. Reporting live from Mystery Land music festival on the harrowed Woodstock Grounds in Monticello NYC. So I want to preface by saying that I had eaten some chocolate mushrooms and i spent the whole time trying not to sink into the ground. I had much, much funnier interviews but I bungled them somehow which is not surprising. But here's the best

This is an old episode I never published, but since I actually have a day job that's kicking my ass right now, i'm having a use old material. Never fear, I will be spending the whole weekend searching out the globe for weird characters to share with you! Anyway I loved this women, she looked like a bootleg Joan Jett and had the voice of mike myers in S.N.L Coffee Talk. the title says it all. All you need in life is a big dog, a pair a hose, a saint john's suit and a can of hairspray.

OH BOY OH BOY! Justin Ross Lee has graced us with his pretentious prick once more! This time this big fat dick has a voluntary muzzle on it because the Great Tin Man himself, this heartless charicature of modern jewishness has gone to Oz and found a heart in the ample bosom of one Kate Nardi queen of the Shiksas. It's actually really cute. I know everyone hates him, but the truth is he's merely a moderately clever person whose turned minimal talent into maximum profits and exposure. As a rule I never hate the player, I merely hate the world we live in in where these kinds of bullshit antics begat attention and money. He talks to us about what has happened since his time on Millionaire Matchmaker, his impending law suits, and of course his favorite topic his penis.

Happy 4/20 ya'll! This very short episode comes from a cannibus enthusiast drum circle at Venice Beach where people were just getting silly. I spoke to this seemingly yoga mom hippie dippie type who was waxing poetic about trees and hugging and incense or something but then launched into some a typical sponge bob crazy pants rants that were really confusing considering how high I was. Editors note: not my most attractive face. Also please excuse the horrible shrieking quality of my voice I was…really really stoned and it was the first time i had worn shorts in 6 months, i was a little excited.

Oh dear. Meet Mandy Morbid, an amazing spirit who has found a way to overcome extreme adversity. Afflicted with a rare genetic discorder that causes her body to basically fall apart when she stands, she has still mustered the moxy to raise above it and become a porn star. We could all learn a thing about making lemonade from the sourest lemons.

The great Harry Perry, or Kama Kosmic Krusader, a caramel skinned, ocean eyed yogic musician who has dominated the Venice boardwalk since 1964. Wearing a white turban, a bright white smile, rollarblades, hockey shin guards, and playing his well-loved, target-patterned Fender Stratocaster with a tiny "pig nose" speaker tucked into his belt. At 6'4 before the blades, he is a sight to behold. Harry can be seen in several movies including 1987 - Dragnet (Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks) 1988 - You Can't Hurry Love (Bridget Fonda, Anne Bancroft) 1988 - Greetings from L.A. 1988 - Lovestruck 1993 - Point of No Return 1992 - White Men Can't Jump 1993 - Point of No Return 2009: Tenacious D Pick of Destiny Most importantly, this man has the most amazing energy and laugh, his eyes twinkle and he's been doing what he loves and making TONS of money doing it for the last 40 years all under the California Sun.

A travesty occurred. This interview was much longer and I accidentally hit this stupid button and deleted an amazing argument about dinosaurs, homesexuality and anal sex but I was able to salvage the last end of my interactions with this lovely Jesus fanatic who stands all day every day on the Hollywood strip holding a big sign that says "Jesus Saves, Repent Your Sins" and a T shirt that said "Jesus Saves Us, I repent, Amen." He was covered in cheap prison style tattoo's and had almost demonically bright eyes that shined behind deep dark skin and a big crazy town beard. He was like a Politician who got caught having an affair, his lines were so parroted that it was literally like talking to a wall. I always have the hardest time getting non bible based responses from jesus freaks they are terrible debators factually but excellent orators and are so committed to their hooey that they always wear me down to a piece of obsidian.

Tragic. A wonderful lady who like many has come to Los Angeles to follow her dream of working as an actress. The problem is, she has yet to find work so she like many before her, has donned a disney costume and started patrolling the Hollywood strip as a sad Ariel from the Little Mermaid to make money. I met her on her first day trying this out. She was lovely, honestly, and I wish her the absolute best. She had blue glitter eyeliner that looked like it was drawn on by a five year old, purple glitter fake eyelashes and a custom made tail that was ill-fitting and accentuated all her wrong curves. I just wanted to wash her face, rip off her seashells and put some clothes on her. She gave me a hint of her acting skills with a minute long monologue that she gives whenever she goes on castings. That acting bug is a cruel and capricious mistress.

In case you were pissed off today when Starbucks guy gave you 2 percent instead of soy, or your 4G was slow, your TIVO didn't record your favorite show, the train was late or your flight delayed... Raven is here to give you and your "problems" a much needed reality check. From her miserable childhood which lead her calling the police on her family to only then be shuffled through a litany of terrible foster parents to her years living off the streets and riding freight trains to addiction to teen motherhood, her life has been like a thriller staring Morgan Freeman and Jodie Foster. She stands tall and proud in the face of almost insurmountable abuse and neglect and made me feel an rush of gratitude for my family arguably perfect childhood. Settle in, kick your feet up and immerse yourself in the movie that is Raven her life and her triumph. Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came

I swear this guy might be Bob Dylan. The sound of his voice is epic, melodious and perfectly sums up the sound of the streets of California. I don't spend alot of time out in the wild west but every time I go I am floored at the characters that have sprouted up along the streets on on their perfect beaches. The warm weather lends itself to the creme de la creme of crazies and I spent a full day sitting and just listening to the songs they had to sing. So here we have Paul, a heroin addicted felon who was incarcerated for 20 years living on the boardwalk in Venice. Surrounded by cheeky signs asking for drugs, sex, and money he was drinking a cocktail so foul it was an epic battle to just sit next to him. He smelled like 20 years of sadness. He had deep tourquoise eyes, made even brighter by the lightning bolts of red that shot straight into his pupil. He lost his wife, his son, and his only family his daughter won't speak to him. He's got an ant farm of needle tracks criss crossing his tatted arms but he had t

what on earth can i even say anymore. Every single women at the dog show wants to look like an old apple computer, archaic, old, boxy, thick and absolutlely SEXLESS. This is a woman who wears a piece of filet mignon on her arm...

. Coming from small catholic towns....rebels with a cause. Beautiful, smart and funny I wanted to just shake them and scream YOU HAVE SO many options. They assured me that this wouldn't be their career for long.. that they will one day hang up their v's and own their own line of toys, and production company and be directors instead. I tried to tell them perhaps they were too young to understand the severity of their actions and that perhaps staring in incest porn wouldn't be something they would want on their linked in profile in the future, they were non plussed. I hope desperately that this industry isn't going to devour them and leave them like a armadillo carcass for the vultures on the side of the highway.