Below The Bible Belt

“Here's to another lousy millennium”- Phillip J. Fry Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys decide that THIS is the year, as they start 2015 off with a bum knee, a dungeon full of VHS tapes, and the perfect peanut butter-to-jelly ratio. Resolve to do better next time, as James gets academic apathy, Matt looks for love in all the wrong apps, and the two get to the bottom of another Midnight Detective Johnson mystery. I HAVE A RIGHT TO WALK THROUGH HUMAN EXCRIMENT. DON'T TREAD ON ME.     LINKS: This is the only Mountain Goats cover you will ever need to hear. Watch the whole thing. It is beautiful.

“One has a moral obligation to disobey unjust laws.”- The Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys ring in Twenty-Oh-One-Five the only way they know how: by thumbing their nose at the laws of God and man! Listen as James dodges enlightenment on the dog treats aisle, defends Black Friday with his blood, and spends the Rapture sitting happily on the fence. Double-listen as Matt gets the 3 AM phone call this entire podcast has been building to, mocks the educational system he hopes to one day join, and tells us about the second-most terrifying hostage situation he's even been a part of. Then triple-listen as a personal mas sager once again drives two siblings to the brink of madness... and beyond. I BET HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE DUCK DYNASTY!     LINKS: The game is actually called "Altered Beast", not "Lord of Beasts", but I assure you it is EXACTLY as I described. Heidi Creamer Suspected Of Assaulting Twin Sister Over Sex Toy, Boyfriend

“To succeed in this world, you have to change all the time.”- Sam Walton Download Here, if ya please In which the boys once again welcome their not-so-special guest Alex "MB" Koch, who delights and enrages them with word of his harrowing escape from The House of Low Prices. What did he want with a motorcycle helmet?! Why the water noodle?! Why were the callgirls dressed as Batman?! Who will stop the rampage of Money MB?! And then Matt writes a history paper on a schizophrenic ventriloquist. MATT JENSEN: THE LAST MOUNTAIN MAN! COMING SOON TO A BOOKS-A-MILLION NEAR YOU. NOTE: Yeah, this episode's audio quality is for shit, but we were forced to use a back-up recording after a corruption in the main file replaced all of James's audio with an endless loop of high-pitched farting noises. That is not a joke. No. Really.    

"I aim to misbehave."- Captain Malcolm Reynolds Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys soil their family names and TP their reputations, as they get talk about two or three times they've actually misbehaved. Matt defiles his body with a memento of his beloved, James enters into a dark compact with a Child of The Nile, and the two spend entirely too much time recalling Not Another Teen Movie. SHOOT SHOOT. KISS KISS. WHITE WHITE. VOTE FOR ME.     Links: Tissuegate Part One Part Two Part Three Enter: Big Luther His Nemesis Enter: Hubbard The final reveal The gauntlet has been thrown down

"I got all the answers to your questions. I'll be the teacher, you can be the lesson"- Aloe Blacc Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys register themselves as sovereign nations and don't need their Moms telling them what to do, as they declare this day their Independence Day. Salute Matt as he drops the mic in History class, suffers the cruel tutelage of Professor PJ, and gets caught up in Dollar General intrigue with a dame to kill for, Meanwhile, James once again stumbles onto a dark conspiracy, involving shoes, wizards, Elvis, a possum, and a deep-fried minimum wage harem, as he struggles to answer the most elusive question of all... who REALLY knows what's going on? ATTENTION SHOPPERS: HE CAN TUNE. I REPEAT, WE HAVE ONE WHO CAN TUNE. "The Man" copyright 2013 Aloe Blacc Recording, Inc.    Links: How the handi-capable have fallen.

"The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you." - Leviticus 19:34 Download Here, if ya please In which one of the good ol' boys is laid up with some bullshit, leaving the g'day boy to pick up the burden, as James welcomes Matt Fuss back to the show as his special guest-host. After binging on season one of House of Cardboard, Aussie Matt tells tales of his journey to the Americas, the accursed voyage of decadence that nearly did him in, the strange sights and sounds awaiting travelers at The Carrot Top Cave, the dark secret of the Epcot Center, and the cleanest pair of dog balls there ever was. JUST KEEP SHOUTING AND WAVING YOUR ARMS. HIS ACCENT WILL FEEL THREATENED AND RETREAT. "Immigrant Song" from "Whole Lotta Blugrass: A Bluegrass Tribute to Led Zepplin", copyright Iron Horse, 2005 "Vegemite (The Black Death)" copyright Amanda Palmer, 2011    Links: The Bacon Bowl. Well, we had a good run, Planet Earth.

"For the protection of wisdom is like the protection of money, and the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom preserves the life of him who has it." - Ecclesiastes 7:12 Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys throw on their mortarboards and inhale a lung-full of chalk dust, as they reminisce on their long-forgotten days in the public education system. Matt steps off his high horse of low prices long enough to stand idly by while the Dollar General Response Team performs a heroic rescue, James struggles to save a child from the grip of his dopplecreeper, and the two men are left forever shaken by a bond they never knew they had. SO THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE... WHEN DOVES CRY.    

Download Here, if ya please And then this happened.    

"Let me take you on a journey through my memory palace... "- The Book of Cody 4:6 Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys aren't rid of their special guest yet, as they brace themselves for the encroaching amphibian onslaught with more Tales of Cody. Be sure to stay in line as you're taken on a guided tour through the most wretched domicile imaginable, a place where the laws of God and Man cease to exist, sinister St. Nicks lurk at every corner, and mason jars appear and disappear when they see fit. Will Cody learn to trust the fungus? What secret does the M.O.D.O.K. mug still hold? What REALLY happened to Sinbad's career? Some of these questions and more are answered in part two of the weirdest BtBB ever. HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLASE' ABOUT A BAG OF MANNEQUIN HEADS?!    Links: ... it's a really good movie.

"We appointed him an angel, We indeed would have made him a man, and We would have certainly caused them confusion in a matter which they have already covered with confusion "- The Quran, Surat Al-'An`ām, 6:3 Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys welcome a very special guest to the show: A dark secret from James's past, a traveler from the distant land of Wisconsin, the last son of the Alft tribe, the #2 fan of President #11, the Frogmaster himself, Cody Alft. Furrow your brow in confusion as The Strange One befuddles our hosts with tales of the WereMcConaughey, runs an illicit smuggling operation at Summer Camp with tragic consequences, goes on an epic, cancerous journey for a smoking jacket, and reveals how our show saved his life, before our show immediately tries to kill him. Then there's the penny story. CURSE THIS M.O.D.O.K. MUG! NOTE: Cody recorded this episode while phasing between Earth and his home plane of Dimension-F, so instead of leaving a potentially awkward silence,

Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys discover that I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, they are dudes, our ancestors are dudes, our descendants are dudes, we are all forever dudes in the flat circle of eternity, for today they are watching the philosophical sojourn of Keanan and Kel's Good Burger. WHYYY, GOD? WHY? WHY MUST SINBAD BE FORSAKEN?     Links: Relive your childhood through the magic of Netflix!

Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys discover they're part of a larger network... THERE WAS TOTALLY AN "ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK" MOVIE. REALLY. LOOK IT UP IT'S AWESOME.    

Download Here, if ya please Tonight for one commentary only: James "Steve" Lewis, Matt "Carl" Johnson, and T "Timothy" Money, facing off against Heaven's Demons and the Satanic Wrestling Alliance in a battle-royal of South Carolinian proportions! Judge who is Most Christly as you watch Wrestling For Jesus: The Tale of T-Money, an epic journey of faith, redemption, and lice combs. HE'S CRUCIFIED! HE'S CRUCIFIED! SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH! And for bonus stupidity, make sure you watch this one with the subtitles on! - Jammin' James     Links: Watch the full movie through the magic of Netflix!

Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. - Genesis 28: 15 Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys are cast out of their homeland and forced to march down an arduous path to their other homeland, as the Johnson Family Migration reaches its conclusion. Matt sticks his nose too far into shady dealings at the local Five & Dime, James finds himself strung out, betrayed, and Catfished on two mutually exclusive occasions, and a once-in-a-lifetime offer leaves both speechless and afraid, as the tale of Shadow James erotically unfolds. Just who is the prettiest man is Alabama? The answer will SHOCK you. HEY BUDDY. WHAT UP? WHAT UP? WHAT UP? WHAT UP? WHAT UP? NOTE: The audio for this episode is some bullshit. We hang our hats in shame for this aural failure, and promise to make to up to 'ya.    

"Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud" - James 5:4 Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys assemble the trinity once more, as Alex "MB" Koch joins Matt "Teach" Johnson, and James "Gamer Girl" Lewis, for a return to the most treacherous waters known to modern man: the job market! Fill out your resumes as James escapes from The GameStop on the Edge of Forever, Alex is targeted by Nature after seeing too much, and Matt begins the journey of a thousand miles with a single click. How many times can they interrupt Alex's story? How handsome must a man become to be above the law? Just how exactly does a one-armed man fish?! HERE LIES COOTCHIE-BUG, FATHER OF TIMBO (NOT TOMBO)     Links: Georgia Man Too Handsome To Be A Criminal

Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys set fire to their stills and sweet-talk some sexy furniture, as they watch the hicksploitation inspiration for The Dukes of Hazzard, Moonshiners! DO YOU WANT US TO MAKE BABY BOTTLES? WE'RE BOSS HOGGS, BOBBY LEE.    Links: Watch the full movie through the magic of Youtube! And check this dude's book! Why not?

"The LORD hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet"- Nahum 1:3 Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys are waylayed by romance and technical difficulties, as they attempt to discuss SnowmageddonPocalypseGauntlet 2014, before being interrupted by genealogical revelations, illogical grocery lists, and even more technical difficulties. Matt reveals his secret fetish, James is devastated by a dearth of perspiration, and they both say goodbye to a dropper of bombs and funky lyrics. CURSE YOU, POEHLER VORTEX     Links: The Jiggy Jihad is over

Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys lay down some beats to save their rec center, and hit every costume shop in town along the way. Join James "Boogaloo Shrimp" Lewis, and Matt "Matty Nice/Shabba-Doo/Sam Firstenberg" Johnson, as they watch Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo! TURBO, NO! WHO WILL DROP FUNKY FRESH NOW?     Links: Watch the full movie through the magic of Veoh!

"He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness" Deuteronomy 32:10. Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys throw off the shackles of American tyranny, throw another shrimp on the barbie, and throw on some extra-protective sunscreen to prepare for a journey to the radioactive waste of Australia. BTBB super-fan Matt Fuss join the boys to talk about his native land of 'Stralia. James butchers pronunciation while Matt tries to blow it out his clacker. With their magic guide, they learn the proper way to throw a boomerang, proper C-word etiquette, and the proper location for the next Dredd film. And a bonus! This show is also a tale of two Matts and two Jameses! While past Matt and James talk to Australian Matt through the magic of time travel, present day Matt and Replicon James carry on sexy banter and swap knowledge before humbling themselves before the one true God. ALL HAIL OVERLORD OPRAH!    

"A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back" - Proverbs 29: 11 Download Here, if ya please In which the good ol' boys get their longjohns in a bunch, as they wag their fingers at the subject of outrage. Be filled with rightous indignation as they give the gift of moonshine, debate what, exactly, constitutes Gay Christmas, and struggle to uncover the mysteries of Jack Nicholson's house. James reveals the secrets of Dook Protocol Alpha, Matt wages war against Obama Bulbs, and the two vow to boycott Facebook at the behest of a wild man. WE GONE SQUATCHIN'     Links: Surprise! Dumping Facebook