Dialogue On Divorce

Getting back into the dating scene after a divorce can be challenging, especially if you never dreamed you’d be looking for love on an app. How do you write a compelling bio? How do you choose pictures that will lead to quality matches? What do you wear on a date, especially if your style hasn’t changed in years? Where can you go for help navigating the online dating process? Alyssa Dineen is the founder of Style My Profile, a consulting agency that helps clients improve their online dating profiles with the support of a professional stylist. Style My Profile is a first-of-its-kind service, offering profile help, wardrobe consultation, and photography packages. Alyssa has 20 years of experience in the fashion industry and serves as a freelance stylist for national publications including Glamour and Real Simple. Today, Alyssa joins Katherine to explain how her own experience with online dating inspired the creation of Style My Profile. She shares her professional advice around writing a compelling bio, selec

Divorce forces us to forge a new identity. Like it or not, life is different now, and we can either fight the change or accept and adapt to a new reality. Best case scenario, we use the crisis as an opportunity to change for the better, making decisions about what we value and focusing on our health and spiritual growth. We can leverage the divorce process to become fully ourselves—and fully ALIVE! Anne-Louise DePalo is a New York attorney with 30-plus years of experience in the realm of divorce and family law. She is a certified mediator, parent coordinator, spiritual director and collaborative divorce advocate. Ann-Louise is also a founding member of the Staten Island Collaborative Law Group and the author of Divorce: Now What? How to Survive, Thrive and Become Fully Alive Through the Divorce Process. Today, Anne-Louise joins Katherine to explain how helping people understand their options inspired her to write Divorce: Now What? She walks us through the benefits of the collaborative process, including it

Divorce settlements are often compared with business deals. But the analogy falls apart when you consider that business deals give you the option to walk away. Perhaps a better parallel is that of a hostage negotiation, where you have no choice but to work with the other side. And in both cases, approaching the negotiation with respect—despite your very different point of view—is the most beneficial strategy. Chris Voss is the founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group, a professional development and consulting firm that provides training and advises Fortune 500 companies through complex negotiations. A 24-year veteran of the FBI, Chris is one of the top authorities on international crisis and high-stakes negotiations, lecturing at business schools across the US and appearing on ABC, CBS and CNN, among many other national media outlets. He is also the author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as If Your Life Depended On It. Today, Chris joins Katherine to discuss the parallels between hostage and di

Let’s face it: We are emotionally attached to our stuff. During major life transitions like divorce, downsizing, or dealing with a death in the family, that attachment is exacerbated by the emotional upheaval that accompanies change. How can a professional organizer help you learn to ‘treasure hunt’ rather than just keep things for the sake of keeping them? And how do you design a space to support the person you are becoming in the aftermath of these key life transitions? Janine Sarna-Jones is the founder and president of Organize Me Inc., a firm that offers moving and relocation, hands-on organizing and estate clearance services. She has been helping people get organized at home and at work for 26 years, and her client roster includes corporate executives, small business owners, moms, artists and nonprofit organizations. Janine is a member of the inaugural class of Certified Professional Organizers, and she has been featured on radio, in print and online as a member of Parenting magazine’s Mom Squad. Toda

In the midst of difficult life transitions like divorce, it is human nature to reach extreme, self-defeating conclusions: I’m incapable of love! All men are sociopaths! The world is unspeakably cruel! How can we take a closer look at what happened in our relationship and expand the narrative to something a little more nuanced, a little more balanced, a little closer to the truth? One strategy that works is to tell the story of your divorce in writing. Steve Friedman is the award-winning author of seven books, and his essays on relationships have appeared in anthologies like Modern Love and The Bastard on the Couch. Steve’s work has appeared in a number of national publications, including Esquire, GQ and The Washington Post, and he was the writer of the first Modern Love column in The New York Times. Steve teaches the popular writing course Divorce, Breakups and New Beginnings: Telling Your Story through the organization UNtied. Today, Steve joins Katherine to discuss how writing helps people make difficult

Divorce is never easy on the kids involved, but the process can be particularly fraught for teenagers. How does divorce impact teens differently than younger children? What is the best way to customize a parenting plan for teens? And how can you support teens in adapting to a new, blended family? Barbara Rothberg, DSW, LCSW, has 35-plus years of experience helping clients resolve conflicts and navigate transitions in their lives. In her role as a divorce coach and child specialist, Barbara helps families customize solutions that emphasize the best interest of the child. She often serves as a mediator or family specialist in the collaborative divorce setting, and Barbara’s work as a parent coordinator allows her to support separated parents in becoming good co-parents to their children. Today, Barbara joins Katherine to explain how divorce impacts a teen’s growing autonomy and offers insight around designing a parenting plan for older children. She describes how teens think about blended families, discussing

Once you have made the difficult decision to divorce, a sense of urgency sets in. You want to get through the painful process as quickly as possible. Yet it is unwise to make snap decisions when you’re under that kind of emotional stress. How do you give yourself time to process what is going on? How do you define your non-negotiables and use them to reclaim a sense of control? And how do you find the right professionals to guide you through the divorce process? Sonia Queralt is a former divorce litigator and founder of Divorceify, an online platform designed to help clients take a holistic approach to divorce. The site employs machine learning to match people in all stages of the process with vetted professionals and resources customized to their specific needs. A former divorce attorney, Sonia founded Divorceify in 2015 to offer divorce consumers the technology and tools to navigate the process efficiently and with confidence. Today, Sonia joins Katherine to explain how her background as a divorce litiga

Most people dealing with divorce feel isolated and alone. It’s challenging to find people who really understand what you’re going through and attending events around the divorce process can prove embarrassing. So, where can you go to learn about your options, get recommendations for trusted professionals and connect with other people who truly empathize with your situation? Where can you find a safe, supportive community that will help you find a new life on the other side of divorce? Deanna Coyle is the founder of Vesta: Redefining Divorce, an organization that seeks to educate, connect and empower people through the divorce process. Deanna is a former Wall Street securities analyst who went through her own emotionally and financially draining divorce, and now she is on a mission to help others transform this challenging life transition into an opportunity for growth. Vesta offers complimentary consultations with legal and financial professionals as well as educational and social events. In five years, Vest

Divorce is a difficult, painful process. But at the end of the day, people pursue divorce because they want to be happier and improve their lives. The experience CAN afford you the opportunity to look inward, rediscover yourself and architect a better future—if you approach divorce in a mindful, non-toxic way. Gabrielle Hartley is committed to helping couples divorce with dignity and ease. Gabrielle has 20-plus years of experience as a divorce attorney and mediator, and in that time, she has developed a unique approach to the process that supports clients in designing a healthy post-divorce life. Gabrielle is also the coauthor of Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate. Today, Gabrielle joins Katherine to share the philosophy behind Better Apart and offer insight around her intention to help divorcing couples gain clarity. She describes several practical strategies you can use to remain mindful and practice active self-care during the divorce process and discusses how to choose an attorney tha

A divorce is a divorce is a divorce. And yet, there is a different layer of complication when divorce involves high net worth individuals. Whether the wealth came from an inheritance or wages earned during the marriage, there is a strong emotional charge involved as the divorcing couple sorts out who is entitled to what. Michelle Smith is one of the most sought-after divorce financial specialists in the country. As the founder and CEO of Smith FSG, she is dedicated to providing clients with guidance and expertise as they determine the best path forward through the divorce process. Michelle has 25-plus years of experience in the field, and she is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Divorce Mediator. Michelle is a regular contributor to national media and coauthor of Divorce & Your Finances. Today, Michelle joins Katherine to discuss what constitutes a high net worth divorce and the layers of complication involved. She speaks to the nuances of a divorce involving generational wealth versus wealth earne

Over the last 40 years, marriage has evolved from an institution based on strict gender roles and specialization to a connection based on friendship and shared interests. Our expectations of marriage have shifted as well, the standards for intimacy rising along with the need to negotiate shared responsibilities. So, how can couples best navigate these new rules? And how does this transition impact societal attitudes toward divorce? Stephanie Coontz is an author and educator in the field of marriage and gender relationships. She teaches history and family studies at The Evergreen State College and serves as Director of the Council on Contemporary Families (CCF). Stephanie has written seven books and published dozens of articles in scholarly journals and popular media, including The New York Times and the Journal of Marriage and Family, among many other publications. She has been honored with The Families & Work Institute’s Work-Life Legacy Award and CCF’s Visionary Leadership Award. Today, Stephanie joins Ka

Our cultural vision of divorce court is very different from reality. We fantasize about justice and imagine that the judge will take our side. But the truth of the matter is that most cases settle, and in those that do make it to trial, the judgement has little to do with who is morally right. So, if trial decisions are an urban myth, what does divorce really look like? Jacqueline Newman is a matrimonial law expert and divorce attorney based in New York City. As the managing partner of Berkman Bottger Newman & Rodd, a top-tier Manhattan firm, her practice consists of litigation, collaborative law and mediation. Jacqueline provides expert legal commentary for national media outlets, including ABC, NBC and FOX, and her work has appeared in numerous publications such as US News & World Report, Business Insider and The Huffington Post. Jacqueline is the author of Soon-to-Be Ex and Soon-to-Be Ex for Men, and she has been named one of Thompson Reuters New York-Metro Super Lawyers Top 50 Women Attorneys for five ye

Divorce is a heart-wrenching process, but it is also an opportunity. Healing from the heartbreak affords you a new beginning, a chance to reconnect with who you are and what’s important to you. Sara Woodard is the architect of The HeartFull Journey, a platform designed to help you reconnect with yourself in the aftermath of divorce. Sara has compiled the tools and resources she created during her own divorce journey, and her blog, online course and workbooks serve to support others in regaining their confidence and remembering that they are worthy of love. Today, Sara joins Katherine to share the tools she developed to work through her divorce, explaining the ‘heart-full journey’ she took to reconnect with herself. She describes the value in developing scripted responses to bad advice, sharing the language she used to take her power back. Sara and Katherine discuss the challenge of trusting your gut after a divorce and the importance of reconnecting to your inner voice in the context of dating. Listen in

The heightened emotions that come with divorce often lead to impulsive action. The brain shuts down and couples jump into litigation without considering the consequences—or the alternatives. But the court system takes their power away and hands all of the decisions over to a judge, and at the end of the day, everybody loses. How can we reestablish communication between these couples, empowering them to make decisions on their own? Linda Schoonover Carley is a former family, dependency and juvenile judge with more than thirty years of experience as a judge, attorney and mediator. She is also the author of Divorce Made Simple, a no-nonsense guide that demonstrates her practical, holistic approach to avoiding the chaos of the court system. An Amazon Best Selling author and award-winning speaker, Linda uses storytelling to illustrate her passion for children and justice. Today, Linda joins Katherine to discuss how couples make impulsive decisions around divorce without a clear understanding of the consequences.

Holding on to bitterness and resentment is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die. It is so much easier to blame someone who has caused you pain than it is to own your part in it and develop compassion for the hurt they are feeling—particularly in the case of divorce. But if you have the courage to open yourself up to another person’s pain, it is possible to heal and grow in your capacity for empathy and understanding. Neelama Eyres and Michael Schiesser are the co-founders of the Inner Journey Institute. Since 1999, the pair has facilitated the personal, professional and spiritual transformation of thousands of people. Michael and Neelama were married in 2002 and their son, Kai, was born in 2004. But in 2006, their marriage came to an abrupt end, and they began a transformational journey of their own. After an intense two-year process, Neelama and Michael established a loving friendship and a dedication to co-parenting their son. That journey became the blueprint for their Healing Div

If you’re reading this, you are likely familiar with the first stage of the divorce process, the stage Liza Caldwell identifies as Something is Wrong. The problem with stage one is that you can get stuck there, lost in a vicious cycle with your own thoughts. How do you move forward? Where can you go for support in taking action? And what resources are available to help you reinvent yourself once the divorce is final? Liza Caldwell is the co-founder and director of SAS for Women: Support and Solutions for Thriving Beyond Divorce, an organization that provides resources and coaching for women who are considering, in the process of, or recovering from divorce. Liza earned her MA in gender and leadership development from Columbia University’s Teachers College, and she is a certified professional coach trained through Leadership That Works. Today, Liza joins Katherine to explain how she came to co-found SAS for Women. She shares the four-stage divorce roadmap that SAS uses to help women manage their expectations

If you divorced someone with a high-conflict personality, you may be concerned about repeating the same cycle in your next partnership. What steps can you take to reflect on the dynamics of your relationships and develop radar for people with high-conflict personalities? An international expert on managing disputes involving high-conflict personalities, Bill Eddy is the co-founder and Training Director of the High Conflict Institute. In addition, he is a Certified Family Law Specialist and Senior Family Mediator with the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego. Bill has written several books, including Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to ‘The One’ Who Will Make Your Life Hell and 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities. Today, Bill joins Katherine to share the four warning signs for people with high-conflict personalities. He explains how high-conflict people can jam your radar with fake compatibility

If you are the targeted parent in a case of parental alienation, it is easy to default to defensiveness. But responding with righteous indignation is actually counterproductive, making you look anxious, agitated and afraid. So, how can you approach the situation in a constructive way that won’t further alienate your child—or the custody evaluator assigned to your case? Dr. Amy J. L. Baker is a nationally recognized expert in parental alienation and the emotional abuse of children. She has written more than 115 publications including eight books on the topic of parent-child relationships, children of divorce and parental alienation syndrome. Dr. Baker serves as an expert witness and coaches parents dealing with alienated children and alienating co-parents. She is also the Director of Research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child Protection. Dr. Baker holds a PhD in Developmental Psychology from Teachers College of Columbia University. Today, Dr. Baker joins Katherine to discuss the ins and outs of pare

How do you approach challenging situations? The coaching model popular in the business world takes a strengths-based approach, leveraging what employees are good at to tackle complex problems. What if we used a similar strategy as parents, leading with our strengths in difficult circumstances? What if we approached the divorce process the same way, tapping into our best attributes first as we work toward resolution? Gloria DeGaetano is the founder and CEO of the Parent Coaching Institute and Parent Coach International. An acclaimed educator, author and speaker, she originated parent coaching as a discipline 18 years ago. Today, the PCI Coaching Model and its affiliated certification program are used in 20 countries around the world. Gloria’s innovative work in parent coaching has appeared in Newsweek, Parents Magazine and The New York Times, among many other publications, and she has appeared on The Today Show and NPR’s Fresh Air. On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Gloria joins Katherine to explain how s

Divorce is a painful process that comes with some very strong emotions. Yet in order to avoid a toxic situation that puts your kids in the middle, divorcing couples must find safe spaces to express their anger and grief. Susan Bernardo found healing in writing workshops, art and dance classes, using creativity to work through the sadness, pick up the pieces and build something new. In fact, Susan’s experience with divorce inspired her first picture book, Sun Kisses, Moon Hugs, which reassures kids that love is forever, even if you are physically separated from the ones you love. Her sophomore effort was a collaboration with LeVar Burton to help kids cope with traumatic events, The Rhino Who Swallowed a Storm. Since then, she has published a third picture book, The Big Adventures of Tiny House, and her debut YA novel, Inspired. Today, Susan sits down with Katherine to explain how creative channels allowed her to process the grief she was feeling and how she went about reestablishing her identity as an indivi