Delight Your Marriage

In approaching the new year, I invite you to rewind your calendar and consider...your marital performance in 2023. What if I asked your spouse what it was like being married to YOU this past year? Yikes! If my spouse chose to be fully open and honest I think I'd have plenty of... ehemmm... "growth-opportunities". :)   Seriously though... feel free to go back through your calendar and check out what your priorities were throughout the year. Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. What was it like being married to YOU?   If marriage is your first human assignment, was that reflected in... How you spent your time? How you spoke/listened to them? How you spent your energy?   How you loved them the way he or she receives love?   Assume you're looking at your year through your spouse's eyes. What were your challenges of the year? What were the things you should celebrate?   Now that you have thought through that... We all know marriages are under attack, so what are you doing about it in your own home? You want i

As we are soon gathering together with loved ones to celebrate the Savior's birth, I would love for you to remember what life is all about.  When we meet Jesus face to face, what do we want to be true of us? In today's episode, I walk you through a meditation I did with our men's graduate group a couple of months ago.  It is really meant to give you a chance to consider eternity. What is Christmas really about?  It's about Jesus. And are we living in light of His life, will and ultimate sacrifice.  I invite you to listen in and gain more insight into what you want that day to be. Because we are Delight Your Marriage we focus a lot on that relationship, but I think it is relevant for many relationships. Love,  Belah PS - Maybe you're considering launching into a healing season for your marriage in the New Year -- if so, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - A recent lady graduate:  "Years ago I prayed to God for a short life. I didn't want to break my marriage vow, but I didn't se

It's hard to discern (or even admit) if we are obsessed.  So here's the definition:  "an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind." Is your marriage an obsession?  Or is God's will an obsession? (And your marriage is an important part of God's will for you.) I encourage you to consider what God's will is for you in this next season. It's all about priorities.  If God is your first priority then everything else falls underneath.  He puts all of our lives into perspective.  Marriage shouldn't put all of our lives in perspective. It must be God first, then we can rightly serve our spouse well. I want to invite you to rightly obsess over God's will and put marriage in its proper place so that it's healed and somewhat on "autopilot" so you can get on with God's will for your life.  Listen in to understand more about what this means for you. (I have an exciting announcement included in our conversation today, I'd love for you to hear it!)  Love,  Belah PS - If you're in a really h

After 33 years of marriage, they were disconnected.  At that point, they were sleeping in separate bedrooms.  Maybe you're at a spot where it's hard to have hope because it has been SO hard for SO long.  Jacques is here to say, even when only you do the work, it can change.  Glory to God.  Blessings, Belah PS - Could your marriage be one of the next ones to transform? Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. You don't have to, but what if you do?   Quote from a client... Before the program: "My biggest struggle coming into MR was openness with my wife about what I was thinking and feeling and fear of asking her about what was going on in her life. I had just come out of therapy for my addiction of lust and porn and trust was a big issue. I wanted her to know that she was the only one for me and I didn't know how to do that. I knew our marriage could be so much more but didn't know how to make that happen. It was a constant weight on me that made my everyday life like walking around on eggsh

You may wonder when God is going to show up in your life.   In your situation.    In your marriage.    You may believe in God but don’t feel His love for you, or at least haven’t for a long time.    Maybe you felt His love for you at first, and that is what brought you to give your life to Jesus, but slowly, things have really gotten stale.    Maybe like your marriage.    It was great at first. But slowly other loves entered the picture. Children. Careers. Commitments. Current events. Costs. Culture. Cars. Curtains. (Other things that also start with “C”. :)   Ultimately, our job is to sacrifice for our priorities.    God.  Spouse. Kids. Everything else.   If you’re not sacrificing for each (in that order), then it makes sense that you’re not feeling the love from them.    I encourage you to listen with a curious heart attuned to what the Lord may be drawing you to.   Blessings, Belah   PS - If you’d like our help with your marriage, your first step is a Clarity Call (a free gift from us) delightyourmarriage.

Tomorrow is the day (in the US) we set aside to be grateful.   Or it’s a day we set aside to get frustrated with family, binge eat, and watch football.   Just kidding.   I invite you to do Thanksgiving this year, Jesus way.   Let’s allow peace, joy, and thanksgiving being the most important aspects of this holiday.   Everything else is after those.   Let’s be intentional to not allow wounds of the past (even from yesterday) to rob our kids or extended family of the opportunity to see how Jesus followers love each other. Whether they deserve it or not.   I want to just encourage you to do a few things if your marriage is tense right now.   Take 100% ownership to turn it to thanksgiving. Here are some very basic and very practical steps.   Love, Belah     PS - If you’d like our help to turn your marriage around, we’re here for you. Your first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Randy felt lonely, disconnected, and that his wife cared about everything and everyone else more than his wife. He was a strong believer and prayed for change in his marriage. He stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage through podcast searching and found something that seemed right. He and his wife really dug into the material. And it did start to make sense. Sadly, they were again up at 3 am and both very frustrated and hurting. She decided to make the free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc And ultimately, they both chose to do the work together.  As a natural skeptic and somewhat pessimistic he was concerned whether it was... 1- Going to work for them. 2- Whether it had a cult-like vibe.  I think he was wise to consider this. But he assures you on this episode that it wasn't like that at all.  Our goal is marriage transformed so they can continued doing the work of the Kingdom even better.  Randy shares about how they are adoptive parents. Such important work requires a healthy marriage to love well.  I'

Dads, When it comes to fatherhood, do you feel at times like you don't know what you're doing?  At times, does the chaos and frustration of it all feel like you're left to solve a very difficult puzzle without directions? Dr. Don is here to tell you, "Every dad CAN win". He's been there. His wife, the "Relationship Ninja", Suzanne wants you to know that you are handpicked by God for  this.  For fatherhood.  For your children. You can do this.   Early on in his family life, Don felt like parenting was more like solving a Rubix cube with no instructions. Over the years of raising a family of 7 kids and gaining insights from other experts, they've discovered family comes down to 2 words:  a- relationships  and  b- culture  Don says, if you build your family right on the inside, then you can tackle anything that happens on the outside. They invite you to constantly ask the question: How can I connect to my child today? Words, time, & creating experiences and memories are all examples of how to connect. I spec

When I was first with my (now) husband he showed me my value.  Value I didn't know I had. Worth I didn't know I was. He taught me how precious my heart was. He taught me how precious my body was. God loved me through my husband. God healed me through my husband. I remember on our first date I told him that I had never felt safer in my whole life. I felt completely respected and honored by this man. I felt like he would protect me from anything and everything (even from himself). Unassuming. Tender. Kind. And when I read the scriptures, I see that is what Jesus is to women. He is kind. He is loving. He doesn't speak to them harshly. He is moved by compassion when they cry. Seriously. Take a minute and think. Is there ever a time that Jesus is harsh to women? Even when he tenderly corrects Martha, it is in protecting Mary (a woman who had the gall to value herself enough to learn from the great Rabbi). I invite you to explore with me how Jesus treated women. Men if you have never learn

Solomon. The wisest man in the whole world. Ever. Fell to sex.  David. The man after God's own heart. Fell to sex. Samson. The real-life superhero. Fell to sex. Falling to sex is something men have done for a long time... AND each was severely punished. 1 Cor 10:8 We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did—and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died...  These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us... 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted d beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. For your own sake (much less for the sake of everyone who knows you follow Jesus) get humble. Humble yourself while the monster is one inch tall. Confess the internet search, the extended browsing, the questionable conversation, the ________

Today's story is by a wonderful man who needed help to receive the intimacy he was really hoping for.    As a person who believed in Jesus and was serious about the Word of God, the lack of intimacy in his marriage was not something he was willing to find a sinful outlet for. Instead, he had heard of Delight Your Marriage and began listening to the podcast. After listening for several years, he decided to sign up for the men’s program when it began to be offered.  The first time he went through the 3-month program, he learned, implemented, and saw results!  He saw some great changes in his marriage. But after a year, he realized it wasn't enough.  So, he did it again...    I invite you to hear what his changes have been this time around, after he had a foundation to build from and really finetune his shifts. He's got some exciting things to share as a result of his second round of the program…an even greater progression of growth in his marriage. If you've done "all the things" but haven't seen your marriage

You may be one who is really good about getting yourself filled up in order to be your best for your spouse. But for the rest of us, this episode is for you.  I think we know that we cannot give what we do not have. But that doesn't stop us from trying (and failing often...Oh, how many times I have been there!) Then my stressed feelings take over and I am not kind or loving to my highest priority human, ehemm, my spouse. I want to encourage you that God is one who can fill your cup. But you have to discipline yourself and make room for him to renew and refresh you.  Ultimately, your spouse cannot satisfy. God does.  We want to get filled up with him and from that overflow, we bring our best to serving our spouse.  Love,  Belah PS - How can we help you? From some people who graduated recently (not married to each other). Women's program:  Before:  There wasn’t peace at home, kids constantly see us arguing, I didn’t want to be at home...My husband was extremely resentful of me. I’ve lost respect for him. Was

He's been a Christian for many years yet couldn't seem to "crack" how people transform. He knew he wasn't where God would want him to be, but couldn't get to the place of how to get there.  He'd followed DYM for years and applied what he picked up, but it doesn't seem to move the needle. Finally, he decided it was time, and joined.  He started seeing changes in himself, changes in his walk with God, and a community of men that was "extraordinary." He learned to be a man of God in a real sense alongside other men growing, as well. He finally felt unstuck. Blessings, Belah PS - If you're a wife or a husband, I encourage you to sign up for a Clarity Call to see how you, too, can witness this kind of transformation in you and in your marriage.  delightyourmarriage.com/cc From a wife graduate who also felt stuck: "Coming into the program, I felt stuck. My marriage was 1 year into recovery from my husband's infidelity, and though we had been counseling and working on moving forward, I felt like we hadn't made much

My son, age 10, is going to talk to you today. And I invite you to ​​imagine this is your son.  What kind of father do you want him to see? A leader? A man of character? A man of strength and integrity? So many wives want that for their sons, but they are unwilling to do what's necessary to make space for that to be a reality. These wives (and sadly I've been in that place way too many times) give into fear. Fear that he won't do what "needs to be done" in her eyes. ​​​​​​​​ So, instead of letting him lead, she takes charge and controls, criticizes, and even "mothers her husband" (yuck!)... Then... she expects him to stand up and lead? That wouldn't be sensical. So your husband either shuts down and reverts to apathy or he may get angry and explode. ​​​​ And ultimately, how does that impact the kids? ​​ On our episode, my son is actually going to be painfully honest about how we live this out (and there are some less-than-flattering revelations un/fortunately). The point is...​​ Your kids need t

They saved themselves for marriage. (Yay!) But there were other hurdles encountered as a result of a lack of insight around intimacy and God's wonderful design. Hear how Lindsay got to the other side. Was it just flipping a switch and suddenly there's freedom? No. It was a process. It was a journey, and it took support and guidance. I look forward to you hearing from someone who got there, and you can, too.  For men: her husband went first.  For women: she had to commit and realize it was important enough for her to get free.  Love,  Belah  PS - Like Lindsay, if you want freedom in your intimacy but have hang-ups from purity culture, you can get on a free Clarity Call to be listened to and asked questions. Maybe our program is the right fit for you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc If you're a husband who sees his wife "holding back" because of this, Lindsay's husband took the men's program first, so I also encourage you to get on a Clarity Call. delightyourmarriage.com/cc Program Graduate Quote:  Before the progra

DYM Listeners -- Thank you SO much for all your help with this Pre-Engaged Workbook launch.    And God got us on the charts... #1 New Release in Christian Dating & Relationships!!! Thanking God for His favor!! (Being on the charts means it will be seen by many more people).   And a special thank you to Maria, Delighted Wife Facilitator, who was our amazing book editor! She edited and gave feedback and edited again -- Thank you!   May God use this in a mighty way in the lives of those who read it.   "It truly is a life changing resource if couples will apply themselves to the principles."   Blessings, Belah   PS - If you haven't yet purchased / reviewed the Pre-Engaged workbook, would love you to add your 5-star review to help spread this work as far as possible. Thank you!     

We are LOVING the excitement about the Pre-Engaged Workbook, which will be released soon.   (It is supposed to go live today, but isn't available yet... there is a hold-up in the review process. We will let you know once it goes live!)   ---   What I think happens a lot in marriages is a dynamic of competition.    They both want to impress their spouse, and both of them are clawing on top of each other trying to get the other one to notice them and admire them.    They’re trying to get their spouse to see that they’re doing a good job.   At the very same moment, the other spouse is trying to get them to see that they’re doing a good job and trying to impress them.   So each is trying to get their security and their approval and their sense of doing a good job from their spouse. And so this competition takes hold.    Instead of enjoying each other and the gift that they are---in the strengths and the differences---they are competing and they can’t see past their own hurt and lack of encouragement from their sp

I just have to apologize ahead of time because this headline is way too sensational. I can hear you saying, "It's frankly not realistic." I get it.  But, hear me out. (Or, hear him out...? :)   So, Hunter had twin 4-year-old girls. His wife was fed up with asking him to change. To pull his fair share. To be proactive in the family responsibilities.  She said she was done. They had talked about divorce in the past, but there was finality this time.  He could tell she was serious. And she was. This is when a lot of people would feel helpless and decide they're going to give up and end the marriage since their spouse wants a divorce.  Not Hunter. He had done a Clarity Call a year earlier and wasn't ready to take that step then. But knew, at this point, he had to dramatically change to save his marriage. He said, "At the beginning of the program, I had trouble getting just a few sentences out before I would bust out in tears..." Week in and week out Hunter plugged along.  But because of the amazing men in our pro

We're all insecure.  I am. You are.    We might not be insecure about the same things, but we've all got it.    Today, I want to talk about the insecurities that are common for women and the insecurities that are common for men. Spoiler alert: they're different.   But the insight most of us miss is that our specific insecurity in marriage actually is harming our spouse.  Because of the way our spouse is designed by God, if there are certain things missing in marriage, it pains them.  Deeply.   This is an episode I hope you'll take to heart.  Your insecurities may be harming your spouse.    Included in this episode: -What are insecurities? -What are yours as a husband or as a wife? -How are they affecting your spouse? -How to move past them? -How to get free of them?   I really hope this helps.    Blessings, Belah   PS - We'd love to have you on the inside of a program and witness God do something amazing in and through you! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc is the place to sign up for a free Clarity Call. When asked

Amber can tell you straight up... God has changed her.  For so many reasons, she would have said her behavior was warranted. (I know the feeling and have said the words myself!) And God was kind to open her eyes to her pride.  The pride that was ripping her husband apart.  And yet, God got her attention.  He stretched forth His hand and showed her what she couldn't see on her own.  He used her husband's leadership to bring her to a place of recognition of her sin.  And then she chose the humble and wise way.  I must say I am SO proud of Amber. How she has grown. How she now lives out the joy that God restored to her marriage!  It's worth celebrating. I hope you'll listen and be encouraged by what God has done in her heart (first), (then) in her marriage, and in her family.  Love and gratefulness for our amazing Father,  Belah PS - If you'd like to see how to transform your situation, we'd love to help. The first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc   Client testimonial... before the ladies